Question

Quick Fix!

Answer 1

When you’re going through a tough time, it can feel like a whole army is after you. What you don’t realize is there is nothing but an army of shadows.

Fix this please? :]]]

Answer 2

it can be written concisely

Answer 3

Is there a specific way you want it done?

Answer 4

I just feel like it's a little messy. It can be written better.

Answer 5

Ok. Here goes.

Answer 6

Thanks

Answer 7

Have you ever been through a tough time? It feels like a whole army's after you? But there something that you don't realize, that there's nothing after you, but the shadows.

Answer 8

Sorry it took so long to reply. Cleaning up the house.

Answer 9

messy, but that can be used if you're running a small speech

Answer 10

I'm writing an intro to a small online book I write for amusement. It's titled, Army of Shadows. I just need a great intro sentence.

Answer 11

then write all of it before you start rewriting them :)

Answer 12

It's the motto for the story, I have like 2 chapters and everything else made.

Answer 13

If you want to make it more impactful, you can try creating a greater relationship between the words and add drama. Such as below :

When you’re going through dark times, it may feel as if an entire army is after you.

What you don’t realize is that there's nothing but an army of shadows.

Or something like that. Just try switching out words and finding synonyms until it seems right to you. Good luck, fellow writer :)

Answer 14

Another tricksy sort of writing tip is to just add in italicization on specific words for more emphasis and /drama/. Somewhat sneaky but effective, haha :)

Answer 15

Thans guys! It would be awesome if you could help with this sentence:

My favorite thing about being in the shower is that no one can hear my sobs. My tears mend with the water and for 10 minutes, I escape the world. I think about what Maya said yesterday and she is right. I am filled and motivated with hatred and bitterness and the worst part is I don't know why.

Answer 16

I think it looks good and supplies the right kind of feeling you're going for. When I actually first read it, I didn't realize it was fiction and rightly panicked a little bit. ._. But I guess if you could improve it, combining sentences for longer ones is something you could do? I like it though.

Answer 17

Cool thanks! :)