Question

I finished my English presentation draft

Answer 1

I see nothing wrong with it... good job

Answer 2

thank you, i gotta present this thursday

Answer 3

excited ngl

Answer 4

Oh okay, are you nervous any?

Answer 5

nah, like im sure maybe id get nervous once im up front, but i know with confidence in myself and the short story; that im able to do good

Answer 6

I'm glad you feel confident in yourself that cannot be said for everyone... I hope it goes well!

Answer 7

yeah there definitely are going to be some people in the room who dislike it, and im fine with that as result

Answer 8

If I'm being honest, I don't see a point in focusing on others opinion for the simple fact 80% of them cannot do better, but also It's just an opinion and everyone has their own.

Answer 9

Thanks

Answer 10

i love itt

Answer 11

Seriously? None of you have any constructive criticism at all? Did you guys even read this, or did you all collectively decide to not mention any flaws because Arlanasauce has a pfp with her cleavage showing and you don't want to be a party-pooper, therefore allowing her to show out and embarrass herself on Thursday?

Pathetic.

Answer 12

you have a line that says "im hella excited" , it looks unprofessional and so informal i mean if you're presenting this to your entire class and teacher its probably not a good idea, you can change that lmao

Answer 13

@arlanasauce

Okay, I'm going to help you, because you need it and I'm not a part of your simp nation, meaning I actually have some wisdom to hand out. I don't know how old you are, but this reads like something from 5th grade or below.

For instance, the title of the English presentation is messed up. "The Sun Cupid" title needs to be centered at the top of the page and have a bigger font style. All the color coded highlights you added should go as well. A good writer doesn't need to use those whatsoever and you certainly don't need it to show the reader who's talking if you've written your story coherently.

On page 1 you begin your sentence with the regular font and then change the rest of the font for the remainder of your story to italics. Make everything one font--and to be honest, it should probably be the default font you originally began with.


On page 1, you also write the following:

I soon unlocked my
phone, i noticed they’re messages from leo. While I read his
message, a smile was brought upon my face. “Hey, todays the day
we can finally spend time together, i'm excited for that boat ride” He
messaged. While smiling to myself, I typed out my response. “ For
sure, I'm hella excited, I know we’ve been waiting for this trip a while”.
I expressed my thoughts, then sent my message.


You see all this? This is all wrong. Horrifically wrong, in fact.

You didn't capitalize "I". I is always capitalized when one refers to themselves. You also wrote, "they're messages from leo." This is wrong as well. They're= They are. The correct term you would use is "there." And "leo" is supposed to be capitalized, to "Leo." That goes for any proper name of a person or place. You missed the apostrophe in "today's", didn't capitalized the "I" in "I'm", and missed the period in, "'i'm excited for that boat ride' He messaged." Then you have the period on the outside of the sentence and parentheses in, "For sure, I'm hella excited, I know we've been waiting for this trip a while".

And get ride of the part you wrote that says, "I expressed my thoughts, then sent my message." The reader isn't stupid; they already read about the character trying to express their thoughts, despite their grammatical errors, and already saw the character send the message as well. That sentence is just unnecessary.


And that's just a LITTLE bit I've pointed out on page 1 alone. You've got four pages of this with a lot of the same grammatical errors I'd expect from a small child. You constantly fail to capitalize the letter "I" when the character is referring to themselves, fail to capitalize the start of sentences or when a character is saying something. Your sentence structure is butchered worse than a victim of Jack the Ripper and you've got way too many commas, leading on to ridiculously long run-on sentences with almost no end. You're missing periods or placing them in the wrong places. Heck, you don't even have your paragraphs separated--it's all just a big, long text that goes on forever. There needs to be a noticeable space between each paragraph or when a character is talking, for better organization and cohesion.

I could go on, but you get the gist. This needs to be rewritten without the unnecessary highlights, an improved title, and proper grammar and sentence structure.

You're welcome for the help.

Answer 14

your formatting is so whack, you're reading from this and not presenting it as a document right?

Answer 15

trust me if it was serious i would make it serious, but it isnt :)

Answer 16

can you post the document as a google doc and let me suggest edits?

Answer 17

mostly grammar stuff if you care to have it fixed

Answer 18

appreciate yall for checkin me on that even tho this aint the professional one

Answer 19

don't tell me handwritten

Answer 20

yes hand written rough draft

Answer 21

in 2023... i feel bad for you (though since u blocked me do i really lmao)

Answer 22

i understand your opinion, thanks for taking the time to reach out

Answer 23

anyways i actually took the time to read it all. Besides Rodrigo's comments which are largely correct, I think you're too reliant on dialogue to get the point across between Arlana/Leo. Also, you do a good job showing instead of telling in the beginning of the shopping description, but at some point you stop elaborating and start saying stuff vague like

"We walked into this one store specifically that he seemed to like a lot , which had a lot
of things he was interested in"

You could make this sentence and others a lot more interesting by giving leo some actual interests (golf fishing, w/e idk) and you'd also add to leo's personality.

Answer 24

oo yes again thank you all for feedback (negative and positive). I present today and i am not making changes to this, due to other reasons that i'm not entitled to speak on. :)

Answer 25

good luck!

Answer 26

thank you