does my story sound ok so far???.....

You might be wondering what’s my name, were I’m from, and why I’m writing this. I would love to tell you, but you see, I don’t know. All I can remember is two words, save me. The words keep replaying in my head, yet I don’t know why. I struggle, trying to get out of the thing that looked like a bed, vary slowly I get to my feet, my legs felt like jelly. I looked around the tinny room, everything was painted white, well almost everything, the only thing colored was the painting on the door.

I hobbled over to the door to take a closer look,

Question

does my story sound ok so far???.....

You might be wondering what’s my name, were I’m from, and why I’m writing this. I would love to tell you, but you see, I don’t know.  All I can remember is two words, save me. The words keep replaying in my head, yet I don’t know why. I struggle, trying to get out of the thing that looked like a bed, vary slowly I get to my feet, my legs felt like jelly. I looked around the tinny room, everything was painted white, well almost everything, the only thing colored was the painting on the door.

I hobbled over to the door to take a closer look,

anonymous · Answer

Be careful to show and not tell.  Do you really need to ask those questions in the beginning.  First person is tricky, and you have to slowly engage the audience.  Try starting with. "Save Me"  Those words keep repeating in my head...why.  THEN in first person without engaging the audience let them know the main character dosn't know who he/she is.

anonymous · Answer

ok thats for the help!

anonymous · Answer

Keep up the good work.  Your writing is very interesting and I'd like to read more.  You will improve your technique the more you write, and that's the biggest thing you need to do right now.