Question

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions? Criticism?
Please thanks!
These are just small excerpt samples of the book I'm currently working on.

(I took these from the middle of each chapter so it might not make sense but yeah lol)

update: like i mentioned below to another user somethings might be misspelled, its just due the fact its my first draft so i just really pass it and look for them in the second draft.

Answer 1

Claudia 1492

Chapter 1: Where She Lies

“Oh but my love where do you thin of going?” Claudia held onto his arm. She was trying to hold him back from leaving. Her one and true love was about to go off to fight the evil forces taking over the kingdom and there was nothing she could do about it. Not a word spilled from his lips. As he pulled away from Claudia her eyes began to water. Nothing but a stream of tears fell down her cheeks but he didn't look back. The sound of her crying made the silence go away. Nothing could have stopped him from going, not even her love but she knew deep down she just had to do something to make sure the war ends. This way her true love will come back to her.
The days went by as Claudia met with the healers of her kingdom, none knew of a spell to give her infinite powers. That's what she needed magic and powers so she could stop this war. She finally met with the last healer of her kingdom. “Be careful with this spell, it might take the darkness within you and bring it out.” Claudia did nothing to listen to this warning, instead she made her way back to the castle to prepare to do the spell. As she was looking for a place her father walked behind her.
“Claudia! What are you doing?”
“Father, I am trying to help stop this war!”
He grabbed the paper from her hands and read it.
“By using magic! That's what started this war in the first place!”
Claudia took the paper back and stared at her father with anger.
“You Claudia are a woman! You need to know where your place lies!”
Claudia watched as her father stormed away. Nothing but anger filled her heart. Though she was a woman she always believed gender doesn't define a true warrior.



Melissa 2015

Chapter 1: The Heart Of A Believer

“These fairy tales of yours aren't real!” Melissa laughed at her friend. She loved her but she knew that there was no such thing as magic. Her friend pulled Melissa to her wall. “What am I supposed to look at?” Her friend pulled a sheet and there it was. Macy's wall full of supernatural-type events throughout history. She kept track of everything in order to prove to everyone that these things are real. Melissa didn't believe. No matter what was shown to her Melissa just couldn't believe. Some might say she doesn't have the heart of a believer. Macy began to point out things in her wall and explained them to Melissa. Even though she didn't believe she did love her friend so she listened. Shortly after Macy was done talking they both felt a loud bang on her closet door. The two friends looked at one another and made their way to the door.
“Are you doing to open it Macy? It might be a monster!”
“Real funny Melissa why don't you open it?”
As Melissa went for the door knob it began shaking violently. She stepped back in utter fear and confusion. She had never seen anything like this. Melissa turned to Macy who was fascinated. All she could think of was that she would finally have evidence of some sort of supernatural activity. Macy grabbed the knob quickly and opened the door. All the two girls could now see was a white bright light before the room went dark for both of them.

Answer 2

@Data_LG2

Answer 3

sorry guys where it says chapter 1 for Melissa its actually supposed to say chapter 2 :)

Answer 4

“Oh but my love where do you thin of going?” -> litttle bit unclear
do you mean:
"Oh but my love where do you think you are going?" ?

and just a little bit typo

“Are you \(\sf \color{red}{going}\) to open it Macy? It might be a monster!”

So far so good!!! :D Chapter 1 draws a great suspense for the readers without telling exactly what is happening. You successfully did it(medias res)!!! Just maintain the good transition and everything will be perfect! thumbs up for you ;)

Answer 5

@Data_LG2 lol sorry forgot to mention this is my first draft so somethings might be misspelled since i don't look for spelling until the second draft .
Thanks! :)

Answer 6

Oh alright ^_^ anyway, it's really good !

Answer 7

thank you! glad you like it :)