Question

Is this poem ok?


I suffer’d a thousand agonies from my master,
From her murderous words.
They were bullets that stung my frail heart.
I suffer’d enough as her slave.
I longed to be saved.

A big conflagration spread throughout the home.
Heat and smoke were all I inspired.
I could hear the ambulanza approaching,
Attempting to rescue.
As my wounded soul tried to escape the great fire,
I saw a figure within the fog.
Death was approaching me.
As he took each step,
I heard my clock ticking.
It finally approached me, hand extended,
Ready to rescue me away from this hell on ear

Answer 1

It's a bit awkward. I like the rhythm of the first 2 lines, but not the end of the first stanza. Your meter is off.

Answer 2

is that the only problem with the poem?

Answer 3

I guess it depends what the instructions are. Are you supposed to just write a poem or follow a specific form or use particular words or theme?

Answer 4

i was supposed to pick certain words from one of Walt Whitman's poems and to create my own using those words

Answer 5

does it suffice?

Answer 6

yes, I think you're good.

Answer 7

thanks

Answer 8

I liked it