Here is a story I've been working on I'm wondering if I should add more to it.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Dd2P3NZOASHY6eh8Db8EKYJqtLYmloEZWPa9zYb7QBI/edit?usp=sharing

Question

Here is a story I've been working on I'm wondering if I should add more to it.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Dd2P3NZOASHY6eh8Db8EKYJqtLYmloEZWPa9zYb7QBI/edit?usp=sharing

fwval · Answer

long story but 10/10 good job id like to see more of this

Spectrum · Answer

If you could make the font smaller please. It's too big and it's so much scrolling. Just a suggestion. 😁

Spectrum · Answer

@spectrum wrote:

If you could make the font smaller please. It's too big and it's so much scrolling. Just a suggestion. 😁

I'm literally not reading it because I'm not scrolling so much and it's hard to read.

5StarFab · Answer

@spectrum wrote:

If you could make the font smaller, please. It's too big and it's so much scrolling. Just a suggestion. 😁

I'm not reading it because I'm not scrolling so much and it's hard to read.

Well, I did make this when I was in ninth grade, I'm heading into twelve soon so if the fonts are funky that's why, but I'm not gonna change it because I have several disabilities and it's hard to maintain focus when I change how I had stuff.

kingvox · Answer

nice

NaiNoah · Answer

W story

kingvox · Answer

i didnt read it

5StarFab · Answer

@kingvox wrote:

i didnt read it

Okay, good for you.

Glorious · Answer

10/10

Glorious · Answer

Keep up the great work!

5StarFab · Answer

Here are a few others I've been working on their still a work in this one is called The Infected. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hiyQ5-grfm2ORSAS8m92BXdozBZFUVdcx49F03AF-DM/edit?tab=t.0 This one is called the end of the world. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hiyQ5-grfm2ORSAS8m92BXdozBZFUVdcx49F03AF-DM/edit?tab=t.0 I'm aware both stories are very similar that's how I wrote them so if you guys have any feedback positive or negative feel free to share them, just don't be on here giving feedback if it's irrelevant

SaltySuga · Answer

W

CecePitbull · Answer

I think its good, but in my opinion the war across like what ukrane and  russia wasn't the most tragic in history. But then again that is a matter of opinion. good for 9th grade though. Quick question, do you have adhd or something making it hard to focus?. Just asking because I might be able to give some sort of advice. Thanks Cece.😎

foxey3 · Answer

1- The pacing. I felt like it was going too fast. Slow it down a bit. 
2- Add more narrative and description.  For example- [He yelled “Take cover”, everybody looked at him strangely then they saw the plane and screamed and panicked. The plane hit the ground and demolished everything surrounding the white house. ]
Add afterward how it felt {The clear place was filled with ash and plane parts Every person in the room was running in panic. Terror entered the room. Only Tristan walked up.}
3- Grammer/Format- Like the other person said, do a smaller text size. You also want to enter 2 times after someone is done speaking.

[Merrick was speechless. He then said,” Why does this concern me?” (Also don't add the 'He then said. The readers will understand)

Tristan then showed him the notepad with the locations of their next attack.

Merrick said, “I will inform the rest of the gang.”}

Other than that it's good. Just pay attention to the pacing, what the characters are thinking, and the format.

CecePitbull · Answer

Holy is it long though. Good job, like fr. I'm gonna make a shortened version if you don't mind just so its easier for other readers.

CecePitbull · Answer

Like different font not changing the story

CecePitbull · Answer

oh actually im on my school account, ill get my friends to do  it.

5StarFab · Answer

@foxey3 wrote:

1- The pacing. I felt like it was going too fast. Slow it down a bit. 2- Add more narrative and description. For example- when he yelled “Take cover”, everybody looked at him strangely then they saw the plane and screamed and panicked. The plane hit the ground and demolished everything surrounding the white house. ] Add afterward how it felt {The clear place was filled with ash and plane parts Every person in the room was running in panic. Terror entered the room. Only Tristan walked up.} 3- Grammer/Format- Like the other person said, do a smaller text size. You also want to enter 2 times after someone is done speaking. [Merrick was speechless. He then said,” Why does this concern me?” (Also don't add the 'He then said. The readers will understand) Tristan then showed him the notepad with the locations of their next attack. Merrick said, “I will inform the rest of the gang.”} Other than that it's good. Just pay attention to the pacing, what the characters are thinking, and the format.

I'll keep it how it is, changing it would ruin the entire story.

Breathless · Answer

W a r

Midnight97 · Answer

From what I have read, it is a good story, I'd say you don't have to add anything to it if you don't want too but 10/10 good job

5StarFab · Answer

@breathless wrote:

W a r

Your point being?

5StarFab · Answer

@cecepitbull wrote:

I think its good, but in my opinion the war across like what ukrane and russia wasn't the most tragic in history. But then again that is a matter of opinion. good for 9th grade though. Quick question, do you have adhd or something making it hard to focus?. Just asking because I might be able to give some sort of advice. Thanks Cece.😎

Besides the holocaust I strongly disagree with your statement because the Russians destroyed several hospitals and killed many Ukraine citizens

CecePitbull · Answer

@5starfab wrote:

@cecepitbull wrote:

I think its good, but in my opinion the war across like what ukrane and russia wasn't the most tragic in history. But then again that is a matter of opinion. good for 9th grade though. Quick question, do you have adhd or something making it hard to focus?. Just asking because I might be able to give some sort of advice. Thanks Cece.😎

Besides the holocaust I strongly disagree with your statement because the Russians destroyed several hospitals and killed many Ukraine citizens

uh yes I agree with you, just letting you know. i didn't write this, it was either my sister or my brother because when I'm trying to give actual criticism, I don't add emojis.