Question

I wrote a poem a little while back...What do you all think of it?

I was sitting in a corner all alone
With no one to talk to except for my cell phone
But nobody calls and nobody texts
So I wonder what I should do next
My mom is too busy my dad is at work
My brother has homework and I feel like a dork
I wish that my friends could come over
That way I could have fun before I get older
I try to watch tv I try to play games
But whenever I do it becomes a big shame
So I hope that my poem wasn't too bad
The next time I write one I hope I'll be glad.



Hope you guys liked it :)

Answer 1

The poem is cool, Kimmy, but if I may make one suggestion: I would change the line "With no one to talk to except for my cell phone" to "With no one to talk to except my phone". It would fit better with the meter of the poem. The fact that the phone is a cell is implied later in the poem with the mention of text messages, so it is not necessary to explicitly state this.

Answer 2

And welcome to OS!

Answer 3

i like it. i also agree with Incognito though

Answer 4

I like it, but I think the beginning is much stronger than the ending.