Question

Hey I wrote a poem then added to it please critique it and tell me what you think!

Answer 1

Before:
We were happy
And there was much to do.
Life was good.
I felt carefree
I felt good.

But then you left me.
The walls of my world fell down.
I was helpless
Out of control.
I didn't know what to do.

I felt lost.
Like I was wandering with nowhere to go.
You were right there.
But just out of my reach.

I had to take control.
I couldn't let myself collapse.
But how could just a girl
take over
when her world is tumbling down,

Answer 2

I then changed it and added to it.

Answer 3

After:
We were happy
And there was much to do.
Life was good.
I felt carefree
I felt good.

But then you left me.
The walls of my world fell down.
I was helpless
Out of control.
I didn't know what to do.

I felt lost
Like I was wandering with nowhere to go.
You were right there
But just out of my reach.

I had to take control
I couldn't let myself collapse.
But how could just a girl
take over
when her world is tumbling down

I knew I had to rebuild the walls
But I didn't know how.
Then you came back.
I realized I couldn't do this myself.
I needed someone.
I was happy again
And before I knew it
My world was together again.

Answer 4

What do you think? Do you like the change? I had planned to add to the original anyway. Any ideas?

Answer 5

@ispike @demonchild @makaylatracy

Answer 6

@ilovecake @fallenangelorchid

Answer 7

It's really good. I liked how there wasn't a specific rhyme pattern. I wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 8

Thank you!

Answer 9

@jordanloveangel

Answer 10

Wow so Amazing

Answer 11

I like the change, it might be good to maybe put the reader on track by changing some of the words that can make the reader attract to read more of the poem

so far i like the story of the poem

Answer 12

Thank you!

Answer 13

@MakaylaTracy

Answer 14

@alesia/bailey

Answer 15

excuse my words but damn !!!!!!! that was amazing u are getting to be a better writer than me i could have not written that. great job keep it up we need a button where we can give u many medals and not just one

Answer 16

Haha thank you!!! That means a lot to me! And I agree!

Answer 17

I have always been able to sit down and write a poem in 5 minutes. It's really easy for me and I barely have to think about it. Which is nice.

Answer 18

here is a cake

Answer 19

u seem like the zebra type of girl

Answer 20

That's a really cool cake!! And in 6th grade I LOVED zebra print! I still think it's pretty cool :)

Answer 21

yes it is

Answer 22

Was it your birthday cake?

Answer 23

nope this is my birthday cake

Answer 24

OMG!!!!

Answer 25

i am turning 16 in july on the 7th

Answer 26

That. Is. Amazing!!! cake and turning 16

Answer 27

Happy few months before your birthday

Answer 28

lol

Answer 29

thank u and i hope u will have a wonderful birthday

Answer 30

your welcome

Answer 31

Hope u have a great bday too!

Answer 32

bye i gtg

Answer 33

Ok bye! Glad you liked my poem!

Answer 34

I really like your poem. <3

Answer 35

Thank you :)

Answer 36

@k_lynn Are you a teacher at Lionville Middle School? A writing teacher at 7C?

Answer 37

@MadHaxer Nope, I'm still a student. :D