Question

can someone read it and fix it
Hashim, Safina
English HP, Period 4
September 14, 2011
The Chosen Passage

“I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning; meaning is not automatically given to life. “ [Potok. 24]

David Malter

Answer 1

Hashim, Safina
English HP, Period 4
September 14, 2011
The Chosen Passage

“I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning; meaning is not automatically given to life. “ [Potok. 24]

David Malter emphasizes the prevalence of suffering, then explains the awareness of the world’s suffering makes a person empathize with others and therefore appreciate all of life and every detail of God’s creation. Even though we believe that a “blink of an eye is nothing”, we should appreciate every aspect of eye and merely the blinking of the eye. Potok continuously brings eye imagery throughout The Chosen to symbolize perception of the world and one’s own soul. The passage also contrasts with Reb Saunder’s in Chapter 7. The differences between the two fathers is unlike Reb Saunders, David Malter’s speaks in a gentle tone, explaining. David Malter’s tone is more sympathetic teacher rather than a harsh leader Reb Saunders argues Jews to retreat passively into study and believes meaning is given to life at birth, David Malter believes life is not given meaning at birth. He argues that a persons life with meaning along the way.

Answer 2

Bear in mind that everyone has their own way of writing and you may not agree with some of the choices I have made for correction. Here's my opinion on what needs to be changed:

Add the closing parenthesis directly after the period. I noticed that you didn't have it in the correct spot. It should look like this:
"A man must fill his life with meaning; meaning is not automatically given to life." [Potok. 24]

A comma isn't needed after "suffering" in the sentence "David Malter emphasizes the prevalence of suffering. . ."

"The Chosen" should be in parenthesis or underlined if it's a title of a book, article, movie, etc. "The Chosen Passage" should be underlined or in parenthesis as well since it's the title of your SCR (short constructive response).

"The differences between the two fathers is unlike Reb Saunders, David Malter’s speaks in a gentle tone, explaining." Add a comma after "is", replace the comma after "tone" with "when", omit the "s " after "difference" and " 's " at the end of Malter, and combine part of the next sentence so the sentence looks like this "The difference between the two fathers is, unlike Reb Saunders, David Malters speaks in a gentle tone when explaining-- David Malter’s tone is more of a sympathetic teacher rather than a harsh leader." (Note: I added "of a" after "more" since you're comparing David Malter's tone of voice to one sympathetic teacher.)

Now, since I moved the the sentence "David Malter's tone is more of a sympathetic. . ." You can make a separate sentence with "Another difference is that Reb Saunders argues Jews should retreat passively into study, and he believes meaning is given to life at birth." (I made a couple of corrections. First, I added "another difference" since, in the last sentence, you were trying to explain two difference between the two characters but only mentioned one in the sentence. Second, I added "should" since it's Reb Saunder's point of view that Jews need to retreat passively into study. Lastly, I added a comma and "and" to separate those two beliefs.)

"David Malter believes life is not given meaning at birth. He argues that a persons life with meaning along the way." (The two sentences here can be combined into one using "but rather" as a conjunction. I also made a couple of corrections so that the sentence doesn't sound fragmented and awkward. It'll look something like this: "David Malter believes life is not given meaning at birth, but rather, a person's life is given meaning along the way."