How can I make my thesis statement better? Right now it is "During the Industrial Revolution, the life expectancy was so low because of poor working conditions, living conditions, and family life. Only after these issues were addressed did society begin to change in a positive way." Any tips on how to improve it?

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anonymous · Answer

Take out the 'so' and our teacher does not like the word 'during' to start a sentence, but that might just be my class. I'm not sure if that helped, but I tried.

anonymous · Answer

@adamcraig is offline