Question

Hows my short story...

Answer 1

Whenever I returned home from school or anywhere else; my mother…the loveliest and most caring mummy of the world had always her innocent smile saved for me. It never mattered that the day was so tiring or she was ill or anything else. What I liked always was her soft hand soothing my head…in her lap. It felt like heaven… and it was not going to happen again in the near future I will have to miss that.
I wanted the time to stop for a while to get some to spend with them…But it seemed to be in more hurry today. The 8 minutes passed in a thrice…And within all these, platform started shifting back and the train crawled…
I got up to see off of my papa. We walked to the gate of the compartment.
“Do take care. Keep calling. Also don’t forget to have lunch and dinner, its long journey...” He was walking with the train.
“I’ll do that; please do take care of yourself and mummy too. I’ll manage everything… You must go now, its speeding…”
My father tried to deliver every possible command. The train went faster like it was trying to seize even my last minutes with him. He left walking and stopped… and I left Patna. People were sending good byes to their relative from the platform… But my papa and I were and calm like a statue in the chaos…
“Please, take care of mummy…”I whispered from the gate. Don’t know if he got that or not. These were my last words. Walking back to my compartment; face of my mum was hovering in my mind. I went on the upper birth and leaned back. After the short spanned hell-mell situation, everything went tacit and mute She was still there; I tried to get deeper in thoughts, to recollect her memories…she was as usual smiling for me. I could not hug her this time…A glancing unease speared my heart…missing my mom in just one hour of detachment… “O God! My mum…” I tried and could not even cry; suffocation choked my throat. The train was running furiously in opposite direction laughing on me who wanted her to get back. Giving up the fight was my last option. I collapsed …I could not cope with the situation…Tears fell. I moaned and slept…don’t know when.

Answer 2

This was a very strong written paper. It needs some corrections in your sentence structure. I redid some things for you and suggested some corrections for you to make on your own. Overall it was well written. Good Luck.

~ Melissa Z P/S Its attached with Microsoft Word