Question

-You Loved Her Out Loud, and Me in Secret-

I keep replaying that line
you sent to her
while you were holding my heart
in both your hands.
“Don’t make me break up with her
to prove I love you more.”
Like breaking me
was some kind of love letter
you wanted to give another girl.
Like hurting me
was something you were willing to do
just to win her over.
You didn’t even say my name.
Just “her.”
Like I was a shadow,
a background piece,
something small enough
to throw away
if it made you look good to her.
And the worst part?
I believed you.
I believed your “I love you’s,”
your late-night talks,
your soft words.
Meanwhile
you were giving HER
the version of you
I thought was mine.
How long did you plan it?
How long did you smile at me
while thinking about her?
How long did you pretend
to be mine
while practicing ways
to leave me?
You loved her out loud
loud enough to type it,
loud enough to risk everything,
loud enough to let her know
you’d drop me
in one second
if it made her stay.
But me?
I got the quiet version.
The fake version.
The “don’t worry, babe” version.
The one you kept in the dark
because your light
was shining somewhere else.
I wasn’t the problem.
I wasn’t the mistake.
I just trusted someone
who was already planning
to walk away from me.
And now I’m done.
Done with boys
who call me “her”
like I’m not even real,
done with fake love
that breaks me to impress someone else.
You said you’d break up with me
to prove you loved her more
and that was the moment
I realized
you never loved me at all