Question

PLEASE HELP I WILL GIVE FAN AND MEDAL

In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.

Answer 1

Here is the paragraph:

Playing in the snow is one of my happiest childhood memories. The winter offers more than a time for kids to have fun. There are many things to do in the snow. It is unfortunate that so many people find the wintertime annoying. More people should step outside to enjoy the snow. I am glad I grew up where it snows.

Answer 2

@ManImStumped

Answer 3

@Ashleyisakitty

Answer 4

@itsbribro

Answer 5

If this were a personal essay, it would be okay to be so bias. But here's some critique: The writer has made each sentence a simple sentence, causing

Answer 6

the paragraph to become simple and redundant in reading; to better this, the writer could have joined two or more of the sentences to create compound

Answer 7

Can you re-write the paragraph like it says please?

Answer 8

or complex sentences. There are no facts/statistics to enforce the writer's opinion, and, so, the writer should look for ways to add logos or ethos instead of only focusing on pathos.

Answer 9

Yes, just a moment.

Answer 10

Okay.

Answer 11

You still there?