Question

I just needed to type how im feeling and thinking right now.

I can't breathe. It's like I'm drowning. He makes me happy, but do I make him happy? I wish I knew. I wish I knew if I was the one for him. It's like a cycle that never ends. But the smile he puts on my face, the way I can't even stop. He makes me feel perfect as if I was as pretty as other girls. I can't sleep without him in my head, our future playing out. Our kids, and our pets. The short fights over stupid things, just to come back and say sorry. The sweet idea of us being happy together, it's all I ever wished for.To risk losing him multiple times. Seeing him, seeing his smile, his messy hair, his dreamy eyes, hearing that perfect laugh, that's all I need. I'm losing him again, leaving him for what? Just because my insecurities got to me, just because I knew I'll never be as gorgeous as some girls, or as smart and funny as them. But I didn't think about how bad it might effect him, how bad I might hurt him. I don't think I just do, but it's too late now, right? Too late to get him back, it's over. The man waited forever for, I forced away because I just had to be me. I had to be my stupid self. I still love him, and I still want him. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can change that.
I need you still.