Question

does anyone want to read my short but long story

Answer 1

The Girl That Ran Away
Chapter 1

Hi, my name is Nayvee Prescott, I live in Petoskey Michigan, in a modern house with my dad, stepmom, and my two step-brothers. All my life I have been mistreated. Every little thing I do wrong I get in trouble for, but my brothers, On the other hand, get away with anything. Like I have been asking for a cat for two years and they still will not let me get one. I have even offered to get a job so I could pay for it, but NO! They said that if I got a job then I would not have time to clean the house. I told them to make my brothers get up and clean for once in their life but that just got me sent up to my room. As I finally am getting out of bed because I don't want to be lazy all day, I'm just kidding if I don't get up and do my chores, they will make me do double tomorrow. Even though I hate it here I stay because I made a promise to my mother to take care of my dad. My mother passed away when I was only eleven. I got pretty used to being mistreated even when my dad was single. I know he was hurt by Mom's death but he was my dad and he should have been there for me. After I get ready for the day and do my chores I go outside and sit on the swing that is hooked up to this big old tree that was about 30 feet away from the house. This is the only free time I have because my parents are always taking way too long to get ready for the day, and my brothers are most likely playing video games. I love to sit on the swing, enjoy the fresh air and write in my diary. If my parents ever found my diary I'd probably be sent off to boarding school.“Nayvee it's time to come inside” my stepmom yells. “K” I yell back. Ugg I hate being around them, they are so unappreciative. As I'm walking inside I hear something. It sounds like a faint meow. I ignore it because if I go looking for it my dad and stepmom are gonna come looking for me. “Stay there little guy, I'll come back for you,” I whisper. “Nayvee hurry up” My dad yells. “I'm coming” I yell back. As I walk into my house I smell something coming from the kitchen. When I walk into the kitchen and I see my stepmom making dinner. ‘Why are you making dinner so early?’’ I ask. ‘Because me and your dad have a party to go to’ She answers. “Oh really,” I say because I know that would be a perfect time to try and find the cat that I heard. “Will you set the table?" she asks in a stern voice. “Sure’’I say nicely. After dinner, my parents got ready to go to their party. “K, make sure the boys are in bed at nine,” My dad tells me. “I will,” I say back. Then they walk out the door. “ Mason, Ashton!” I yell. “What do you want?” Mason asks rudely “My dad and your mom said you have to be in bed by nine so only one more hour of video games’’ I tell them. “Fine” they answer back madly. After it turns nine and they get into bed I wait for them to go to sleep. When I'm sure they are sleeping. I grab a jacket, a flashlight and put on my boots. When I walk outside I instantly start to shiver because the autumn breeze is blowing in my face. After I get used to the cold I start to look around for the kitten. “Here kitty kitty kitty” I called but heard nothing back. “Come on I know you're out here” Isay loud but quiet at the same time. I still hear nothing and continue looking. I looked and looked and looked but I still could not find anything. “Meow”. I hear the cat but I can't hear where it is. “ Hear kitty kitty kitty,” I say. I hear another meow. I look over to where I think he might be. I start to walk over when I hear another meow. I think he might be stuck in the little cabin over there. When I get to the door, I open it and a black cat jumps right into my arms. “Awwww you cute little thing,” I say. “Let's get you inside and warmed up,” I say happily. When I walk inside I start to think of what I should tell my parents or if I should tell them.“Ok we need to give you a bath” I say a little too loud. I take the kitten into the bathroom and turn the sink to warm. After I got the sink all filled I put him in the water. Surprisingly he liked the warm water. When his fur is all clean I take a towel, wrap him up and take him to my room. When we got to my room I noticed that he was purring. Soon after, I lay him down on the bed. Then he starts to fall asleep. I lay in my bed waiting for my parents to come home. As soon as I hear my parents enter the house I run downstairs and ask them to sit on the couch “What is it? I'm very tired and it is late. '' My stepmom says rudely. “ So after I got the boys in bed I went outside and found a cat” I said, very scared. “Did you scare it off?” She asks, very concerned. “No, I brought it inside and gave it a bath” I say very fast. “You did what!” My step mom said angrily. “I brought him inside” I say “ Go get him right now” She demands. I walk up to my room and grab the kitten very gently because he is sleeping. When I get back downstairs my stepmother grabs him from my arms. “Hey, be careful” I say. She looks at him and then gives him back to me. “In the morning he is going to the pound” She screams. I run up to my room crying and not staying to argue with them. As I start thinking something hits me. “You're not going to the pound, we're running away.

Chapter 2

As I'm getting all my stuff packed and ready to leave. I heard someone coming up the stairs , so I hid my suitcase and jumped into bed with my cat. “Nayvee ?” a small faint noise says to me. I don't answer back because I want them to think I'm sleeping. After they leave I get up and pack all my things that I would need. When I'm finally done I sneak down stairs with a separate bag for food and pack stuff for me and my kitty. When I get done filling the bag I head upstairs. “Ok kitty it's time to go” “ Wait a minute I haven't given you a name yet. I'm gonna name you loki. “Meow” he screeches and jumps into my arms. “ silly cat” I laugh. “Ok it's time to go.”
I walk very quietly down the stairway. As soon as I get to the bottom of the stairs I make sure there is no one awake. After I'm sure the coast is clear I quietly open the door and shut it. I put Loki down because I know he will follow me unless he sees a dog then he will probably run up a tree or something.
I walk all the way down my road without seeing any signs of human activity. Then when I finally get all the way down the road I see a line of cars driving down the road. I pick up my cat so he doesn't get startled by the loud sound of the cars driving past us on the side of the road.
Soon after we finally got to a gas station. I walk up to the door and put Loki on the ground. “ ok loki I want you to stay right here I will be back out in a minute” I tell him while I'm shaking my hand in front of his face. “Meow” “ It's like you understand exactly what i'm saying” I say while walking inside.
When I walk inside I see A lady wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. She looks like she might be in her late twenties, maybe thirties. When I kindly smile at the lady she smiles back and I make my way to the water bottles. I try to grab as many as I can, which is about four. I walk up to the counter and put the water bottles on the counter. “ Will that be all?” she asks in a very sweet voice. “ yeah that's it” I say to her. “Ok, that will be $4.50”she tells me. “ So are you going on a road trip?” She asks me as I'm getting my money out. “ Yeah, something like that,” I say. “Ok here you go you can keep the change to” I tell her “ok thank you very much have a nice day” “you to”I say as i'm walking out the door.
When I get outside I see Loki sleeping on the ice box. “Aww you must be so tired, here you can sleep on my shoulder” I say. I pick him up and lay him on my shoulder. “ there you go” I pick up the grocery bags and hang them on my suitcase handles. I pull my two suitcase handles up and start to walk.

Chapter 3

I stop for a break when I find a rather large rock to sit on. I set down Loki so that he could go to the bathroom. After he went to the bathroom I filled up a container that used to have carrots in it with water. After we were done taking a break we got up and I suddenly heard a loud honk. A truck was pulling over to the side. Inside the truck was what looked to be a teenage boy, maybe fifteen or sixteen. “Hi there” the boy says. “Hi.” I say confused. “ why are you out here with two suitcases and a cat” He asks. `` because I ran away because my I have horrible parents” “ oh well if you need a ride somewhere i'll gladly help” “ why would you do that for a stranger” I ask. “ because i'm also a runaway but I ran away three years ago” “well i'm sorry but I don't know you” “ how far away do you live” He asks. “Why” I say confused. “Because i'm guessing if you ran away not that long ago your parents are already on the look for you so that means you have to be as far away as you can” “ or else your gonna get caught and taken back there” I knew that made perfect sense but I was a little worried about him being a serial killer or something. “Fine… but my cat is going up front with me” “ Ok that's fine with me” he says.
He gets out of the car and puts my bags in the truck for me. “ thanks” “ your welcome” he answers back. I get in the truck and immediately smell lavender. “ That's not a smell you normally get from a guy's car is it?” I ask “ no I just really like the smell of flowers” “ me to” I laugh. “ Oh by the way my name’s blake” “nayvee” I say shyly. “Nayvee, I like it” he says as he is side eyeing me because he is trying to keep an eye on the road.In my opinion he is kinda cute but I barely know the guy.
“So do you know where we are going?” he asks in confusion. “No not really it depends on how far your will to go”I say I hope he would go halfway across the world. “I can drive as far as you want me to” he says probably knowing that I would want to get out of the country. “I don't know exactly where I want to go but I want to live in the rainforest with the big cats and snakes and it's only like ten hours away” I say in amazement. “ You want to be a vet dont you?” he asks even though he already knows the answer. “ Yes I do, I even want to own my own business” I say wishing I could. “Do you know how you are gonna start your business?”He asks, “ no it probably won't happen anyway” I say sadly. “ yes it will, you know I actually know someone who could help you with that” he says “ really how would they help me with that”I say happy but confused. “ Well I know they could get you in an online school so you can get your degree and then they can even help grow your business” he explains. “ Well how am I gonna pay for all of that”I ask. “ Well they have a lot of money and they will probably have you give them half the profit you make,” he explains some more. “ Really, do you think they would do that for me? They don't even know me” I ask “ They didnt know me ethier how do you think I got this truck?”he asks. “ oh my gosh i'm gonna be a vet im so excited” I scream.
As we were driving down the road I got to thinking, how are they so rich and why do they live in the rainforest? “Blake I have a question about your friends” “and what would that be” “ well first of all how are they rich” “ Well i'm pretty sure one of them inherited it” “and second question why do they live at the rainforest” “They live in the rainforest because they own it” “ WHAT!” “yep, how else are you gonna build a vet clinic there” “Oh my god I didnt even think about that” “ So what are they just gonna give me a small piece of the land” “ well i'm hoping they will give me a big piece of land that way it has more animals on property so you can examine them for practice” “but how do we know that they are even gonna do this for me” “ i mean if they don't at least we go to meet” he says while smiling at me.
After being on the road for about five hours we finally got to a gas station. “Finally I have to pee” “ you go in and I will get us something to eat and drink” “ ok thank you” I say while walking into the store. When I walk I turn left to see the bathrooms, one with a girl and one with a boy on the signs. After I went to the bathroom I walked back to the truck. “ hey did you get anything for loki?” “ yep he already ate it” “ k thanks did you give him any water?” “no I forgot about that, sorry” “your fine i'll get it”I open the truck door to find loki sleeping. “Come on kitty we got to get some water in your system”I poured some water into a container and set it down in front of him. Before I know it all the water is gone. “Ok are you ready to go” “ yep” I say and then get into the car.When we start to drive I feel tired and fall asleep.

Chapter 4

“Beep Beep were here”Blake screams as he beeps his horn. I see two people come running out of this green building. “ Hi guys” Blake says to them. They all give each other a big bear hug. I get out of the car and start to walk up to them. “ mom,dad this is nayvee”Mom and dad he never told me they were his parents. “ you brought a girl home and didn't even warn us you were coming” his mom tells him.“Mom, can you please get some clothes for her to wear?” Blake askes her. “yes I most certainly can” she says as she is walking up to me. “ Hi, nice to meet you,” I said while shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you,” she said kindly. “Follow me I will find you a pretty summer dress to wear” “ok” I say while smiling at her.
When we walked into the green building it instantly gave me rainforest vibes. The nice lady who Blake calls mom walks into what looks to be her bedroom.I quietly wait outside waiting for her to signal me inside. “Ok if you go in there there are two dresses for you two pick from” “ok thank you” I say as I walk inside. I walk up to the bed and see two dresses. The first one is long and pink with flowers. The second one is short and blue with flowers. I obviously am gonna pick the blue one because blue is my favorite color.
After I put on the dress and brush my hair I walk out the door and Blake is standing there probably waiting for me. “If I knew you were waiting for me I would have been faster” “no its fine”he says looking at me in amazement. “You look beautiful,”he tells me while still staring at me. “Thanks …… so why didn't you tell me that your so called friends were your parents”I say as nicely as I could. “ Well they're not really my parents, they just took me in when I was really little so I've called them mom and dad ever since”blake explains “ooooo well you could have told me”I explain. “I'll know that for next time” “So where is your mom and dad” “you can call them dan and teresa, also there on the balcony getting ready for dinner do want me to walk you there” “sure” I say as I follow him out the door. “Hey after dinner do you want to go look around because I know you want to the minute you got here by the way you looked at it” “sure” I say as we are just walking up to the balcony.
“Hi guys” Teresa says. “You look beautiful” Teresa says looking at the dress. “Do you guys know where Loki is?”I ask “No oh my gosh I totally forgot about him, let's go look in the truck” Blake says. I follow him out to the truck And open the door. I shut the door. “Is he in there?” Blake asks. “No.”
To be continued …..

Answer 2

tf is this ChatGPT written story

Answer 3

idk

Answer 4

I read it all. And I gotta say.... I'm impressed!! Better than reading a chapter book

Answer 5

thank you so much

Answer 6

Np

Answer 7

in your dreams get out of this chat

Answer 8

but i need sum change and i wasnt talking to u

Answer 9

ok good lol

Answer 10

he was talking to me bc im him fr

Answer 11

hmm I got change...

Answer 12

fr

Answer 13

LMAOOO SHE BLOCKED ME FOR SAYING "tf is this ChatGPT story" LMAOOOO

Answer 14

ill suck yo di ck for a penny

Answer 15

It's awesome your a great writer

Answer 16

very

Answer 17

Great work, it reminds me of those chapter books based off of people's real memoirs. I do many suggestions and would like to know if it fine if I reply on here with an edit copy.

Answer 18

I have seen your writing posted from another account which was also pretty good.

Answer 19

thank you

Answer 20

You are welcome.

Answer 21

How is this a "short" at-all story? XD

Answer 22

Chapter 1
Hi, my name is Nayvee Prescott, I live in Petoskey Michigan, in a modern house with my dad, stepmom, and my two stepbrothers (one word). All my life I have been mistreated. Every little thing I do wrong I get in trouble for, but my brothers, On the other hand, get away with anything. Like I have been asking for a cat for two years and they still will not let me get one. I have even offered to get a job so I could pay for it, but NO! They said that if I got a job then I would not have time to clean the house. I told them to make my brothers get up and clean for once in their life but that just got me sent up to my room. As I finally am getting out of bed because I don't want to be lazy all day, I'm just kidding if I don't get up and do my chores, they will make me do double tomorrow. Even though I hate it here I stay because I made a promise to my mother to take care of my dad. My mother passed away when I was only eleven. I got pretty used to being mistreated even when my dad was single. I know he was hurt by Mom's death, (comma splice) but he was my dad, (comma splice) and he should have been there for me.
After I get ready for the day and do my chores I go outside and sit on the swing that is hooked up to this big old tree that was about 30 feet away from the house. This is the only free time I have because my parents are always taking way too long to get ready for the day, and my brothers are most likely playing video games. I love to sit on the swing, enjoy the fresh air and write in my diary. If my parents ever found my diary, (comma splice) I'd probably be sent off to boarding school. “Nayvee it's time to come inside” my stepmom yells. “K” I yell back. Ugg, (comma splice) I hate being around them, they are so unappreciative. As I'm walking inside, (comma splice) I hear something. It sounds like a faint meow. I ignore it because if I go looking for it my dad and stepmom are gonna come looking for me. “Stay there little guy, I'll come back for you,” I whisper. “Nayvee, (comma splice) hurry up” My dad yells. “I'm coming” I yell back as I walk into my house, (comma splice) I smell something coming from the kitchen. When I walk into the kitchen, (comma splice) and I see my stepmom making dinner.
“Why are you making dinner so early?’’ I ask. ‘Because me and your dad have a party to go to’ She answers. “Oh really,” I say because I know that would be a perfect time to try and find the cat that I heard. “Will you set the table?" she asks in a stern voice. “Sure” I say nicely. After dinner, my parents got ready to go to their party. “K, make sure the boys are in bed at nine,” My dad tells me. “I will,” I say back. Then they walked (past tense) out the door. “Mason, Ashton!” I yell. “What do you want?” Mason asks rudely “My dad and your mom said you have to be in bed by nine so only one more hour of video games” I tell them.
“Fine” they retort (word choice). After it turns nine and they get into bed I wait for them to go to sleep. When I'm sure they are sleeping. I grabbed (past tense) a jacket, a flashlight and put on my boots. When I walk outside, (comma splice) I instantly start to shiver because the autumn breeze is blowing on (the breeze is not going in but rather “on” the face) my face. After I get used to the cold I start to look around for the kitten. “Here kitty kitty kitty” I called but heard nothing back. “Come on I know you're out here” I say loudly (adverb form since you are describing how you are doing it) but quietly (also an adverb) at the same time.
I still hear nothing and continue looking. I looked and looked and looked but I still could not find anything. “Meow”. I hear the cat, (comma splice) but I can't hear where it is. “Here (“here” instead of “hear” kitty kitty kitty,” I say. I hear another meow. I look over to where I think he might be. I start to walk over when I hear another meow. I think he might be stuck in the little cabin over there. When I get to the door, I open it and a black cat jumps right into my arms. “Awwww you cute little thing,” I say. “Let's get you inside and warm (present tense) up,” I say happily. When I walk inside, (comma splice) I start to think of what I should tell my parents or if I should tell them. “Ok we need to give you a bath”, (comma to separate speech from thought) I say a little too loud.
I take the kitten into the bathroom and turn the sink to warm. After I got the sink (removed “all” for conciseness) filled, (comma splice) I put him in the water. Surprisingly he liked the warm water. When his fur is all clean, (comma splice) I take a towel, wrap him up and take him to my room. When we got to my room, (comma splice) I noticed that he was purring. Soon after, I laid (past tense, you are describing what you did in the past) him down on the bed. Then he starts to fall asleep. I lay in my bed waiting for my parents to come home.
As soon as I hear my parents enter the house, (comma splice) I run downstairs and ask them to sit on the couch “What is it? I'm very tired and it is late. ''My stepmom says rudely. “So, (comma splice) after I got the boys in bed I went outside and found a cat” I said, very scared. “Did you scare it off?” she (no caps needed in the middle of a sentence) asks, very concerned. “No, I brought it inside and gave it a bath” I say very fast. “You did what!” My stepmom (one word) said angrily. “I brought him inside” I say, (comma splice) “Go get him right now” She demands.
I walk up to my room and grab the kitten very gently because he is sleeping. When I get back downstairs my stepmother grabs him from my arms. “Hey, be careful” I say. She looks at him and then gives him back to me. “In the morning he is going to the pound!” (Since she is screaming or being loud use an exclamation mark) She screams. I ran (past tense) up to my room crying and not staying to argue with them. As I start thinking something hits me. “You're not going to the pound, we're running away.” (Jarring turn of events and great way to end the chapter! It seems that the cat is going to be very important in the story.)

Chapter 2
As I'm getting all my stuff packed and ready to leave. I heard someone coming up the stairs, so I hid my suitcase and jumped into bed with my cat. “Nayvee?” a small faint noise says to me. I don't answer back because I want them to think I'm sleeping. After they leave, (comma splice) I get up and pack all my things that I would need. When I'm finally done, (comma splice) I sneak downstairs (one word) with a separate bag for food and pack stuff for me and my kitty. When I get done filling the bag I head upstairs. “Ok kitty it's time to go. (You can make these two separate sentences) Wait a minute I haven't given you a name yet. I'm gonna name you Loki (names are capitalized). “Meow” he screeches and jumps into my arms. (Have this as a new sentence) “Silly cat”, I laugh. “Ok it's time to go.”
I walk very quietly down the stairway. As soon as I get to the bottom of the stairs, (comma splice) I make sure there is no one awake. After I'm sure the coast is clear I quietly open the door and shut it. I put Loki down because I know he will follow me unless he sees a dog then he will probably run up a tree or something. (Keep this as one paragraph) I walk all the way down my road without seeing any signs of human activity. Then when I finally get all the way down the road, (comma splice) I see a line of cars driving down the road. I pick up my cat, (comma splice) so he doesn't get startled by the loud sound of the cars driving past us on the side of the road.
(Nice way to write a well-calculated heist. Maybe add more details about what the house is like while sneaking out to give it some suspense and adventure.)
Soon after we finally got to a gas station. I walked (past tense) up to the door and put Loki on the ground. (New sentence starts with a capital letter and same with names) “Ok Loki I want you to stay right here I will be back out in a minute” I tell him while I'm shaking my hand in front of his face (Nice illustration). “Meow”, (separate dialogue between characters with a comma) “It’s like you understand exactly what I’m saying” I say while walking inside.
When I walk inside, (comma splice) I see A lady wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. She looks like she might be in her late twenties, maybe thirties. When I kindly smile at the lady she smiles back, (comma splice) and I make my way to the water bottles. I try to grab as many as I can, which is about four. I walked (past tense) up to the counter and put the water bottles on the counter. “Will that be all?” she asks in a very sweet voice, (this flows better as one sentence) “yeah that's it” I say to her. “Ok, that will be $4.50” she tells me. “So, (comma splice) are you going on a road trip?” She asks me as I'm getting my money out. “Yeah, something like that,” I say. “Ok here you go you can keep the change to” I tell her. (Period to start new sentence to avoid confusion) “Ok thank you very much have a nice day”, (comma for dialogue) “you too” I say as I’m walking out the door.
When I get outside, (comma splice) I see Loki sleeping on the ice box. “Aww you must be so tired, here you can sleep on my shoulder” I say. I picked (past tense) him up and laid (past tense) him on my shoulder. (New sentences start with a capital) “There you go” I picked (past tense) up the grocery bags and hung (past tense) them on my suitcase handles. I pull my two suitcase handles up and start to walk.

Chapter 3
I stop for a break when I find a rather large rock to sit on. I set down Loki so that he could go to the bathroom. After he went to the bathroom, (comma splice) I filled up a container that used to have carrots in it with water. After we were done taking a break we got up and I suddenly heard a loud honk. A truck was pulling over to the side. Inside the truck was what looked to be a teenage boy, maybe fifteen or sixteen. “Hi there” the boy says. “Hi”, (keep this as one sentence) I say confused. (Start with a cap) “Why are you out here with two suitcases and a cat? (Question mark)” He asks. (Start with a cap)
“Because I ran away because my I have horrible parents”, (dialogue comma)
“Oh well if you need a ride somewhere I’ll gladly help”, (dialogue comma)
“Why would you do that for a stranger? (Question mark)” I ask.
(Add “He replied” here), “because I’m also a runaway but I ran away three years ago”, (dialogue comma),
“Well, I’m sorry but I don't know you”, (comma dialogue)
“How far away do you live? (Question mark)” He asks.
“Why” I say confused.
“Because I’m guessing if you ran away not that long ago your parents are already on the look for you so that means you have to be as far away as you can, (combined sentence) or else you’re (you’re) gonna get caught and taken back there” (Period to start new sentence).
I knew that made perfect sense, (comma splice) but I was a little worried about him being a serial killer or something. “Fine…but my cat is going up front with me”, (dialogue comma) “Ok that's fine with me” he says. He gets out of the car and puts my bags in the truck for me. (Add who is speaking first so you can read back and forth between the characters and keep in mind commas for dialogue) “Thanks”, “you’re (you’re) welcome” he answers back. I got (past tense) in the truck and immediately smelled (past tense) lavender. “That's not a smell you normally get from a guy's car, (comma splice) is it?” I ask,
“No, (comma splice) I just really like the smell of flowers.”
“Me too (too vs. to)” I laugh (comma dialogue).
“Oh and (“and” for better flow) by the way my name’s Blake”
“Nayvee” I say shyly.
“Nayvee, I like it” he says as he is side eyeing me because he is trying to keep an eye on the road. In my opinion he is kinda cute, (comma splice) but I barely know the guy.
“So do you know where we are going?” he asks in confusion. “No not really it depends on how far you (you) will (conciseness) go” (keep in mind spaces) I say I hope he would go halfway across the world. “I can drive as far as you want me to” he says probably knowing that I would want to get out of the country (whoa!). “I don't know exactly where I want to go but I want to live in the rainforest with the big cats and snakes and it's only like ten hours away” (sounds like a zoo since a 10-hour drive does not take you to rainforest but maybe this is just an expression or something) I say in amazement. “You want to be a vet don’t (don’t) you?” he asks even though he already knows the answer. “Yes, (comma splice) I do, I even want to own my own business” I say wishing I could.
“Do you know how you are gonna start your business?” He asks. “No, (comma splice) it probably won't happen anyway” I say sadly. (Start with a cap) “Yes it will, you know I actually know someone who could help you with that” he says. (New sentence with question marks) “Really? How would they help me with that?”, (comma splice) I say happy but confused. “Well, (comma splice) I know they could get you in an online school so you can get your degree and then they can even help grow your business” he explains.
“Well how am I gonna pay for all of that? (Question mark)” I ask. “Well, (comma splice) they have a lot of money, (comma splice) and they will probably have you give them half the profit you make,” he explains some more. “Really, do you think they would do that for me? They don't even know me” I ask, (dialogue comma) “They didn’t (apostrophe) know me either (spelling and comma splice), how do you think I got this truck?” He asks. “Oh my gosh I’m gonna be a vet I’m so excited” I scream.
As we were driving down the road I was (word choice: using “was” in here) thinking, how are they so rich and why do they live in the rainforest? (Wait, they live in a rainforest? Maybe explain that part or change something here) “Blake I have a question about your friends”,
“And what would that be? (Question mark)”,
“Well, first, (commas and conciseness) how are they rich? (Question mark)”,
“Well, (comma splice) I’m pretty sure one of them inherited it”,
“And second question why do they live in (in vs. at the rainforest”,
“They live in the rainforest because they own it”,
“WHAT!? (Question mark)”,
“Yep, how else are you gonna build a vet clinic there? (Question mark)”,
“Oh my god I didn’t (apostrophe) even think about that”,
“So, (comma splice) what are they just gonna give me a small piece of the land? (Question mark)”,
“Well, I’m hoping they will give me a big piece of land that way it has more animals on property so you can examine them for practice”,
“But how do we know that they are even gonna do this for me”, “I mean if they don't at least we go to meet” he says while smiling at me.
(More dialogue commas and say who is speaking more often to avoid confusion)
After being on the road for about five hours we finally got to a gas station. “Finally, I have to pee” “you go in and I will get us something to eat and drink”, “Ok thank you” I say while walking into the store. When I walk, (comma splice) I turn left to see the bathrooms, one with a girl and one with a boy on the signs. After I went to the bathroom, (comma splice) I walked back to the truck. (Start with a cap) “Hey did you get anything for Loki (proper nouns like names start with a cap)?”, “Yep he already ate it”, “K thanks did you give him any water?”, “No I forgot about that, sorry”, “you’re (you’re) fine I’ll get it” (End the sentence for a more even flow). I open the truck door to find Loki (cap) sleeping. “Come on kitty we got to get some water in your system” (End this sentence). I poured some water into a container and set it down in front of him. Before I know it all the water is gone. “Ok are you ready to go? (Question mark)”, “Yep” I say and then get into the car. When we start to drive, (comma splice) I feel tired and fall asleep.
(More dialogue commas and say who is speaking more often to avoid confusion)

Chapter 4
“Beep beep (no second cap needed) were here”, (comma splice) Blake screams as he beeps his horn. I see two people come running out of this green building. “Hi guys” Blake says to them. They all give each other a big bear hug. I got (past tense) out of the car and started (past tense) to walk up to them. “Mom, dad this is Nayvee”. Mom and dad? (Add a question mark since the main character is questioning this encounter) He never told me they were his parents. “You brought a girl home and didn't even tell (tell vs. warn) us you were coming” his mom tells him. “Mom, can you please get some clothes for her to wear?” Blake asks her. “Yes, I most certainly can” she says as she is walking up to me. “Hi, nice to meet you,” I said while shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you,” she said kindly. “Follow me I will find you a pretty summer dress to wear”, “ok” I say while smiling at her.
When we walked into the green building it instantly gave me rainforest vibes. The nice lady who Blake calls mom walks into what looks to be her bedroom. I quietly wait outside waiting for her to signal me inside. “Ok if you go in there (watch out for repeated words) are two dresses for you to (to vs. two) pick from”, “ok thank you” I say as I walk inside. I walked (past tense) up to the bed and saw (past tense) two dresses. The first one is long and pink with flowers. The second one is short and blue with flowers. I obviously am gonna pick the blue one because blue is my favorite color.
After I put on the dress and brush my hair, (comma splice) I walk out the door and Blake is standing there probably waiting for me. “If I knew you were waiting for me, (comma splice) I would have been faster”, “no its fine” he says looking at me in amazement. “You look beautiful”, he tells me while still staring at me. “Thanks …… so why didn't you tell me that your so-called (hyphen) friends were your parents? (Question mark)” I say as nicely as I could. “Well, (comma splice) they're not really my parents, they just took me in when I was really little, (comma splice) so I've called them mom and dad ever since” Blake explains (End sentence). “Ooooo well you could have told me” I replied (replied vs. explain since Blake is the one explaining not the main character).
“I'll know that for next time”,
“So where is your mom and dad? (Question mark)”,
“You can call them Dan and Teresa (proper nouns capped), also (add “they are there” to avoid confusion) on the balcony getting ready for dinner (run-on). Do want me to walk you there? (Question mark)”,
“Sure” I say as I follow him out the door.
“Hey after dinner do you want to go look around because I know you want to the minute you got here by the way you looked at it.”
“Sure” I say as we are just walking up to the balcony.
“Hi guys” Teresa says, (keep this one sentence) “You look beautiful” (add “as she looks at me in my dress” for consistency). “Do you guys know where Loki is?” I ask, “No oh my gosh I totally forgot about him, let's go look in the truck” Blake says. I followed (past tense) him out to the truck and opened (past tense) the door. I shut the door. “Is he in there?” Blake asks. “No.” (Work on this part about the doors so what everyone is doing is clearer)
To be continued….

(Great story. There were many instances where commas needed to be spliced and new paragraphs inserted to make the story flow evenly as well as spelling, capitalization, paragraphs, spacing, and punctuation needs. Make sure the dialogue flows consistently and is easy to follow. Make sure that the chapters are more consistent and longer and feel free to add in details where there is not much happening without slowing the plot down. Read the notes I have in parentheses as well. Keep in mind that these are my strong recommendations and to work with or around them. Microsoft Word, other online software, and fellow peers can really help you move forward with this and make great writing.)

Answer 23

It looks like the indentations do not work well on this site.

Answer 24

it looks good