Question

Can somebody please read over this and tell me if it is any good. I am tired and writing this at the last minute. It is for my eng. class and I am supposed to pick out an advertisement and describe who it is written for and how it would be different if it was written for a different demographic. I am not asking for a 100% grammar check, but just want to be sure that coherent. The ad is a picture of a watch against an all black background.

" Just out of college, James finally got his first real job. For the first time in his life he has real money to spend. Now James just needs to look

Answer 1

the part. James wears an Armani suit and drives a BMW, but what is missing? As he is reading his copy of Forbes Magazine he sees it; The limited edition Gergé Type-M3 Metropolis 18Kt. red gold and titanium case with certified chronometer an automatic mono-pusher chronograph Swiss watch. The sleek design catches his eye. The dials and functions scream sophistication. The back of the watch displays the gears, which makes James think he understands how the watch works. This is the epitome of manhood.
This is a simple, but powerful advert because it makes the viewer feel sophisticated rather than telling the viewer that he is. This watch is part of the infinity collection, which sounds intelligent thus making owner, or owner-to-be, feel like it makes him more intelligent by buying this watch. This is clearly written for men that like to spend their money on their appearance. The small text in the corner has the specs, or specifications, written; 18Kt. red gold and titanium case, certified chronometer, etc. These are all things the owner can tell people when they ask about his watch. These specs would be different if the audience was more technical.
If the advertisement was written for a new software designer at Apple the advert would appear in a technology magazine and the specs might have more technical information; Water resistant to 100 meters, a domed sapphire crystal (this means that the glass is much more resilient and will show less scratches than the more standard “Mineral” crystal), and the specific type of titanium used for the case (5n). The ad may have a picture of the watch with each spec underlined and pointing to the part of the watch it describes, and have a very computerized look to it.
This advertisement chose to focus on the “beauty” of the watch and how much it costs. The information about how it works is very limited as it fails to even mention how long the battery lasts. This is probably because it may bore the target audience. They chose to use very little words, and let the picture sell the watch. This was put in business magazine next to other luxury items. The advertisement game is all about location, and emotions. It is truly a science, and the advertisement department at Gergé are truly versed in all of its nuances.

Answer 2

I dont really think there is any thing wrong with your essay

Answer 3

but if you want you could try to change some stuff in the bottom paragraph (reword)

your choice

but i think it is ok as it is

Answer 4

An interesting take on watch marketing - I didn't think I could be this interested in a men's mag ad before :p A few possible areas of change:

-Try to vary your sentence lengths a bit more. They are very punchy and short at the start (which is an effect I like), but you sometimes want to maintain that "punchiness" feeling by breaking it up with longer sentences in between. Maybe put a few of them together, for instance.
-I would replace "manhood" with "masculinity," personally. There are some sexual connotations with the former that don't necessarily need to be in the piece, but that's a style call only you can make.
-The semicolons at "...it; The limited..." and "...written; 18Kt...." and "...information; Water..."are used incorrectly. The last one can be easily converted to a colon; I'll let you work out how the other ones can be improved :p
-The final paragraph is almost exclusively made up sentences starting with "Th" words: "This"..."The"..."This"..."They"..."This"..."The"... Try starting a few of those with different words so it sounds a bit less repetitious.

Otherwise, nice job! I want to go buy a watch now, haha.

Answer 5

^^