Question

"SECONDS TO LIVE"

Answer 1

You hold me close
You cant let go
With seconds to live
My mind screaming no

Your eyes meet mine
Our gaze could melt hearts
With seconds to live
Its all gone too fast

With one final breath
Your hand slips in mine
With seconds to live
You whisper all is fine

Our souls they merge
One final time
With seconds to live
I know you are mine

Now its all finished
And we lie in silence
Our seconds are over
Lost our last chance

As I stand at this stone
Looking through tears
With seconds to live
I give thanks to the years

Answer 2

@paki I think you meant to message me this. Not make a post for me ;)

Answer 3

jk Haha

Answer 4

lol.... this for you @TheSmartOne :)

Answer 5

xD

Answer 6

okay so i really liked it youre a great writer but i have a few critics. So the first thing is that the rhyme scheme is kinda everywhere. Like there would be a consistent rhythm to it but then it would go away and later come back. Another thing is that theres no punctuation. I would add more to the beginning because its like youre happy but towards the end i would have less punctuation because its like time is running out. Also the last line i would take out the word the. It will sound a lot smother.

Anyways poetry is more about the author than anyone else so if u think its perfect well then its perfect. These are just suggestions. I really did like it youre an awesome writer so keep it up

Answer 7

@paki

Answer 8

@ispike thank you...