Question

My friend is working on poem: timing, rhyme variation, and flow: please let me know your thoughts.

Answer 1

The Ethic of Final Things

As if I've truly vanished from the earth,
your reluctance dictates that we'll never meet.
Our ardent pledges wane are incomplete.
In the wake of a thousand tine splits,
expectations scamper as hearts explore
schedules that will deliver a time that fits.
an early rendezvous, I implore.
So many reckless moves congest the years
yet purpose have the aura all is is well.
Will there be faith enough to face the knell?
The Lady Ore The Tiger? Reply is clear
to the last survivor. the most sincere.

Jim Corner

Answer 2

veryy nice..poem..good effort jim...if some words more rhyme wid one another it will be more nice poem..

Answer 3

I like the enjambment of the 7th line. That poem would benefit from more enjambment.

Answer 4

good poem, the rhyming structure is a little broken though. remind your friend that it can be beneficial to make up words for poem so that the poem will flow well and your ideas can still be expressed. shakespear was the origionator of over 50 words

Answer 5

It is a bit hard to tell the flow of poetry when not hearing the writer speak it.. the flow could be determined by the speaker. If it is a freeform poem, this is great. If you are trying to meet a certain theme or criteria, I need more information. Good luck.

Answer 6

The ending is rock solid. In terms of rhyme variation though no solid scheme is really held, but I really do like the poem. Sounds good, and frankly it isn't a sonnet so to hell with a proper scheme.

Answer 7

Lines 1,5, and 8 seem out of place. I think those lines mess up the rhyming scheme. But if he isn't trying to rhyme every two lines or every other line he needs to rethink some of the words. Choose the words very carefully because they form the flow of the poem and this one has no flow at all.

Answer 8

A nice poem with nice thought reminding of the other modern English poets.