Question

PLZ HELP!!
I am writing an essay for Rutgers U. and i just need some advice on how to improve the following sentences:

I succeeded, in the end, and became at the top of my class. However, to this day, I never forgot those experiences, but when I had to face those experiences again in my high school, they were still not that extent and the same with Rutgers University.

Answer 1

@monokerous can u plz help?

Answer 2

what exactly needs changing?

Answer 3

well i need to shorten it a little becuase if u read u might get confused ur self

also, i so not know how to organize the sentences or phrases in a way that is easier to understand

Answer 4

also i do* not know

Answer 5

I would change it this way. In the end I succeeded and became top of my class (it's better if you don't break the phrase with the temporal qualifier).

Answer 6

Also you don't need "at".

Answer 7

Second sentence might better read: I will never forget that experience (often you can sum up a variety of separate "experiences" as one single experience, it's clearer and stronger).

Answer 8

The second half of that sentence seems a bit confused. You went to high school. The experience was difficult or challenging or traumatic, but even if you had to face it again, it would not be as difficult or as challenging as what you are now facing at R? Is that what you mean?

Answer 9

yes

Answer 10

can u plz continue ? @GilbertReid

Answer 11

Okay. You could write something like this: The high school experience was very challenging. But even if I had to face it again, it wouldn't be anywhere near as difficult as the challenges that now face me at R

Answer 12

wait but i am still applying to Rutgers

and what i am saying is

the experinces at my elementary were far worse than the experiences at my high school

adn similarily the experiences at my high school will not harder that the experiences i will have at R

basically, becuase i am getting more experienced as i grow, each higher level of education will be easier than the previous

Answer 13

harder than* the

Answer 14

@GilbertRaid plz help

Answer 15

@GilbertReid

Answer 16

Introduction with thesis.
Body with 2-3 supporting paragraphs
closing remarks or summary.

Answer 17

what do u mean i already know all of that

i am asking for some advice on correcting sentences that are long and hard to understand

Answer 18

@panlac01

Answer 19

In the end, I succeeded in life and was at the top of my class. The experiences I have had, however, will never be forgotten, because I know that the endeavor continues specially when I get admitted to Rutgers University.

Answer 20

I am not sure of the nature of these experiences and how they were properly constructed in the body of your sentence. Let alone not knowing the specific thesis of your essay.

Answer 21

ok this is what i meant by experiences


basically, becuase i am getting more experiences as i grow, each higher level of education will be easier than the previous one

Answer 22

Then whatever I typed just need to be rephrased to fit your personal statement. Brevity is the key :)

Answer 23

well that is what i need help in

Answer 24

the experiences were being treated poorly becuase i did not know how to speak English and some of my classmates scoffed at me as a result

Answer 25

It is not advisable to look at experiences anthropomorphically. When you do, you will run in sorts of grammatical and logical errors.

Answer 26

is this going to be your application essay letter?

Answer 27

yes i am an undergraduate

Answer 28

Unless you are competing for a scholarship position, they only care if you can write coherent essays - that you can display the mechanics of essay writing. But if you think English is not one of your strong points, it is worth taking remedial class. I am sure you will get an admittance, but they will put you in a lower English level.

Answer 29

i just need help in those few sentences, why are u making this complicated ?

Answer 30

I already gave you my input.

In the end, I succeeded in life and was at the top of my class. The experiences I have had, however, will never be forgotten, because I know that the endeavor continues specially when I get admitted to Rutgers University.

Answer 31

ok then thanku