Question

Is anyone available to help with my scholarship essay? It is attached on the post.

Answer 1

@Auxuris @ashhhrodriguez @alltimebeauty @alesia/bailey @CO_oLBoY @DoShKa_SyRiA @eliassaab @ganeshie8 @HelpBlahBlahBlah @JackleBee

Answer 2

@Auxuris @linn99123 @lucian_denvers41325

Answer 3

The purpose is to write why I deserve to be a scholar for this certain foundation. Any tips, edits, etc. will be helpful.

Answer 4

@kkannm @Preetha @ganeshie8 @gerryliyana @rose_101

Answer 5

okay, you need to sound charismatic and a flamboyant type of guy. I would remove, although "Im not fit," because you just stated that you job and do a ton of fit-ness stuff. Your goal is to make yourself ultimately fantastic. You need to hit what the foundation is looking for. You seem to get into that, but get more facts in as to WHY, and less personal anecdotes and general all hears like: "I have a great personality" because I'm sure you do, but you got to support it! ;p But it's really good, so your fine :)

Answer 6

im not as experienced in this but i would say you should add a little about yourself...you said you work really hard and all but you need to add things like um....what you have really done to get to the point of deserving this scholarship...above all i give you credit cause that was really good.... and um....yeah thats all i have to say....good luck !!!