Question

4 any1 who needs a break...

Time for a short story! :)
This is a not-so-good story because of grammar mistakes (I haven't corrected it yet).
Note: It is my first time writing a full COMPLETE story and this was one of my assignments in school long time ago, so before I delete the file from my computer, it's better to post it here. Have fun !

STORY: http://goo.gl/UgPkKc

Feel free to put your feedbacks below... Thanks to the people who gave comments so far:
eclipse (thank you for your very informative and useful comment :) ),
sammi (thank you :D I already deleted it, but I'll keep it here posted ),
makayla (thank you, same for your poems too!) ,
chibi ( thanks for clarifying the ending lol )
inowalst (thanks! nice pic!),
sasuke (thanks for the honest comment! I actually kinda procrastinate the end part so it's kinda messed up, i'll try to fix it if i have time ) (:

Answer 1

I thought that story was so deep and moving...I felt the little girl's raw emotions and I liked how you added how she saw her environment from a poverty-strikens' point of view...I really liked it, but I'm sorry, I didn't quite get the ending of the story. Did the bakery man adopt the girl after she apologized? Overall, I think that the story was very touching, and good job! I think that writing stories is your strong suit! :D

Answer 2

Amazing! The description was wonderful, and well, descriptive! Don't delete~~

Answer 3

i loved it nice use of words

Answer 4

Yes, I think so.
I think the bakery man adopted her.

"She looked around and found the bakery man, not with an angry look or a rolling pin, but with an umbrella and an angel face smiling at her."

then after that Mary called him "dad"

Very nice theme.

Answer 5

I agree! It was very inspiring. :)

Answer 6

Wow. It's amazing! @Data_LG2

Answer 7

HEYOOOO AWESOME AWESOME STORY!!!! its sad, but its really sweet! The end is a BIT confusing, and I don't really get about the last 4 paragraphs. but otherwise... it is BEAUTIFULLL!!!!!! u should write more stories XD