Question

My story.

Pieces of Myself

It was hard to think in this class, my classmates arguing and yelling, the teacher calling for security, meanwhile im in the corner thinking to myself where i could go to escape, the bell rang i got up walking out while being pushed and shoved out of the way, i was walking in the hallway kids rushing to class and others not caring to make it, i covered my head with my hood over my head not wanting to be seen let alone be here, one more class i thought to myself one more but 9th period was the worst, all of the boys talking loudly and criticizing you, they take it too far sometimes nagging and poking until you cant take it, they make you want to rip your hair out or step into oncoming traffic, i just sat there paper balls flying past my head, i could barely hear, everything was a blur, i laid my head down, closing my eyes to get rid of this horrible headache, i laid there like that until the bell rang, standing up to walk out when the teacher asked to talk to me “i know you have to go but im worried you never sleep in my class” the words she was saying flew through me like they were nothing, every teacher says this to me worrying about me i was ignoring her until she grabbed my covered shoulder making me come back to reality “dont worry ma’am im fine just a little tired” i knew it was a lie so did she by the way she looked at me but there was nothing she could do, she smiled and nodded before i walked away, as soon as i got home i took my shoes off and laid on my bed no energy to get undressed, curling up and falling asleep, wondering what it would be like if i wasnt weird, i woke up, it was late and quiet, i sat up grabbing out my bag pulling a small cigarette out that i stole, smoking this was the only way to feel normal and happy, i was thinking, i hate it when i think, the only thing crossing my mind is that small little blade that was hidden in the wall by the light switch, i lit a small flame to light whats left of my small brittle cigarette, i turned my phone on scrolling through snapchat, seeing all the death threats and angry messages, from past friends, i read them they hurt so bad that my heart ached and tears flowed down my face, the itching on my wrists and thighs, told me what i was about to do, it was the only way for me to punish myself from what ive done i know i have to stop but i cant im hooked, i know it hurts me but i cant stop when the blood trickles down my arms.
Reach out. Plz

Answer 1

that has a lot of touches to the story i read half way done not done reading yet bit so far i love the story great job

Answer 2

dang girl u must have a really hard life

Answer 3

My life became stressful in 2020 DECEMBER 26th when my papa past away from covid since then my family fell apart we all miss him since he past away after christmas from covid

Answer 4

and i wince at the pain, my blood is the sorry and the blade it the guilt, sometimes i think about running away or just slide that blade across my neck, sometime thats all i can think about, i feel selfish when im like this, it hurts to be like this, living off of medication, every week doctors poking and asking questions, searching your body for fresh cuts, they look at you like your crazy they treat you like your crazy, and sometimes its hard to handle, and some people try to help and it makes me feel worse they act like its so easy to get better, they try to fix me but i dont need to be fixed i need someone to listen, i think its gonna end soon, i feel like im gonna end it soon, everything is my fault, and i cant fix it, ive always took the blame and stuck up for people but now im in a black hole where i cant help anyone, i stood up walking over to the light switch, pulling it out of the wall grabbing my little blade, i stared at the blood stained blade, i walked over to my bed, sliding my sweats off, staring at my barely healed cuts thinking about why i did it, i put the cold medal against my skin, sliding it across my skin putting pressure on it, i winced in pain pulling the blade away from my skin staring at the fresh bleeding line, i leaned back on the wall, tears down my face, my eyes red and puffy, i closed my eyes the sting feeling makes my leg shake, i leaned over grabbing a band aid from my kit putting it over the cut, wincing from the pressure, i sat there for a bit, before putting my blade away, i cried i couldnt stop, i dont know why i was crying but i just was i couldnt help it, i wanted to rip my hair right off my head punish myself for what i just did, that feeling of regret and guilt the feeling where you just want to curl up and die, was swelling up in my stomach and it felt god awful. i fell asleep around 4 in the morning, i woke up with a head ache, my face red and my leg stinging, i got up and dressed in some pj pants and a hoodie sliding my shoes on and grabbing my back pack before leaving for the bus, i made it to school, sitting outside until breakfast was over, i had no one to sit with so i dont go, i went to first period, it was the usual harassment, i couldnt get away from it even tho i try, its like a demon poking my shoulder, the hell fire burning my feet, my life is the hell, every day i live i melt like a witch under water, becoming a small puddle to be walked on, it doesnt matter if i get help, help is like someone trying to fix a melting sculpture, no matter how hard you try it just continues melting, the bell rang making me jump from my seat, the hallways are like swimming in a lake, the farther you swim, the closer you get to drowning, and when i get to class i drown, the waves makes water fill my lungs as i gasp for air, the teacher called on me to answer a question, i looked up nervous, i dont like being called on it makes me nervous and my voice cracks like breaking glass, i read the question, nervously answering it my palms sweaty my throat burning, “the answer is -27” the teacher nodded, i put my head down i felt like people were staring at me, i kept my head down until class was over, i practically ran out of the room, not wanting to be there any longer, i walked to my next class being greeted once in a while by fellow classmates, i ended up skipping aka me just sitting in the bathroom for 45 minutes, playing on my dinky little phone, i saw all my old friends hanging out at school, i felt angry, i made one mistake and i got shunned and pushed away, i dont want to be here anymore, its torture here, i was over with it when they started barking at me, like oh my god please just leave me alone, i know what i did was wrong but why take it farther than it was, i was sorry, i ripped my hair out for him, i cute myself out of guilt and now their throwing everything n my face, i dont understand why, they just want me to feel worse about myself, like smacking your kid for doing something wrong, the bell rang loud, i got up going to my next class, it was art one of my favorite classes, its where im not judged and where i can express myself

Answer 5

get help

Answer 6

I done alr have goofy.

Answer 7

Wow - that's so sad, since I'm Russian - My parents are more stiff-headed about this stuff - there are no questions about those types of topics inside my house

Answer 8

Wow really? how do you like it there?

Answer 9

Thank you everyone. I just wanted my story to be heard.