Question

is my story ok? please help me revise and tell me if its past/ present / or future! IDK!!!

Answer 1

On a peaceful spring day, the wind blew cheerfully around us, and the grass rippled like waves crashing into their first glance of brown sand. I wandered around my flower garden and stared in awe at the luxurious sights that was beholded. “Oh how I wish I was a human!” I cried in my mind! My name is Rumplutusky, a Persian cat that came from I-don’t-know-where. My fur is white with streaks of pale gray, and for some strange reason, I live in a jeweled palace with royal servants doing everything I wished for. My owner, which is most likely the queen, treasures me with an immense amount of love and gentleness. The king died of a terrible disease that spread around the outside world, and left the saddened queen in an eternal sleep. He was buried with most of his beloved riches and his favorite gold scepter. I saw him getting buried, and his glossy coffin slowly getting covered in fresh soil. Everyday, I would think of a memory about him, while her royal highness pets me lovingly, tenderly. With her highness, I felt joyful and loved all the time.
One day, I was filled with curiosity, and decided to venture outside of the enormous palace walls. When the queen was fast asleep, I stealthily crept out our gigantic jewel-encrusted door. I had never been outside before, and it was my first time. When I took my first step outside the door, a cold wind greeted me with a thick feeling of drowsiness. I literally dropped onto the marble floor with a huge longing to head back to my plush bed filled with feathers. Gradually, I got used to it, and my hind feet stopped staggering. I was up to my stomach in sleepiness, and realized that there were glowing flowers in the night. The flowers were way ahead, buried in the trees, but still visible with their beautiful glow. My eyes lit up with amazement as I ran towards them with full speed, clawing up one of the trees. Resting on a branch, I stared at the phosphorus like flower. I was mesmerized, and my eyes glowed with happiness.
Suddenly, I spotted a trail of sparkles that led to every flower on the trees. My cat instincts told me to pounce and follow the glittering trail. “Should I…?” I wondered “YES!!” my inner self said. Without hesitation, I joyfully trotted next to the trail of sparkles, and they led miraculously into the forest. In the next few minutes, I realized I was completely lost. My fur rose up, and my tail swished fearfully. A man came out of the darkness and he smiled at me evilly. I was frozen in fear, and didn’t move an inch. A net was thrown over me, and I was bundled up in a rough piece of cloth. Unexpectedly, he told me what I feared the most. I was hunted from every single person on Earth. “What?? This is unbelievable. NOOOO…. why? Why do I have to be the one hunted??” I wailed in my mind.
All at once, the terrible truth sprouted in my head. “ Am I ….. magi-” “Boo Hoo Hoo little darling, you are now mine. I shall have whatever wish I need now!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!” boomed the cruel man. He erupted into a large series of laughs, and I curled up in rage. Unsheathing my claws, I tore through the net and lunged at the man. Surprised at my attack, he had a bewildered look on his face. I raked my sharp claws across his face, and left him blinded with blood and fury. “Serves him right!!” I sobbed. Dashing into the cover of a hollow log, I crumpled onto the smooth wood. Light seeped out of my vision, and darkness enclosed around me. The next thing I knew was that I was fast asleep, safe and sound with no further bother. Nothing had mattered then… nothing at all.

Answer 2

don't mind the question marks

Answer 3

i actually think its present..but im n ot sure..

Answer 4

Present.

Answer 5

You mean tense or setting?

Answer 6

The setting.

Answer 7

I don't know if my message went through.

Answer 8

But if it did, the setting.

Answer 9

didn't*

Answer 10

Okie doke. :)

Answer 11

umm @No_One u've been answering for a long time......

Answer 12

@Saisuke<3 Wonderful story in past tense.

Answer 13

@Saisuke<3 Most of it is in past tense and the words not in past tense need to be changed.

Answer 14

But it seems like it's in the present.

Answer 15

his is slightly unrelated, but a bit helpful nonetheless. I think you should try spacing things out between dialogue. Also, if you're going to do the main character's mental thoughts, try doing it in italics instead of within quotation marks. Of course, make sure things level out and make sense in the end.

It's past tense. For example: '"Serves him right!!" I sobbed.' In that sentence, it is clear that this is past tense. If it were present, it would've been: "Serves him right!!" I sob.
Sorry about that, I was trying to switch between chat while answering. =^w^=

Answer 16

@FuyukoHarayo seems like it, b/c its tense is confused.

Answer 17

Oh.

Answer 18

FIRST PARAGRAPH

On a peaceful spring day, the wind blew cheerfully around us, and the grass rippled like waves crashing into their first glance of brown sand. (this simile is confuses me)

I wandered around my flower garden and stared in awe at the luxurious sights that we BEHELD.("beheld" is the past tense of 'behold' or 'to look.' staring in awe already implies that the character is looking at something. This sentence is the equivalent of saying, "She looked in awe at the sights that she looked at.")

(so far, you are in the past tense)

(start a new paragraph for dialogue. This is pretty much all I know about dialogue, so I won't be able to make more comments on it.)
Oh how I wish I was a human! I cried in my mind! My name is Rumplutusky, a Persian cat that came from I-don't-know-where.


My fur is white with streaks of pale gray, and for some strange reason, I live in a jeweled palace with royal servants doing everything I wished for. My owner, which is most likely the queen, treasures me with an immense amount of love and gentleness.
(present tense)

The king died of a terrible disease that spread around the outside world, and left the saddened queen in an eternal sleep. He was buried with most of his beloved riches and his favorite gold scepter. I saw him getting buried, and his glossy coffin slowly getting covered in fresh soil. Everyday, I would think of a memory about him, while her royal highness pets me lovingly, tenderly. With her highness, I felt joyful and loved all the time. (past)


Final Notes: Most authors suggest that people show rather than tell.
For example, instead of "Christina saw that the mammoth has black and white stripes," you could say, "When Christina saw the mammoth, she was surprised at how well its coat seemed to blend with the herd of zebras."

Answer 19

kkk thx much

Answer 20

man you write longer than I do wow 0.0

Answer 21

geez my teachers will love you if you keep doing that you will get an A+ for that wow

Answer 22

look at this if you don't believe me

Answer 23

^^^