Question

I need crits and suggestions<3

There is no home to return to.
The last light fades away.
All is lost, the Black sun rises,
As Darkness shrouds your way.

All good in the world has perished,
New eras, no longer ours.
The days of man have ended,
Replaced with lifeless hours.

Moments of death sear all memories

Pain is no foreign concept

And death lurks in every shadow

The smoke of burning and pure hate chokes the trees

Losses of nature that signal destruction"


Without you Frodo Baggins, this will be our new home.

Answer 1

the only part i thought was weird was the "black sun"

Answer 2

Well if you are familiar with LOTR, J R R talks about darkness and Legolas mentions a Red sun. It's derived from that concept.

Answer 3

red does sound better i guess, but if you like it keep it. i was just pointing it out.

Answer 4

I'll look into it. Thank you all the same<3 I'll take any crits or suggesttions.

Answer 5

I love it a lot. Had me all wrapped up, aha (;

Answer 6

it's amazing!!!

Answer 7

especially the first verse

Answer 8

Thank you<3 I'm working on the next verses.

Answer 9

ohh!! can you post it when you're done? can't wait to read the rest!