Question

Hi, im Katie. I need some help to correct my grammar errors on my creative writing

Answer 1

When I was 9-year-old, I lived in Daejon, Korea. I moved to Korea when I was 8-year-old, so at first, I didn’t have friends in Korea. But Ha-Eun, who lived beside my apartment, became my best friend. Our houses were very close so we always went school and came home together. Also, after school, we played at the playground where was in front of the apartment, and sometimes ate dinner at her house. I hang out with her all day long.
“ Sung-Hee! I found all of our ingredients!” Ha-Eun yelled at me.
“Really ?I couldn’t find knives yet! It was petty hard to find proper size.” I yelled at her.
“It’s ok! I will organize our ingredients for cooking”Ha-Eun called out.
Actually it did not mean that we were using real ingredients and utensils as we were just 9 years old, and of course we could not cook. We pretended variety of leaves and grass for ingredients, and proper thickness and length of branches for our knives. It was merely a simulation, but we cooked very seriously. If we needed fire, we looked for the red leaves, and put those down as if we had gas stove and cooked. Also we took actions as “Oh my god, It’s so hot. I can’t pick up this frying pan.” It looked ridiculous but it was serious to us.
I could not break the branches since branches were ruggedly, so one time, I wounded my hands. After the incident, I never broke the branches.Therefore, I just found out below the trees, which had the fallen branches. I kicked the leaves and tried to find suitable size for knives. The leaves and soil came in my shoes and my hand became shinning because of the grains of soil
“I finally find it!! I think these are perfect size” I yelled.
“Great, Let’s start it! I already classified all the leaves. This is bracken, cabbage, sesame leaf, and spinach” Ha-Eun pointed all of the ingredients and explained to me. In fact, those leaves did not look as if bracken, cabbage, sesame leaf and spinach, but we put on the act of real braken, cabbage, sesame leaf and spinach.
We finished to cook and started to eat our cookings.
“Here is the chef Sung-Hee’s food. You will cry for my delicious elegant five-star cooking.”I said proudly.
“No, you should be cry because of my the best cooking in the world!” she said proudly too.
We acted like fighting for the cooking, but we didn’t. We ate the one another’s cookings as if TV cooking programs. We admired like “Oh this food melts in my mouth. ” Actually, we didn’t eat the mass of leaves which was covered with the dirt. We impersonated eating delectable foods and trashed on the sand.
After the cooking, we went to the Ha-Eun’s house to eat dinner. When we washed out our hands, white soap bubbles became brown because of dust and we beat the grains of sand from our shoes. I really liked to eat Ha-Eun mother’s meal.I often was changed my favorite foods because of Ha-Eun mother’s cooking. For instance, I had disliked the steamed eggs before, but because of the Ha-Eun mother’s steam eggs, it turned into my favorite food. So I had gone to my house and said “Mom, tomorrow morning menu will be steamed eggs.” Like this, her cooking gave great influence to me. Furthermore, my heart leaps up when I was waiting for her cookings.
“Sung-Hee, we will move on next Friday.” Ha-Eun’s mother said.
“ Move?Where? To the next door from my house?” I thought that she was kidding, so I didn’t reply seriously. Also I really hoped that if they really moved, then came to the next door from my house since I always dreamed that.
“Nope, to the apartment number 207” she said, “Didn’t you know that? I supposed that Ha-Eun already told to you”
“No...Is that a fact? Don’t kidding!” I was slightly afraid about that, but I tried to deny. I never thought about she moved away to the another apartment, I always thought she would live beside of my apartment eternally. However, later, I realized that that was not kidding and she actually moved to the apartment number 207. I was shocked. The distance between my apartment to apartment number 207 was overly far to me. In reality, apart number 207 was approximately 500m far from my house, but I felt 500km far away from my house. For the first time since I had started to eat Ha-Eun mother’s meal, the meal was untasty and digested terrible. I held back my tears. I hoped Ha-Eun said “Sung-Hee! Surprised! That’s kidding. We never moved away this house. Don’t worry”, but she was serious.
Almost 9 p.m, after finishing eating dinner, I went to my house by myself. I was extremely depressed and still could not believe that she was moving. I was as gloomy as I was unable to stand upright. It was impossible to believe that she would not live beside my apartment anymore and that I could not play until late evening. My mother said, “You guys lived close so I allowed you to play with her until late evening”, which meant I could no longer play with Ha-Eun anymore as much as I used to do. Tears in my eyes, I walked up toward my house.
At home, I took off my shoes feebly .I didn’t want to cry in presence of my mom and notice that I was crying, so I got into my room directly. I flopped down and laid face down on the my bed. I cuddled my favorite teddy bear, burrowed my face into my pillow, and finally turned on the waterworks. I didn’t want my mother knew that I was crying, I wanted to be alone in my room. However, our house was not as big as that my mother could not hear my crying voice. We were able to hear all the each other’s voice as long as we were in the house.
My mom was astonished by my crying voice, ran to my room and said “What’s wrong, What’s wrong! Did someone bully you?” my mom said.
“No! Nothing! Please go out of my room!” I screamed.
“What’s the matter?” my mother asked. But I didn’t answer, still crying. I could not explain how sad am I. My mother keep soothing me.Almost 5 minutes after, my felt calm and finally, I explained why I was crying. But I could not say clearly because, after crying, I always had hiccup.
“Stop prevaricating!” my mother said.
“Ha-Eun is gone, she is gone. I can’t see her anymore.” I overcame with emotion, weeping again.
“What? Where?” my mom asked.
“To the apartment number 207. I can’t play with her. Today is the last time that I play with her. Today I said ‘Bye bye’ to her. ” I keep sobbing. Because of my teardrop , my light pink T-shirt became hot pink and my white pillow became light blue.
“She moved near the our house, you can play with her. Don’t crying ” My mom said as though could not understand why I was crying as went crazy. Apartment number 207 was not far from my apartment, but I felt that the distance between my house and apartment number 207 was from Korea to America. So I exaggerated that she immigrated abroad, I could not see and play with her anymore, had no friend to play with me, was treated as an outcast, and would not go to the school. I cried as if I lost my only joy on earth and everything in my life.
My sister came too and said “What happened! Why is it so loud.” So my mom explained why I was crying.
“How silly she is” she clicked her tongue and looked at me pitifully.
“I’m not silly Ha-Eun is really gone. Oh my god, you can’t understand my feeling” I took offense at my sister’s remark, so I was crying more loudly. I never stopped crying and my mom and sister keep pacifying me. At that night, a disturbance occurred because of me. Later, almost a hour after, I tired from crying, fell asleep.
Next morning, I had my eyes swollen with tear. During eating breakfast, I was crying again.
I kept rice in my mouth, and said “I don’t want to go school Mama.” In reality, that didm’t make sense that because of friend’s move ,absent from the school, but I was serious. I didn’t have any power to go to school. Therefore, that day, I didn’t go to school and I tried to calm my mind to watch TV and go shopping with my mom. I think Ha-Eun’s move was one of the saddest episodes during my elementary school years.

Answer 2

maybe @Peeps , an active member in writing , can help you, or he can tag someone who can help you.

Answer 3

or maybe @ShotGunGirl

Answer 4

lol

Answer 5

so you want help to make this better, right, katie?

Answer 6

she wants to correct her grammar mistakes, if any....

Answer 7

yes yes !!

Answer 8

grammar is one thing. But making the sentences better & the writing appealing is another. For example: lose redundant words.
" I moved to Korea when I was 8. So at first, I didn’t have any friends there." is better than what is written.

Answer 9

Next: no need to write "Our houses were very close" as you have already mentioned that you 2 were neighbors. You see, when it comes to writing, it's little things like this that count.

Answer 10

oh..i c!!

Answer 11

Yea but explaining how she can improve does help, right?

Answer 12

I'm trying to to be a mentor. Not just pointing out mistakes, but also explaining how she can become an excellent writer :P

Answer 13

Katie, do you still need help with your essay?

Answer 14

FYI, that file you uploaded can only be opened by Mac users =( . I am a pc.

Answer 15

umm.. i posted whole writing on the above!!

Answer 16

I know. I have put it into word and am editing it for you =) Give me a a few minutes and ill pate it back in so you can look at it.

Answer 17

I promise I am working on it but it may be a few minutes. =)

Answer 18

Haha thank u =)

Answer 19

Ok. The FINAL edit. Make sure to read it and make changes as needed. =) Hope I helped you out?


--------------------------------
When I was 9 years old, I was living in Daejon, Korea. I had moved to Korea when I was 8 years old; at first, I didn’t have friends in Korea. But Ha-Eun, who lived beside my apartment, became my best friend. Our houses were very close to each other so we always went school and back together. After school, we played at the playground in front of our (or my?) apartment and sometimes ate dinner at her house. I would hang out with her all day long.
“Sung-Hee!” Ha-Eun yelled at me one day, “I found all of our ingredients!”
“Really ? I couldn’t find knives yet! It was pretty hard to find proper size,” I yelled at her.
“It’s ok! I will organize our ingredients for cooking,” Ha-Eun called out.
Of course, it did not mean that we were using real ingredients and utensils -- we were only 9 years old -- and of course we could not cook. We pretended that a variety of leaves and grass would make good ingredients and that with the proper thickness and perfect length, branches could be used for our knives. It was merely a simulation, but we cooked very seriously. If we needed fire, we looked for the red leaves and placed them as if they were on a gas stove and we began cooking. We also made expressions such as, “Oh my god, it’s so hot. I can’t pick up this frying pan.” I am sure that it looked ridiculous, but it was a very serious matter to us. I could not break the branches since they were rough and jagged; one time, I wounded my hands attempting to. After the incident, I never broke the branches again; therefore, I just found searched for them below the trees where there were fallen branches. I would kick the leaves and try to find suitable sizes for knives. The leaves and soil would get in my shoes and my hands would become shiny due to the grains of soil.
“I finally [found] it! I think these are perfect size,” I yelled.
“Great, Let’s start it!” exclaimed Ha-Eun.
“I already classified all the leaves. This is bracken, cabbage, sesame leaf, and spinach,” Ha-Eun said as she pointed all of the ingredients and explained to me.
In reality, those leaves did not look as if they were bracken, cabbage, sesame leaf, and spinach, but we pretended they were. We finished “cooking” and started to “eat” our creation.
“Here is the chef Sung-Hee’s food. You will cry for my delicious elegant five-star cooking,” I said proudly.
---
“No, you should be cry because of my the best cooking in the world!” she also said proudly.
It probably seemed like we were fighting, but we weren’t. We sampled each other’s dish like they do on those televised cooking programs. We admired each other’s creations with compliments like, “Oh this food melts in my mouth.” Really, we didn’t “eat” the mass of leaves which were covered with the dirt. Instead, we pretended to eat these delectable foods and threw our scraps in the sand – our trash can. After cooking, we went to Ha-Eun’s house to eat real dinner. When we washed our hands, the white soap-bubbles became brown because of dust and also, the grains of sand from beating our shoes.
I really liked to eat Ha-Eun’s mother’s meals. I often changed my mind about what foods I liked or disliked due to Ha-Eun mother’s cooking. For instance, I had disliked steamed eggs before, but because of the way Ha-Eun’s mother steamed eggs, they became my favorite food.
--
When I came home, I said to my mother, “Mom, tomorrow morning menu will be steamed eggs.” As you can see, her mom’s cooking had a great influence on me. Furthermore, I would get excited and my heart would leap while I was watching her cook.
Then, one time her mother said, “Sung-Hee, we will move on next Friday.”
“Move? Where? To the next door from my house?” I asked jokingly.
I thought that she was kidding. I really hoped that if they really did move, they would move next door to my house – a dream of mine.
“Nope,” she said, “to the apartment number 207. Didn’t you know that? I supposed that Ha-Eun already told to you.”
“No. Is that a fact? Don’t kidding!” I pleaded.
I was somewhat afraid that she might be serious, but I tried to deny that it was the case, and was hopeful she was kidding around. I never thought about the possibility that she might move away to the another apartment; I always thought she would live beside my apartment for eternity. Later, however, I realized that she was not kidding and she did actually move to that apartment -- number 207.
---
I was shocked. The distance between my apartment to apartment number 207 seemed way too far away for me to fathom. In reality, apartment number 207 was only about 500 meters(?) (I WOULD CHECK DISTANCE ON THIS) from my house, but I felt that 500 meters(?) (ALSO CHECK DISTANCE HERE) was too far from my house.
For the first time since I had started eating Ha-Eun’s mother’s meals, I found the meal to be untasty and I did not digest it well. I held back my tears. I hoped that, at any moment, Ha-Eun would say, “Sung-Hee! Surprised! That’s kidding. We never moved away this house. Don’t worry,” but she did not. She was serious.
Around 9:00 p.m., after finishing dinner, I went to my house alone. I was extremely depressed and still could not believe that she was moving. I was as gloomy and I was unable to stand upright. It was impossible to believe that she would not live beside my apartment anymore and that I would not be able to play as late in the evenings as I had up until now.
My mother told me, “You guys lived close so I allowed you to play with her until late evening.”
This meant that I could no longer play with Ha-Eun as much as I used to anymore. With tears in my eyes, I walked toward my house. At home, I took off my shoes feebly. I didn’t want my mom to notice me crying so I went directly into my room. I flopped down and laid face down on my bed. I cuddled up with my favorite teddy bear, burrowed my face into my pillow, and finally turned on the waterworks. I didn’t want my mother to know that I was crying. I wanted to be alone in my room. Our house, however, was not that big and we were able to hear all of each other’s voices throughout the house.
---
My mom was startled by my crying, ran to my room, and said, “What’s wrong, What’s wrong! Did someone bully you?”
“No! Nothing! Please go out of my room!” I screamed.
“What’s the matter?” my mother asked.
Still crying, I didn’t answer. I could not explain how sad I was. My mother continued to sooth me. About five minutes later, I felt calm and finally, I explained why I was crying. I could not, however, explain clearly because I always got the hiccups after crying.
“Stop prevaricating!” my mother said.
“Ha-Eun is gone! She is gone! I can’t see her anymore!” I sobbed.
I was overcome with emotion.
“What? Where?” my mom asked.
“To the apartment number 207. I can’t play with her. Today is the last time that I play with her. Today I said ‘Bye bye’ to her,” I said to her.
Due to the tears, my light pink t-shirt looked hot pink and my white pillow appeared light blue.
“She moved near the our house, you can play with her. Don’t crying,” my mom explained.
She could not understand why I was crying as if I went crazy. Apartment number 207 was not far from my apartment, but it felt like the distance between my house and apartment number 207 was parallel to the distance from Korea to America. So, I exaggerated that she “immigrated abroad,” I could not see and play with her anymore, I had no friends to play with because I was treated like an outcast, and I would refuse to go to school. I cried as if I lost my only joy on earth and everything else in my life. My sister came in the room to and said, “What happened! Why is it so loud?”
So, then my mom explained why I was crying.
“How silly she is,” my sister said as she clicked her tongue and looked at me pitifully.
“I’m not silly! Ha-Eun is really gone. Oh my god, you can’t understand my feeling!” I shouted.
I was offended at my sister’s remark and began crying louder. I kept crying and my mom and sister kept pacifying me.
Almost an hour later, I grew tired, stopped crying, and fell asleep. The next morning, my eyes were swollen. During breakfast, I cried again. With rice stuffed in my mouth, I said, “I don’t want to go school Mama.” Realistically, none of this made sense -- that I didn’t want to go to school because a friend moved away and would be absent from school, but I was serious. I didn’t have any strength to go to school. Therefore, I stayed home that day to try and calm my mind by watching TV and going shopping with my mom. I think Ha-Eun’s move was one of the saddest experiences I suffered during my elementary school years.

Answer 20

Also, if you used a number between 0 and 10, you should always write them out like one, two three, etc. Anything over 10 you can use numbers like 11, 30, 500, etc. =)

Answer 21

oops, ignore the dashes, lol.