a short horror story, (the girl in the woods)

I was in the woods reading and studying and I heard a snap I looked up and I saw my friend and I waved hi and he walked off I continue reading and I nodded off and I woke up with a start reliezing it was time to go home and when I was walking home someone grabbed me and I screamed and I started pounding my fist against the person but he put his hand over my mouth trying to suffocate me and I tried to bite him and he kicked me and I finally broke free and ran to my family when I opened the door I saw blood spluttered everywhere and I cry and the killer laughed and I was mad and I attacked him but he threw me into the wall and I was hurt badly and I coughed up blood and he cut my throat and everything went dark.

the end.

Question

a short horror story, (the girl in the woods)

I was in the woods reading and studying and I heard a snap I looked up and I saw my friend and I waved hi and he walked off I continue reading and I nodded off and I woke up with a start reliezing it was time to go home and when I was walking home someone grabbed me and I screamed and I started pounding my fist against the person but he put his hand over my mouth trying to suffocate me and I tried to bite him and he kicked me and I finally broke free and ran to my family when I opened the door I saw blood spluttered everywhere and I cry and the killer laughed and I was mad and I attacked him but he threw me into the wall and I was hurt badly and I coughed up blood and he cut my throat and everything went dark.

the end.

Shadowandsage · Answer

I tried am not good yet but am trying

Tryce · Answer

its small but a good short story :)

Shadowandsage · Answer

Thx

Tryce · Answer

np

Stryker445 · Answer

try making two sentence horror stories

Shadowandsage · Answer

ok thx for your help I will try again here soon.

Tryce · Answer

hope you do a great job :>

Shadowandsage · Answer

thx

SnowyBreaks · Answer

not bad. Could use a bit more details and some more action. But overall, you did well

Shadowandsage · Answer

thx :3 its my first short story but I like writing mostly long horror stories its mostly what I do it helps with my ADHD and my thinking.

SnowyBreaks · Answer

@shadowandsage wrote:

thx :3 its my first short story but I like writing mostly long horror stories its mostly what I do it helps with my ADHD and my thinking.

Understandable, I have adhd myself, so yeah I completely understand

gelphielvr · Answer

not sure if you're looking for cirque but I noticed that the entire paragraph is just a long run on sentence. I would recommend shortening the sentences and using grammar to make it more readable

Shadowandsage · Answer

Ok thx for your feedback. :)

Shadowandsage · Answer

Ok I see it now lol I wrote while tired sorry.

Strawberriesrgud7 · Answer

@gelphielvr wrote:

not sure if you're looking for cirque but I noticed that the entire paragraph is just a long run on sentence. I would recommend shortening the sentences and using grammar to make it more readable

Nice story, but I'm going to have to agree with them. There's a lot of run-on sentences, so maybe you can turn them into complex compound sentences instead. You could also use punctuation such as periods and commas to separate sentences and words. Another suggestion is you can also show more movement/emotion for the girl describing how she was tired, explain how she was mad when he laughed as she discovered that her family was dead, or how badly she was hurt. I would say more about this, but I don't want to yap too much.