Question

What do you think?

Answer 1

@amberosales
@hartnn
@Tjbrew
@Love_Ranaa

Answer 2

I think it's still cool and I don't watch Star Trek (yawn) so I don't know anything about the comparisons :) but still nice

Answer 3

thanks

Answer 4

@Tjbrew

Answer 5

@Blopez02 So the story posted above is the exact one that I already commented on...Did you see my comments? I will re post it here in case...

Answer 6

oh it is must have put the wrong one i have an updated version

Answer 7

oh cool, let me see that one...

Answer 8

here it is

Answer 9

@Love_Ranaa there is an updated version here noe

Answer 10

In one sentence, you say it has A...and then stops..You could fix that and reword somethings and It'll be perfect if you ask me

Answer 11

this is my fix "

Our mission is to create a colony on Danope. This planet is going to be the first to be able to let life thrive without a biosphere because it is the first planet, other than our own earth, that has an atmosphere."

Answer 12

Instead of ships, put ship's and the name Mad Dawg...

Answer 13

Leave it XD

Answer 14

And the hanger was good

Answer 15

Is here where you are talking about?

“We were attacked by some guys in a star ship, it didn’t look like any of the ones from Io, and they took Mad Dawg and half of his team captive and killed the others.”

Answer 16

Did the ship’s computers make a wrong turn?” oh right here

Answer 17

My comments...

Answer 18

thanks

Answer 19

@Blopez02 Do you understand my points?

Answer 20

I understand where you are coming from but... when people are talking i think that they can use slang, like here“We were attacked by some guys in a star ship, it didn’t look like any of the ones from Io, and they took Mad Dawg and half of his team captive and killed the others.”

Answer 21

do you see where i am coming from?

Answer 22

I am ok with your rationale for the this one...to use slang here works...We were attacked by some guys in a star ship...However, for the second part, you have to remember that you are writing this; and therefore, you can't have run-on sentences and punctuation errors. THAT WILL NOT FLY!!

Answer 23

Try reading this out loud and see how by the end you almost want to gasp for air...
We were attacked by some guys in a star ship, it didn't look like any of the ones from Io, and they took Mad Dawg and half of his team captive and killed the others.

Answer 24

I (gasp) see (gasp) what (gasp) you (gasp) are (gasp) saying (gasp)

Answer 25

“We were attacked by some guys in a star ship, it didn’t look like any of the ones from Io. They took Mad Dawg and half of his team captive and killed the others.” hows this

Answer 26

Better..BUT...This is still a run-on sentence because you have 2 complete ideas joined by a comma. You can fix several ways. 1. add and after the comma. 2. make the comma a semi colon. 3. change the comma to a period. - We were attacked by some guys in a star ship, it didn't look like any of the ones from Io.

Answer 27

We were attacked by some guys in a star ship. The ship didn't look like any of the ones from Io

Answer 28

Good choice!! ;)

Answer 29

thanks

Answer 30

Alright TTYL