Question

Ugly teens become hot teenagers! Help with my paragraph? ;p

Answer 1

Ever since puberty struck, oh and did it strike hard, I've been socially demoted by my peers. Sure we were all somewhat awkward at 11-14 but I was more than just "awkward", I was a pizza faced, unibrow, zombified geek. My physique was very lopsided and misaligned, a lot like my glasses which never sat correctly on my nose. Not to mention, the dark circles underneath my eyes made me look drained, contradicting against my pasty white skin. I tried to go to bed early, I really did, but the insomnia and my passion for books would always get the better of me, so I'd read till 2am; only getting 4 hours asleep everyday. My straight elbow length chestnut brown hair always appeared greasy no matter how much I washed, but to be honest I've never been big on my appearance. I just wanted to look good but never exerted much effort towards my wish. It never became reality till puberty ended.

Answer 2

I mean ugly teens become hot adults! which is the name of the story :)

Answer 3

Sounds like a good story \(\large\ddot\smile\)
I have a few suggestions..
>I think the second sentence should end at "awkward"
>"I was a pizza-faced, zombified geek \(with\ a\ unibrow.\)"
>"contrasting against my pasty white skin" I think contrasting fits better
>"My straight, elbow-length chestnut brown hair"

Answer 4

Thank you! I knew I'd have to make small changes, I just typed this in 10 minutes! Lol, I have a lot of ideas for this story. This is the boring part, but I promise it will get better

Answer 5

We all know those girls who are gorgeous and can even make model's envy them. Well Danielle Jensen, Suzanne Damson, Cassandra Harrington, Diana Sylvan, and Jacqueline Francis where those girls. They where beautiful, popular, and every one in my high school, including me loved them. It was hard not to liked them because they seemed so sincere and helpful. That love fest ended very quickly when I discovered that they were fake insecure snobs. I over heard Suzanne who appeared to be the nicest of the girls, comment on how ugly and insecure all the girls at school are, excluding herself. She said we had reasons to be insecure, and she deliberately selected people's name including my own, and rating them on a scale from Hagrid to butt hole. She claimed she had the perfect body that every guy would go gaga for. The beautiful crew even talked behind each other's back, except for Danielle. She'd talk junk about anyone in front of their face, best friend, and family. She really couldn't be bothered, which infuriated me because no one could bring her down. She had an angelic voice that resembled Whitney Houston's and had Britney Spear's stage presence. She had never lost a word fight and would mentally torture you so badly you wouldn't even have the heart to physically fight her.

Answer 6

Is the first part like the intro, and then the second the actual start of the story?

Answer 7

Both are the first chapter, and the first paragraph is possibly also an intro.

Answer 8

I don't see how they fit together very well
But I like it so far :D

Answer 9

Thanks, well they eventually will fit together perfectly haha
You'll just have to keep reading to find out but I know I have some things to fill out