Question

Poem please read and let me know what u think!!! : )

Answer 1

We hurt each other

and now we dont speak.

And thats my fault,

I know.

But after that i couldn't...

I broke down that night.

And I was alone

because I was terrified

and scarred.

So I screamed through the walls.

Hoping you could hear

how I felt.

I fell a part and i broke.

On the same night You betrayed our best friend.

And i couldnt talk to a single soul.

Because i shared Everything with you!

And only you...

So i panicked, once again.

But this time i was almost back with you.

I couldnt control myself and i was scarred.

I took a glass and it shattered.

And you werent there!

My parents screaming at me trying to get me to calm down.

But i was terrifed of them too.

The glass was my protection.

So my mom screamed to call 911...

but right before she did i droped the glass.

And the world had one.



But i saw you the other day.

Months had past,

and i still cant.

And I'm sorry for that.

But you didnt even flinch

like i wasnt even there.

All those secrets

and now were both scarred.

I'm sorry i hurt you,

that wasnt my intent.

But i wish you the best

and there's nothing i regret.



Those memories I will keep.

Because you were there for me.

So this my goodbye.

I'm sorry again.

But I''m okay now

so I thank you once again.

Answer 2

@ilovefood @ilovewolf @redriding @horsegirl27 @demonchild99 @Makaylatracy @geneticrockhopper @inowalst @

Answer 3

@geneticrockhopper247 @redridinghood

Answer 4

@bohotness @jagatuba

Answer 5

You might want to go over and do a grammar/punctuation check, but other then that its good! ^_^

Answer 6

like what exactly because i may have done it on purpose i mean its a poem so doesnt have to be grammatically correct always. @inowalst

Answer 7

On the 9th line; is it supposed to b "scarred" or "scared" ? And adding '.....'

Answer 8

its suppose to be scarred and the ... is used a lot in poetry and i put that there to make a bigger pause

Answer 9

Sometimes you dont and sometimes you do capitalize "but"

Answer 10

As well as the word, I.

Answer 11

i will look at but and as for the word I well I do that on purpose. I put it lowcase because I want it to have the feeling like your not good enough. Im sure some people dont get that but its something I do for myself

Answer 12

Like, for example:
On the same night You betrayed our best friend.
And i couldnt talk to a single soul.
Because i shared Everything with you!

I think it would be better if it were:
On the same night, you betrayed our best friend. (Is it supposed to be, our or your?)
And I couldn't talk to a single soul.
Because I shared everything with you!

Not capitalizing words in the middle of sentences.. Unless its a name or a person or a place.

Answer 13

and I get its just your way, but I'm just telling you the proper and correct way.

Answer 14

its a poem lol poems dont have to be grammatically correct lol. They are designed for an effect and I do these things to give the effect and emotion that I want the reader to have. I'm poetic licences

Answer 15

Im using poetic licenses lol

Answer 16

http://goo.gl/PL9trH

Answer 17

look up poetic licenses lol

Answer 18

interesting story. your imagery is pretty cool...glass as protection...interesting. My only critique is this line "I fell a part and i broke." Apart is one word.

Answer 19

okay thanks @geneticrockhopper247 i will fix that thanks for bringing it to my attention

Answer 20

you're welcome

Answer 21

Okay here goes lecture #107. XD

When we write we are trying to convey a message. It doesn't matter whether it is a research report, a persuasive essay, a short story, a poem or a note to Mom. They all must have a message that is trying to be conveyed, otherwise there is no point in writing in the first place. Now depending on what you are writing the rules can vary. For example, if you are writing a school report, you better be sure your spelling and grammar are spot on. On the contrary, if you are writing a note to your mom telling her you are going to the mall, spelling and grammar can go out the window as long as your message can be understood.

Now, when we write poetry, we must understand that it is more formal than a note to mom, but again less formal than a research paper. The most important aspect of a poem is that the message is conveyed. This is not to say that there are no rules. In fact, poetry has many rules, but when it comes to grammar, you can play it loose as long as the message is not lost. Spelling, however, remains important. When you begin spelling words wrong your piece looks lazy and readers lose interest. Meaning becomes confusing and muddled. For example, you wrote:

I fell a part and i broke.

"A part" is a noun meaning a piece of something. "Apart," which is what I believe you meant, is an adverb meaning separated. "I fell a part," does not makes sense. "I fell apart," does. You can throw a part, but you cannot fell a part.

Also, always use apostrophes in contractions, not using them does not fall under poetic license because "we're" is not the same as "were" and "dont" and "wont" are not words. Even though I can understand the meaning behind, "... and now we dont speak," it appears lazy and conveys a sense that you don't care about what you are writing. I know that you do care, but how your writing appears to the reader is very important. Not using apostrophes appears lazy and that you don't care about what you are writing, so as a reader I wonder whether I should continue reading by the time I reach the third or fourth instance.

Word choice is just as important. The words you use and the context in which you use them must be clear and convey the message that you want to convey. I'll use another excerpt from your poem to illustrate what I mean.

You wrote:

And I was alone because I was terrified and scarred.

This makes sense and is easily understood. I know scarred is the right word in this case because terrified and scared mean the same thing and that would be redundant. Therefore, I know that you are alone because you are both terrified (of what, can be interpreted from the rest of the poem) AND scarred. In fact, this is one of the best lines in the poem because the use of the word 'scarred' in this place both introduces the reader to the emotional scarring created by the narrator's conflict, while also foreshadowing the physical scarring that will come from the cutting of the glass.

However, a little further on your write:

So i panicked, once again. But this time i was almost back with you. I couldnt control myself and i was scarred.

In this context, scared seemed to fit and make more sense than scarred. You were panicked, so you were scared and couldn't control yourself. To say your were scarred, in this context simply does not make sense and therefore, makes the message hard to understand.

If you are trying to be metaphorical be properly metaphorical. A metaphor must be understood to be a metaphor and not be mistaken for a typo, misspelling, or a poor choice of words. The reader has to know that you are speaking in a metaphorical sense. This is not to say that the metaphor needs to be completely clear as far as the meaning and allegory being presented. In fact, the best metaphors are the ones that can be interpreted in more than one way. I'll share one of the most powerful metaphorical poems that I know to illustrate how a metaphor should presented.

I close my eyes
And this image floats beside me.
A sweaty-toothed madman
With a stare that pounds my brain.
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the time he's mumbling.
Mumbling truth.
Truth like a blanket
That always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it,
It'll never be enough.
You kick at it, beat it,
It'll never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying
To the moment we leave dying,
It'll just cover your face
As you wail
And cry
And scream.

Now as you can see, it is very clear even from very early in the poem that the author was presenting a metaphor. There is no question of the authors purpose. We do not pause and question, "is that what the author meant to say?" We know that every word in the poem was deliberate and not a typo.

I hope my feedback was helpful and I really like your poem.

Answer 22

@jagatuba thank u for helping. I know my grammar isn't perfect and I'm okay with that. That's why I post it on here but I also know that grammar can b sometimes manipulated to get a point when writing poetry like when I low case the i. And if I didn't do it on purpose I'm more than happy to fix it. The lack of apostrophes was because I'm use to writing in word and it doing that for me but the program in which I wrote didn't do that so I forgot. It happens and it's an easy fix so thank u for pointing that out. My frustration earlier was that poetic licenses is a thing and I was using it. If I thought my poem was perfect I wouldn't post it on here. Things like grammar is very hard for me. I have about five disabilities. And it makes things like grammar difficult which is the exact reason why I put it on here. And for poetry if I did it on purpose then I will explain and it's justified because poetry is about me and releasing not the audience but if I touch someone while helping myself than that makes it all the better. However if someone points out a grammar error and I didn't do it on purpose I thank them because I appreciate it. But like I said before poetry is about the writer so I don't any person has the right to say that the poet is wrong. It's always just suggestions. That's my opinion

Answer 23

I like your poem it's well written!

Answer 24

@horsegiril27