Question

How can I make this Summary sound more intelligent?

Answer 1

How do I make this sound smarter? Do I have any grammar mistakes or anything like that? Is it good?

Answer 2

In Delirium, there is a cure for love (amor deliria nervosa); which is mandatory for residents of Portland, ME who are of eighteen years old and older. Lena can't wait for her eighteenth birthday because that is when her she will have her procedure. She is literally counting down days till the day when she will no longer be afraid of being infected. Months before her procedure, Lena ends up falling in love with an invalid (an uncured person who lives in the Wilds) named Alex. As an invalid living in Portland, ME; Alex has to pretend that has been cured to escape execution or imprisonment for life. This love completely takes over Lena, and she does not care what the government says about love, and in the end is determined not to have the cure even if it means dying. Her journey with Alex leads her to finding out the truth about her mother, and eventually to freedom but unfortunately freedom without Alex.

Answer 3

Try to make it simple and to the point by cutting out unnecessary words and connectors^^

Answer 4

No, that would just make it worse

Answer 5

Try: "In Delirium, there is a cure for love (amor deliria nervosa); which is mandatory for residents of Portland, ME who are of eighteen years old and older. Lena cannot wait for her eighteenth birthday because that is when her she will have her procedure. She is literally counting down the days until she will no longer have to be afraid of being infected. Months before her procedure, Lena falls in love with an invalid (an uncured person living in the Wilds) named Alex. As an invalid living in Portland, ME, Alex pretends he has been cured in order to escape execution or life imprisonment. Love engulfs Lena, and she no longer cares what the government has to say about love. She then decides not to have the cure, even though it might mean her death. Her journey with Alex leads her to find out the truth about her mother, and her own freedom, which unfortunately does not includes Alex."

Answer 6

I changed some of the wording, you used too many verbs at some points and other parts could be worded better, which I have fixed. Hope it helps!

Answer 7

last line should be "unfortunately does not include Alex." not includes, sorry.

Answer 8

Make your first sentence your main point and the following sentences support it. Right now, it looks cluttered and disorganized.

Answer 9

@freethinker Can you explain more???

Answer 10

The succeeding sentences must be able to give the details of the main point, which is the first sentence. This is why creating an outline is very important, because it makes your paragraph more structured. Figure out if you want to do this in chronological/sequential, cause and effect, spatial or topical order. This will dictate the flow of your paragraph. You can mix match, but be certain that it creates a good flow when someone other than yourself is reading or listening to the narration. Break down your paragraph into two if need be in order to avoid confusion.

In the beginning of your second sentence, you indicated that Lena cannot wait to have the procedure. But in the middle of your paragraph, you also indicated that Lena no longer cared. These are opposing views that need to be broken down.

Answer 11

Avoid repetition by eliminating Portland, ME the second time. You've already established that the setting of the story is in Portland, ME.

Answer 12

Okay

Answer 13

Thanks for your advice