Question

Not a very good story.

Answer 1

This will take awhile....

Answer 2

Take your time.

Answer 3

make sure to tag me! I'll want to add this up on my blog, too.

Answer 4

So much....

Answer 5

Is this it? Tag me when you are done, please!

Answer 6

The storm lingers in the sky. Darkening the illuminating sky. I watched outside my window, counting each thunder strike.
Thirty-four....
Thirty-five.....
Thirty-six.
They kept coming faster. My heart jumped each time they struck. What was going on up there? Demons and Angels, fighting over a troubled soul? My grandfather told me a story once about the storms. The clouds hid the battle, and Demons and Angels fought. I squinted to see inside the clouds.
Nothing.
What was I looking for?
"Momma?" I called, I felt the urge to ask for protection.
"Yes, my dear?" she asked. I hugged her, crying because I was scared at the thought of Demons and Angels coming over our house soon.
"It's okay baby, it's okay." she said. Her voice was so calm, how could she be calm in something like this? I didn't understand, she sent me to my room to sleep.

I awake. I look at my clock. 4 hours have passed, and the storm was hitting us hard. It was very dark outside. Thunder struck rapidly. I moved away from my window. Lightening struck around our house. I ran down stairs.
"MOMMA!" I yelled. I was terrified. She came to me, she was worried. I clung to her, scared to let her go. She stroked my neck to calm me down. All of a sudden, the thunder, the rain, the lightening. It stopped. All you could hear was the wind pounding on the house, whistling in the air. It was silence in the house.

There was a knock at the door. Momma opened the door. I looked outside, there was no neighbors for miles, and no cars outside. Momma opened the door. It was a man. He had a hood on, you couldn't see his face.
"How may I help you?" my mother asked. He just walked inside. Momma pushed against him, but he didn't move.
"They are coming soon. I must protect the boy." he said. His voice was deep.
"Oh no, we are not doing this. I insist you leave. I do not know who you are but just please get out of my house!" her voice raised. The man pulled off his hoodie. Blood covered his white shirt. He was wounded. My mother stares at his wound.
"We need to get you cleaned up. You're injured." Momma goes to grab the medical supplies. Momma took medical classes when she was young. The man walks over to me.
"Hey, you're Jacob, right?" he smiled. I nod.
"You're an Angel aren't you?" I asked. He laughed.
"Well, I guess you can say that, God gave us a purpose for everything. He sent me here for some reason. I don't know what." he said.
"What's your name?" I asked. He just smiled and walked off to my mom calling after him.

She set him up on the table and he lifted part of his shirt to show the wound.
"I'm going to need your whole shirt off." Momma said. He shook his head. Momma gave him a look, but she still did the procedure. She noticed interesting markings on his neck as she was wrapping up.
"What are those markings on your neck?* Momma asked.
"Scars." he replied.
"Were you in war?" Momma asked again. He hesitated.
"Yes, I was. And yes, I know your husband. I fought next to him." he replied. She was about to ask, but he pointed to the family sign that Dad had made.
"He said this before we arrived to the fort, I remembered it." he said.
"What is your name?" Momma asked.
"Gabriel." he replied. He got up.
"I need to watch the perimeter. There is something dangerous coming. They are coming for your boy. So, I need all windows shut and closed, and I need all doors locked." he said.
"Wait, what is going on?" Momma asked. He pulled away from her and walked outside. He stood in the field, waiting. He didn't move a muscle.

He came back inside hours later. It was night time. Momma did not dare question Gabriel. She was intimidated and scared. She didn't know what to do. We all sat down to eat and she reached out her hand to his and grabbed mine. Gabriel looked at her.
"We're going to pray." Momma said. He bowed his head and sang something in a weird language. When he finished he started eating his food.

A noise came from outside. Momma got up to go see what it was. Gabriel sniffed the air like a dog and got up quickly and stopped her.
"Take your son and go down to the basement, now." Gabriel said. He went to the fireplace and grabbed something out from the chimney. He held the sword with such power. It seemed to glow a little bit.
"Go! Now!" Gabriel said. Momma took m downstairs to the basement. She clicked on the light and locked the door.

Gabriel stood in the living room. He could here the grunts and chants of souls. He shook his head.
"Legion." He said.

The house shook, and the door burned away and a flood of creatures came towards Gabriel. He swung left and right, clawing at the creatures with his sword. He dodged swords and axes coming towards him. He fought valiantly, and precisely. Gabriel saw every attack before it happened. He got pushed back, swinging away creatures as he went. A sword came from the left and cut his leg, an axe came from the right and sliced his side. He fell to his knees. The flood stopped, and a creature stepped forward.

"You cannot have this boy." Gabriel said.
"You lost, you lost to us. We destroyed you. Now, the boy's soul is ours." the creature said.
"Come on Moloch, if you really did win, I wouldn't be here. You haven't won, and you won't win." Grabriel says. Gabriel takes his own sword and slams it into the ground. Light erupts from the ground and Gabriel prays in Hebrew. The creatures start to flee. A Spirit attacked the creatures. These creatures fled the house and disappeared.
"Thank You, Father." Gabriel said. He went to the basement and knocked on the door. Gabriel left before they could come back upstairs. His job was done.

Momma opened the door.
"Gabriel?" Momma asked. She checked the house, searching for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. I grew to love the storms, as I got older. I finally realized that I was always protected, and Gabriel was there protecting me, every step of the way. Grandfather was right. And I should have listened.

Answer 7

@spray_N_Pray @redeemed1312 @Hotchellerae21 @alyssa_michelle1996 @AuroraB @fateal @Walkerman15

Answer 8

@k_lynn

Answer 9

Im here

Answer 10

Sup.

Answer 11

It's a terrible story but read it.

Answer 12

i cant read it atm >.< but i bet that it rocks <3

Answer 13

You did a great job in this intro. I got hooked right away by what the child's grandfather said, and you did an excellent job putting the reader into the child's situation and seeing it from his point of view.

Answer 14

Oh my goodness. This is really good. Keep up the good work :)

Answer 15

Wow that story was amazing

Answer 16

@strawberryswing

Answer 17

Have more confidence in your writing. Everyone has to start somewhere.
Now it's time for a revision.
Second paragraph from the bottom should be more cryptic when Gabriel says ""Come on Moloch." If Gabriel is the angel I'm thinking of, it should be something more along the lines of "Reconsider your plight, Moloch." Otherwise, he sounds like the real deal everywhere else.

The mother's reaction to seeing Gabe's wound and transitioning to the need of medical assistance is to blatant. You should give her a more exasperated, surprised reaction upon seeing his wounds, even if it's just a facial expression.

This story is enticing and exciting, well-written, and had great themes. You ought to be more confident, man.

Answer 18

An hour of trying to write it, I got lazy.

Answer 19

lol

Answer 20

An hour wow lol

Answer 21

I just wanted to finish it. I had problems with the medical part, but with the confrontation between Gabriel and Moloch, I was just... like... finish it!!!

Answer 22

Unlike Half-Life 3, it was worth the wait!

Answer 23

Hahahahahhahaha, I know that... that was funny.

Answer 24

I think I should close it now.

Answer 25

If you want, but you never know when someone else might read it.

Answer 26

I don't know man...

Answer 27

Alright, close it.

Answer 28

@Destinymasha @Destinycholie @DangerousJesse @girlover @ilovehim121511 @HisOnlyForever Last few tags.

Answer 29

If you want to tag someone, go ahead...

Answer 30

Tried tagging @Abmon98 but he's not online anymore, so I guess you're right.

Answer 31

I loved it :) I especially liked the way the characters spoke, it seemed like they had enough respect for each other to actually speak (if that makes any sense).
Cool beans.

Answer 32

Heyyyyy, not bad Jumperman! Not bad at all! :P
Great Job, actually (:
And be more confident about your work >.< You do better than you actually think you do ^.^
You're a promising author! Keep up the good work :3

Answer 33

I agree with destiny don't underestimate urself! Nice work

Answer 34

This is really amazing i love it all of your work is really Nice!

Answer 35

Oh..........

Answer 36

@AngelWilliams16

Answer 37

@Kittymeowb @Donblue22 @MilenaSaeger

Answer 38

Ill read this when I get a chance

Answer 39

Okay.

Answer 40

.........

Answer 41

@scarymary101