Question

I won a contest and had this published....somewhere... I wanna see OS dissect it...

Answer 1

. All should endure a great deal of suffering in their life. Beware of those who do not, for how can they be trusted when there are certainly many who do?


. Far worse than them, however, are the hidden enemies of maturity and paternal influence. It is by observable predecessors and the coming of age, from childhood we are guided and transformed into monsters.


. Almost every human being that I have come to know personally has the same things to complain about. It bothers me to know for a fact that they are completely oblivious to just how horrible things could be for them.


. We are taught to believe that with hard selfish work and proper disregard to others, we will align with some sort of asymptote or reach a culmination of despair. Of course it is effective, but not without leaving others behind as the milieus of misfortune.


. I say our children should know this reality and be taught to repel or at least question that perspective. We should live like the limit of despondency is only a myth, because to very many people in this world, that limit simply doesn't exist.


. If we all would recognize this stupidity, we would probably do more to avoid it. There would be less, or no poverty, and no corruption in leadership. There would be no reason for it.


. I stuff down tears when I watch the news reels depicting people who are starving so badly that their ribs look like xylophones, as if their body is eating itself... But then I see their children--in the same condition-- running around and playing in the streets smiling and laughing...no shoes, no shirts, sometimes wearing nothing more than a cloth resembling a diaper.

. I think of them whenever I hear someone complain about their job or their bills or how the stupid fast food girl forgot to take off the pickles. I think of those children when I'm mocked for not wanting to drive or become an employee of this profoundly sick society.

. Strangely, it is also a fact that a curtain was hung during their childhood in order to make them sensitive and fearful; to make them feel powerless over the real horror in the world. The ones who hung that curtain also had a curtain hung for them.


. And so it goes through history all the way back to a much simpler time, when there was no need for the curtain at all. That was a time when everyone suffered equally...


. Now we are here, in a world where a human being is evil and considered normal; where a person idolizes the idea of doing as little as possible for anyone while gaining as much as possible for themselves. We strive to become our idol and turn a blind eye to everyone else while sailing through the opportunistic skies with our blind eye on the ball.


. This is growing up in the here and now, for everyone except those who starve and those who sleep in the sleeted streets. We have all been raised to worship money and make everything worth numeric value, high or low.


. But I want you all to listen to those children play...hear their voices...understand that they have never even seen money. I want everyone to speak to one of these children and remember the joy they possess. Those voices should be in your minds.


. How could they possibly be so happy? How can they even walk, being so thin, let alone run?


. How can we sleep in these warm houses, pay for this car insurance, carry around these smart-phones, work for this money, eat all this food, throw away all this food and junk?


. As we grow closer to bliss we ascend farther from the solid cold ground. Something inside our heads is always shouting that we must come back down.


. The message is clearly conveyed, screaming and terrified from inside, "You must not stray from that miserable establishment..."


. All the while the little person inside goes unheard. Their voices are drowned out by wind and turbulence, from rising so swiftly to self realization and personal happiness.


. Who would come back anyway? Even when hearing the inner children lament, who can resist the outer gods? There are none free enough to be swayed by a child. All but those timid children are plagued with this immutable and torpid affliction.


. The outer gods are swollen and ulcerous egos. They are terminal narcissists. They look down on the children in derision, as if the fragile little creatures were nothing more than obstacles on the ground to be maneuvered around.


. They will no doubt soar in the deluge of selfish cravings and beautiful distractions, and they will no doubt forget the distance they put between themselves and their incipient silo. But no matter how surrounded by punishment they think they are before their ascent, they can never be prepared for the inevitable and fierce return to that solid cold ground.


. As their altitude increases, so proportionally shall the force of their impact.

Answer 2

Beware of those who do not! How can they be trusted when there are certainly many who do?
I BELIEVE THIS SHOULD BE 2 SENTENCES

Answer 3

Hmmm... Okay!

Answer 4

We are taught to believe that with hard selfish work and proper disregard to others, we will align with some sort of asymptote or reach a culmination of despair.
THIS SEEMS LIKE A RUN ON SENTENCE

Answer 5

I say our children should know this reality and be taught to repel, or at least question that perspective.
ADD COMMA

Answer 6

@countonme123 thanks! What did you think of the content, grammatical critique aside?

Answer 7

Wow that was powerful!

Answer 8

It's true we complain about the little annoying things, but somewhere across the globe there is a kid who can find happiness in nothing.
SIMPLY AMAZING! I am sure this was a moving report.It would be nice to hear someone read it.

Answer 9

I plan to read it aloud tonight at an open mic.

Answer 10

wow great! wish I was there! Best of luck to you.

Answer 11

amazing, love it; shows a great topic and proves it, like choice of words. good luck tonight (:

Answer 12

Remarkable sounds great, everything fits in combination is good