Can someone help me make this thesis statement more concise..? "Individual pride is something you need to succeed in life but if you aren’t careful with it, then It could ruin your life instead."

Question

anonymous · Answer

Im not sure what you mean, but here goes

Individual pride can lead to success, but if not used carefully it will ruin your life

anonymous · Answer

i think it means shorter lol its what my teacher said..

anonymous · Answer

As in work hard  and you will succeed in life like you can end up being a doctor or a lawyer and have a success career, So what they mean you have to be "careful" not to lose focus on your hard work or your will end up somewhere bad..

anonymous · Answer

yes

anonymous · Answer

shorter so ......

anonymous · Answer

Pride leads to sucess, but careless usage ruins your life

anonymous · Answer

.*

anonymous · Answer

Steph, You told us to write a thesis statement more concise: few words as possible to give the necessary information. Do you think i need to work more on the writing i gave you or your teacher needs a little more?

anonymous · Answer

i think she needs, a shorter version of it which conveys the same meaning

anonymous · Answer

yeah that one sounds good @SS and wait what ? yeah i jus need a shorter version that still gives the same message

anonymous · Answer

Yup, @ SS (short and clearly written or stated)