In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.
Learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. The beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. There are many things to do at the beach. It is unfortunate that so many people spend every day indoors. More people should take time to visit their local beaches. I am glad I learne

Question

In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.
Learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. The beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. There are many things to do at the beach. It is unfortunate that so many people spend every day indoors. More people should take time to visit their local beaches. I am glad I learne

anonymous · Answer

Critique: This paragraph needs to be more connected. The sentences are all on topic, but very seperate.

anonymous · Answer

Thank you so much!

anonymous · Answer

Of course :)

anonymous · Answer

Topic Sentence: Learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories.
 
Body:I prefer swimming at the beach because it offers more things to do, and it gives you a chance to develop stronger swimming skills. I find it unfortunate that many people choose to spend their days indoors, instead of doing things like spending time at the beach. 

Clincher: I am very glad I learned to swim.

anonymous · Answer

Gosh you sure are a life saver!! (:

anonymous · Answer

Anytime :)