Question

Proof Read my paper please and feel free to edit as much as possible!

Answer 1

hi, when is this due? I don't have much time tonight, but I am skimming it for the bare necessities (grammer, punctuation, etc). If it is due later in the week, it is possible that I can go over it in more depth in a few days.

Answer 2

Okay, here is a quick edited version. Depending on the due date and my schedule, I'm not sure if I'll be able to work on this more. However, I fixed most of the grammar-ish issues, and I encourage you to work more on your ideas. Sometimes, your paragraphs seemed a little choppy - try to vary the sentence structure and word choice to make them flow together. Also, I'm not sure how your teacher prefers you to write essays, but most paragraphs follow this template:

Topic sentence (similar to a thesis - explains the main point of your paragraph)
-Supporting sentence
-Example
-Supporting sentence
-Quotation
-Concluding sentence (which wraps up your paragraph and connects to the next one).

The order of the inside can obviously be changed, but the overall structure stays very similar. Also, while your introduction began well, you don't have a clear thesis. This should state exactly what you are talking about in your essay (the main idea). I am still not entirely sure what you are trying to get at in your paper. Even just "The Cold War resulted in many cultural, societal and economic changes in both Germany and the United States" would do, though you should probably make the thesis more specific. You can add in your main points.

Just as a reminder, your essay structure should look something like this:

INTRODUCTION
-thesis (at end)

SUPPORTING PARAGRAPH 1
SUPPORTING PARAGRAPH 2
SUPPORTING PARAGRAPH 3

CONCLUSION
-restate thesis (beginning, in different words)
- quick summary of your main ideas
- end on a thought - you want to leave your reader thinking. you can include a question, a quote, look towards the future, whatever. The point is to make the essay stick in the reader's mind. Remember to tie in your conclusion with your introduction. (mention the quote again).

You can have as many supporting paragraphs as you want, but they should each have their own clearly stated point. For example, one paragraph can speak about the effects America's culture had on women. The next one could be about the effects of media, or music, or the economy. Make sure you link them somehow. (if you just finished writing a paragraph on the media, you could say, "Clearly, America had a very large influence on Germany's media, introducing different opinions and ideas to the general public" and then in your next paragraph, you could talk about how the public behavior changed).

Okay, that was long. If you have any questions, feel free to ask - i'll try to help if i'm online!

Answer 3

its due today thanks

Answer 4

That was a really great essay by the way. :)

Answer 5

thank you