Question

will someone edit this for me real quick?

Answer 1

Very well written! What I've perceived from the beginning of your paper is that you become a little to accustom with the word opinion. Use similar words, try avoiding selfsame verbal usage. I've also spotted very few run on sentences. Don't be afraid to end a sentence by the second comma. Trust me, it will still hold the velocity and hard hitting sentence you want. You just won't be out of breathe will reading it.

Ex)

In my opinion, and the of many nutritional experts, fast food should be completely taken out of all school systems. This judgement stems from many facts including; fast food is one of the leading causes of obesity, it raises insulin resistance, and LDL (bad) cholesterol levels.

Answer 2

Thank you! You've just saved my day (and possibly my English grade) =)

Answer 3

No problem! You did an amazing job!

Answer 4

It looks great man, the only thing I have to say (in addition to HaperFink22) is when you mentioned new junk food compared to old junk food, you should explain why they are different, for example I know that back in the 60's fast food restaurants used lard, instead of today's oil and grease. Those kinds of things significantly effected the amount of calories and carbs a food item had. But other than that tiny suggestion, it was great, and I enjoyed learning some new information.

Answer 5

thanks. i'll fix that