Question

Darkness

my world is dark
my heart is black
broken from love
i couldn't move anymore
my world is coming down
im tired
im letting the darkness in
i can't hold it back anymore
i am letting it out
letting it go
my heart is gone im no longer living
you destroyed my heart
you lite it up
i died on the inside
you lite me up and i was scared on the inside
i was scared of you
i wasn't sure how to handle you
my body is cold
one last tear ran from my eyes
as i left go of life
i died in your arms
you screamed god take her to a happy place

Answer 1

@sleepyjess @Destinycholie @Destinymasha @YouSir @aayushi.somani @Sheraz12345 @CallMeKiki @Crissy15 @Loveless13 @AnswerMyQuestions @WWWHHHAAATTT? @wizfan @arris04 @One098 @Clalgee @Conqueror @SyedMohammed98 @jagr2713 @JacqC @j57 @Demonx341 @demonchild99

Answer 2

Oh wow, I liked it! How did you come up with this one?

Answer 3

i was just talking to my ex bf and it made me want to write so i did and there was the out come

Answer 4

Oh wow, it was great.

Answer 5

thank you u want to read the next one

Answer 6

Of course!

Answer 7

that was awsome

Answer 8

dang...i need to start puttin my poems up here...lol..that was awesome

Answer 9

right

Answer 10

I drifted off to sleep
praying you will watch over me
i was crying
i screamed
i fell in love with him all over again
but this time i fell for u more than i did before
i tried to fight it but i ended up breaking down
i yell your name
hoping you would save me
but my fears were confirmed
you are gone
i tried to cry
by my tears were dry
i called you
but i got no answer
so i called your mom and she said you were gone forever
i started crying and i dropped the phone
my mom came's running in
finds me lying on the floor not breathing
she calls 911
when they got their i didn't have a pulse
they try to bring me back but it was to late
i was gone
i left go because he left before he was ready so i left before i was ready

Answer 11

r u going through something horrible?...cuz this is some deep stuff

Answer 12

or your like me and just do it cuz it sounds cool

Answer 13

yes i am depressed and its getting bad every single day i am at risk for 7 out of 10 signs of depression

Answer 14

dang....~hugs you~...i hope that changes

Answer 15

Wow Mak, that's really good, in a way, that's very heartbreaking. You honestly have a gift of writing.. because even though I try, its not nearly as good as yours.

Answer 16

thank you u can do anything that you set your heart to do

Answer 17

my mom says i write way to much and i need to get out of the house more

Answer 18

lol..mine made me stop writing poems so i moved to books

Answer 19

i working on my first book

Answer 20

Well, your writing is an inspiration.

Answer 21

This is awesome! Both of them, actually.

Answer 22

thank u i try my best

Answer 23

here is a short poem

Answer 24

my heart hurts
my mind sees into the future
my eyes cry for you
my world comes to end
before its time
i have already left

Answer 25

zayum....that was short and beautiful

Answer 26

thanks

Answer 27

@horsegirl27

Answer 28

OMG amazing!!!! Both are great

Answer 29

thanks i am writing a book called the enchanted guillotine

Answer 30

Oh cool!

Answer 31

up or down
falling down is part of life
coming down is also a part of life
but when you are not able ot get back up on your feet it gets hard
your not able to tell someone they mean the world to u and then they say we are just friends and that is all we will ever be that is what kills me
no matter how much i try not to get hurt again
i will always be hurt and hated
but life has its ups and downs and im just a path people use and cross over
my life is ups and downs

Answer 32

@ispike @EmogirlAtEmoooocow @XxLucidDreamerxX @zkmath

Answer 33

@marieislearning @arris04 @jordanloveangel @someoneamaznig204 @gigi1103 @GreenCat @i..am..legend
@Raven011 @rebecca99 @rebeka @redeemed1312 @Race100 @RainbowCupcake7997 @thesweetheart3 @misty1212 @MilenaSaeger @Morgan0608 @monyvia23 @PyroYolka @quickstudent @ROSEQUEEN2014 @Nnesha @shifuyanli @shelby1290 @ShayleeCutie @eliasperez191 @Loveless13 @YouSir @mg_omg @tomorrow @AaronAndyson @jakematt24 @billj5 @Catlover5925 @Cicilybailey14 @uChezzy @DarkMoonZ @linda360 @pielover123 @pinkroses130 @Data_LG2 @crazychickengirl123 @CallMeKiki @tomorrow @swagswagswagswagswag1 @kittycat123

Answer 34

WOW THEY R AMAZING HOW DID U COME UP WITH THOES TBH I CANT EVEN DO THAT wow they r amazing great work

Answer 35

Sorry if i sound kind of harsh this is my personal opinion and critics but like i said before poetry is about u as the writer so if u think its perfect than its perfect.

okay so for the first poem (havent read the others yet) i have to say that personally it wasnt my favorite. i just didnt really feel like i was pulled in. I felt like the only words that u used to bring the reader in was "dark, black, and love" and u can look around and see that theres millions of poems that do the same thing. i want to hear some new words or even use positive words as a negative or even a negative word as a positive. what i mean by this is that many times we use words in a specific way but the word could be used as both negatively or positively but we dont normally see it like that. Put in some words that make me feel the pain. Its one thing to read a story and its another to be part of a story, i want to hear things that test my emotions. i thought u did better in some areas like i felt with this poem u were trying to put in more than one meaning i could only think of two but as a reader thats all i need. i think u do have a gifted for poetry but it needs some tweaking. U are amazing and please keep it up!

Answer 36

thank you i guess i can just start thinking about writing and i just do it it comes right to me i write all the time so its normal for me

Answer 37

thats kind of how i am too but when u post things on a place like this i assume that the person posting doesnt want just compliments they want to become better too. I know thats how i am so i try do the same for others

Answer 38

wow thats great and i can do stuff like that but 2 lazy and they r love stuff

Answer 39

it's awesome

Answer 40

Makayla god... you are so talented I love it you are amazing

Answer 41

okay second poem!!!!!! The second poem i thought was amazing. I had a couple ideas but honestly if u dont like them thats okay because these r just ideas not necessarily critics. Okay so one thing is i would change the word cry because u dont need to say it u said tears. and i feel like without cries u get a greater effect. Sometime implying it gets u farther then saying it directly espeically in poetry. Okay so the second thing and this part i didnt like too much was the end. i just felt like some of the words were just being shoved into the story. So honestly i would take out the last three words and end with before...

i think that will have a greater effect on your audience.

overall it was amazing and i loved reading it! Good job keep writing

Answer 42

third poem i have no critics for

Answer 43

i like getting feed back on my writings and i didn't mind u saying what you were thinking its okay i'm trying to make my writings better and better so any comments i get back will let me know what i need to fix and what is great they way it is

Answer 44

i felt like with the last poem u were just trying to shove words out. Im the same way as u where i can write a poem in under a min without even thinking about it. But i also know if i want to write something and its not just coming without thought i just force random words on a page. I feel like this poem was too forced it wasnt natural. i felt each line was good but the way were put together just felt kind of sloppy. U obviously have talent just needs fine tuned,.

I hope this helps out!!!!

Answer 45

yes it does thank u

Answer 46

anytime

Answer 47

well here is the real one i write first

Answer 48

up and down
falling down to hell
rising up to heaven
who choose where i go?
and how i go
no one will choose my path of life
bc of ups and downs

Answer 49

cool

Answer 50

too much to read as always her poems are amazing! Great job, I never go back to speaking to an X, he's an ex for something

Answer 51

Wow! This truly was an amazing poem! Although, it started off sad and ended sad :( Though, you could feel the emotion. I really enjoyed reading this wonderful poem such as all of you other ones as well.

Answer 52

thank you to everyone that has made me want to keep writing but i think its time to write happy poems and not so dark ones
dark poems are my passion that is why i write so many of them

Answer 53

your orginal one i like until the last sentence. Youve already mentioned ups and downs in that exact way so how bout mentioning the same thing but in a new way? idk just a thought

Answer 54

thank you for telling what you think about my writing i will change the last line and make it better

Answer 55

no problem im glad u find them helpful

Answer 56

@quickstudent

Answer 57

Really amazing poem! Keep up the amazing work. @MakaylaTracy