Question

I'm looking for someone that will check a story I wrote for any grammatical errors, thanks.

Answer 1

I woke a few hours later by the sound of my alarm clock, instinctively flinching as the morning sun assaulted my eyes.

An exasperated sigh slipped past my lips as I glanced out the window. I slid out of bed hesitantly, my eyes quickly adjusting to the brightness.

I shuffled into my bathroom and grabbed a towel, tossing it near the shower and lazily undressing myself.

As I stepped into the shower and allowed the cool water to cascade over me, causing my hair to stick to my forehead and the back of my neck, the slight tension was relieved in my core and I exhaled, allowing the water to warm a bit.

After stepping onto the bath mat, I glanced at myself in the mirror, moving the towel up to my head and rubbing the tendrils of wet hair framing my face.

I looked up suddenly, sensing someone else in the room. I thought I saw a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye, but passed it off as a fly.

I quickly dressed myself with jeans and a navy blue cotton t-shirt.

After I finished dressing, I slipped on some sneakers and slid my keys into my pocket, making my way out the door and to my car.



"Jess, get up, your shifts almost over."

"Huh?" I rose my head groggily, my eyes attempting to adjust to the fluorescent lights of the Seven-Eleven.

"Your shift's up in a few minutes. Hurry up and get yourself together, I don't want your driving yourself half asleep," said Abby, an old family friend.

"Oh, thanks, I guess," I stood up and ran a hand through my hair, trying to fix the disheveled mess. "Any time," she said, smiling and disheveling it again. I sighed and walked over to the employee area, grabbing my keys out of my locker. She followed me in and sat on the edge of the counter.

"Are you alright? You've been sleeping a lot on the job lately. Is there something going on with your parents? You can always stay with me, you know," she said with a frown on her face. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just having a bit of trouble sleeping," I said as I closed the door to my locker. "Trouble sleeping? Do you need to see a somnologist? I can go with you if you need, you know. I'm always here for you. Are you having nightma-"

"I'm fine, Abby. Don't worry about me, you've got enough on your plate without me bothering you about naptime issues," I said, cutting her off.

"You put too much stress on yourself. Just take a break every once in a while," I said, smiling and turning towards her. She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yeah, I.. Guess you're right. Thanks," I threw my coat over my shoulders and ruffled her reddish-brown hair, "Of course I'm right. You could use some rest too, you know. Don't stress over me any more or I may have to stop telling you about what's going on."

An upset look crossed her face and she wrapped her arms around me, "Don't even joke like that, Jessica." I stepped back and put my hand on her shoulder, "Sorry, you're right. It was mean. I'm headed out now." Her features softened a bit as she waved me goodbye.



Soon I noticed a girl on the side of the road. She seemed to be staring at me through my tinted windshield, but I knew that I was just imagining it.

I pulled over near her, rolling down the windows and shifting my car's position so my headlights were aimed at her, "Hello? Do you need a ride?" She looked up at me and smiled, walking to the window and peeking in, "Oh yes, please. You're so kind, no one has pulled over for me. Thank you,"

I rolled up the window and reached across to the passenger's side, pushing open the door, "No problem, you must be freezing. Come on in and tell me where you need to go."

She quickly slide onto the passenger seat and closed the door, wrapping her arms around herself, "I'm headed home, can you take me downtown? I'll give you directions as we go."

"Okay," I said as I took the car out of park and headed down the interstate, "So, what's your name?" She glanced at me hesitantly, weighing her options. For some reason this new found tension made me uncomfortable, so I broke the silence.

"Well, I'm Jesse." She smiled slightly, but the smile didn't meet her eyes. "Natalie," she said with a hint of annoyance flavoring her tone.

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out what she was thinking, but failing considerably. "Well, I guess it's about time for the directions, Natalie," I said, turning my head to look at her.

I stared for a second, gaping slightly, completely forgetting the stretch of road in front of me. I felt a wave of panic seeping into my chest as my breath hitched in my throat.

"N-Natalie?" I whispered uselessly at the empty seat beside me.

"Natalie, don't screw with me," I said hoarsely, attempting to hold on to the scrap of composure I had remaining, I promptly parked the car at a nearby gas station and got out, scanning the road for any trace of "Natalie".

Maybe I imagined her, I mean, it's perfectly plausible. It's happened before to people. Crazy people in specific, but people nonetheless.

I strode into the run-down gas station, my steps faltering occasionally and walked up to the attendant on duty, standing quietly for a few moments until I managed to gain his attention.

"Hey, sorry to be a bother, but you wouldn't have, by any chance, seen a girl about ye tall," I said, holding my hand up to my shoulder, palm parallel to the ground, "and brunette, would you?"

He gave me an uninterested and heavily-lidded stare before he mumbled, "No, but that type of ladies usually hangs out back." He pressed four fingers against his palm, jutting his thumb out and gesturing over his shoulder.

I didn't even try to hide the agitated and flabbergasted expression on my face as I turned around and walked back to my car. Geez, some people know no boundaries.



I stopped in front of my car, glancing in the window to see if the mystery girl happened to sneak back in, part of me hoping she had been there all along, just playing a joke on me.

Slightly relieved, yet slightly frightened, I found the car to be empty except for a single bottle in the backseat. I slid into the car and exhaled loudly, placing the key in the ignition and twisting it until the engine turned over.

I started down the interstate a third time, feeling slightly calmer than before and managing to convince myself I had been so tired I began to have a waking dream. Suddenly, a feeling of fear bled into my stomach, giving me an uneasy feeling that I was being watched.

I began breathing heavily and willed myself to check. I glanced up at the rearview mirror, and for some reason I wasn't exactly surprised by the fact that there was a brunette girl about ye tall in my backseat, rolling around a water bottle with a devious grin.

Despite the lack of surprise, I still began to panic due to the mysterious girl breaking into my car. Her grin widened when the car began going downhill on the road, and she let go of the bottle directly behind me, allowing it to roll under my seat.

Mildly concerned and extremely confused, I continued to stare at her in the mirror until headlights filled the car and a car horn blared in my ears, quickly drawing my attention back to the road.

I slammed on the brakes, which turned out to be ineffective. The pedal didn't budge, it must be stuck.

I heard a giggle resonate from the backseat. "Car troubles, Jessica?" Said the girl in a patronizing tone, disappearing a millisecond before the impact.



Awoken by the frantic chatter of the paramedics, I wondered what was going on.

Whose vehicle am I lying down in? Why can I only see red from my left eye?

"Oh god, she woke up. Quick, I need anesthesia before she notices it," said an unfamiliar voice from beside me.

Noticed what? I felt a wingspanling sensation in my forehead, almost like a pine cone was stuck to it. The wingspanling was soon replaced by a rhythmic throb, somewhat resembling a migrane.

A massive pain seemed to bleed through my skull, seeping through my pores and dominating my nerves. I screamed, the only thing I could think to do. Why are they hurting my head? What did I do to deserve this?

"Stop, please!" I screamed, thrashing wildly in an attempt to prevent them from doing any further damage to my already throbbing temple. Surprisingly, my arms were met by air. No resistance whatsoever, yet the pain continued to spread down my spinal cord, causing my arms to weaken and my vision to blur.

"Stop it, your going to kill me," I mumbled weakly, the dull interior of the van closing in on me.

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the hollow, emotionless face of Natalie in the window.

Answer 2

http://prntscr.com/3yhl0t

Answer 3

Thnxs.

Answer 4

http://prntscr.com/3yhmqx You write very well, me thinks.

Answer 5

I woke a few hours later by the sound of my alarm clock, instinctively flinching as the morning sun assaulted my eyes.

An exasperated sigh slipped past my lips as I glanced out the window. I slid out of bed hesitantly, my eyes quickly adjusting to the brightness.

I shuffled into my bathroom and grabbed a towel, tossing it near the shower and lazily undressing myself.

As I stepped into the shower and allowed the cool water to cascade over me, causing my hair to stick to my forehead and the back of my neck, the slight tension was relieved in my core and I exhaled, allowing the water to warm a bit.

After stepping onto the bath mat, I glanced at myself in the mirror, moving the towel up to my head and rubbing the tendrils of wet hair framing my face.

Suddenly, I looked up, sensing someone else in the room. I thought I saw a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye, but passed it off as a fly.

I quickly dressed myself with jeans and a navy blue cotton t-shirt.

After I finished dressing, I slipped on some sneakers and slid my keys into my pocket, making my way out the door and to my car.



"Jess, get up, your shifts almost over."

"Huh?" I rose my head groggily, my eyes attempting to adjust to the fluorescent lights of the Seven-Eleven.

"Your shift's up in a few minutes. Hurry up and get yourself together, I don't want your driving yourself half asleep," said Abby, an old family friend.

"Oh, thanks, I guess," I stood up and ran a hand through my hair, trying to fix the disheveled mess.

"Any time," she said, smiling and disheveling it again. I sighed and walked over to the employee area, grabbing my keys out of my locker. She followed me in and sat on the edge of the counter.

"Are you alright? You've been sleeping a lot on the job lately. Is there something going on with your parents? You can always stay with me, you know," she said with a frown on her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just having a bit of trouble sleeping," I said as I closed the door to my locker.

"Trouble sleeping? Do you need to see a somnologist? I can go with you if you need, you know. I'm always here for you. Are you having nightma-"

"I'm fine, Abby. Don't worry about me, you've got enough on your plate without me bothering you about naptime issues," I said, cutting her off.

"You put too much stress on yourself. Just take a break every once in a while," I said, smiling and turning towards her. She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yeah, I.. Guess you're right. Thanks," I threw my coat over my shoulders and ruffled her reddish-brown hair, "Of course I'm right. You could use some rest too, you know. Don't stress over me any more or I may have to stop telling you about what's going on."

An upset look crossed her face and she wrapped her arms around me, "Don't even joke like that, Jessica." I stepped back and put my hand on her shoulder, "Sorry, you're right. It was mean. I'm heading out now." Her features softened a bit as she waved me goodbye.



Soon I noticed a girl on the side of the road. She seemed to be staring at me through my tinted windshield, but I knew that I was just imagining it.

I pulled over near her, rolling down the windows and shifting my car's position so my headlights were aimed at her, "Hello? Do you need a ride?" She looked up at me and smiled, walking to the window and peeking in, "Oh yes, please. You're so kind, no one has pulled over for me. Thank you,"

I rolled up the window and reached across to the passenger's side, pushing open the door, "No problem, you must be freezing. Come on in and tell me where you need to go."

She quickly slide onto the passenger seat and closed the door, wrapping her arms around herself, "I'm headed home, can you take me downtown? I'll give you directions as we go."

"Okay," I said as I took the car out of park and headed down the interstate, "So, what's your name?" She glanced at me hesitantly, weighing her options. For some reason this new found tension made me uncomfortable, so I broke the silence.

"Well, I'm Jesse." She smiled slightly, but the smile didn't meet her eyes. "Natalie," she said with a hint of annoyance flavoring her tone.

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out what she was thinking, but failing considerably. "Well, I guess it's about time for the directions, Natalie," I said, turning my head to look at her.

I stared for a second, gaping slightly, completely forgetting the stretch of road in front of me. I felt a wave of panic seeping into my chest as my breath hitched in my throat.

"N-Natalie?" I whispered uselessly at the empty seat beside me.

"Natalie, don't screw with me," I said hoarsely, attempting to hold on to the scrap of composure I had remaining, I promptly parked the car at a nearby gas station and got out, scanning the road for any trace of "Natalie".

Maybe I imagined her, I mean, it's perfectly plausible. It's happened before to people. Crazy people in specific, but people nonetheless.

I stride into the run-down gas station, my steps faltering occasionally and walked up to the attendant on duty, standing quietly for a few moments until I managed to gain his attention.

"Hey, sorry to be a bother, but you wouldn't have, by any chance, seen a girl about ye tall," I said, holding my hand up to my shoulder, palm parallel to the ground, "and brunette, would you?"

He gave me an uninterested and heavily-lidded stare before he mumbled, "No, but that type of ladies usually hangs out back." He pressed four fingers against his palm, jutting his thumb out and gesturing over his shoulder.

I didn't even try to hide the agitated and flabbergasted expression on my face as I turned around and walked back to my car. Geez, some people know no boundaries.



I stopped in front of my car, glancing in the window to see if the mystery girl happened to sneak back in, part of me hoping she had been there all along, just playing a joke on me.

Slightly relieved, yet slightly frightened, I found the car to be empty except for a single bottle in the backseat. I slid into the car and exhaled loudly, placing the key in the ignition and twisting it until the engine turned over.

I started down the interstate a third time, feeling slightly calmer than before and managing to convince myself I had been so tired I began to have a waking dream. Suddenly, a feeling of fear bled into my stomach, giving me an uneasy feeling that I was being watched.

I began breathing heavily and willed myself to check. I glanced up at the rearview mirror, and for some reason I wasn't exactly surprised by the fact that there was a brunette girl about ye tall in my backseat, rolling around a water bottle with a devious grin.

Despite the lack of surprise, I still began to panic due to the mysterious girl breaking into my car. Her grin widened when the car began going downhill on the road, and she let go of the bottle directly behind me, allowing it to roll under my seat.

Mildly concerned and extremely confused, I continued to stare at her in the mirror until headlights filled the car and a car horn blared in my ears, quickly drawing my attention back to the road.

I slammed on the brakes, which turned out to be ineffective. The pedal didn't budge, it must be stuck.

I heard a giggle resonate from the backseat. "Car troubles, Jessica?" Said the girl in a patronizing tone, disappearing a millisecond before the impact.



Awoken by the frantic chatter of the paramedics, I wondered what was going on.

Whose vehicle am I lying down in? Why can I only see red from my left eye?

"Oh god, she woke up. Quick, I need anesthesia before she notices it," said an unfamiliar voice from beside me.

Noticed what? I felt a wingspanling sensation in my forehead, almost like a pine cone was stuck to it. The sensation was soon replaced by a rhythmic throb, somewhat resembling a migraine.

A massive pain seemed to bleed through my skull, seeping through my pores and dominating my nerves. I screamed, the only thing I could think to do. Why are they hurting my head? What did I do to deserve this?

"Stop, please!" I screamed, thrashing wildly in an attempt to prevent them from doing any further damage to my already throbbing temple. Surprisingly, my arms were met by air. No resistance whatsoever, yet the pain continued to spread down my spinal cord, causing my arms to weaken and my vision to blur.

"Stop it, your going to kill me," I mumbled weakly, the dull interior of the van closing in on me.

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was the hollow, emotionless face of Natalie in the window.



I just saw a few spelling mistakes, grammar, and word placements, and also when someone else starts to speak you write a whole new paragraph ;) ^ Up above is a revised version. I don't mind if anyone mentions something I missed, because I probably did. lol.

Answer 6

And I got to say that the story you wrote was pretty entertaining and very descriptive :D I really enjoyed it.

Answer 7

Thank you haha. I just realized that I used the wrong form of "you're". "'Stop it, your going to kill me,' I mumbled weakly..."

Answer 8

Oooh yeah that :D I wasn't paying any attention to any "your" and "youre"'s

Answer 9

you're*

Answer 10

Haha, still, thank you both @iPwnBunnies @sammixboo

Answer 11

No problamo ;D