Question

Criticism? will give medals.

Answer 1

What is the animus of life? What is the why and wherefore, or are we just here to simply survive? When we are born we are the most wise we will ever be. We are completely unbiased, uncomplicated, we are raw. We are brought up by other humans whom we become dependant on, whom we model ourselves after, and slowly but surely we lose our individuality.
We grow up to imitate the lives our parents lived; we echo the past again and again. This is why we live in a world with no dissimilarity, with everyone screening their own opinions and views, withholding (their ideas, thoughts, and personal opinions) in the fear that if someone is to step out of line and question the trite views of society as a whole, they might in fact, discover something new and make a change.
What is life in itself? Is life really the pursuit of happiness, the search of the great something, the servility to the big man in the sky?
Are we really to spend our entire existence searching for a high we felt once upon forever ago? Is it to find and chase the feared something, the next big thing, the coming up evolution of our earth? (Of course not, we’re too consumed by fear to chase something that could change our way of survival.) Or, are we living simply to die? For, in the beliefs of some, death is not something to be feared, but to be anxiously awaiting. Is there really a realm of delirium floating up in the sky, waiting to accept the best of the best; waiting to turn people away to a lower dimension of pandemonium?
In living, why are there emotions?
Why give us the bliss of rising to the highest point of ecstasy, to let us crash back down to the nethermost pit of tribulation?
People shame addicts, but in actuality, the ones who shame are simply the doyen of hypocrisy. We, as humankind, are all addicts.
We spend our entire lives chasing after ‘happiness’ after our first encounter with it, and in the recesses of our witch hunt for bliss, we fight off paralyzing depression, like an addict fights off sobriety. We chase away our desolation with mindless work filled days, breaking our backs to require money that we use to purchase more of our false equanimity.

Answer 2

What can I fix when it is already amazingly put together that it makes a simple human being speechless? Nothing. Nothing needs fixing. I don't know what this is for but it's simply brilliant and everything I've been thinking about the past year or so. I don't know what to say anymore so I'm posting this.

Answer 3

Thank you sooo much holy gosh that made my morning((:
but hey feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk man

Answer 4

@roman_princess

I wouldn’t start with a question. Having a question as your hook is extremely weak find something else to draw in the attention of your reader.
“we are the most wise we will ever be” this is a little awkward please rephrase.
Dependent is spelled wrong.
“(their ideas, thoughts, and personal opinions)” this shouldn’t be in parentheses. You should only use parentheses when using like a side note or something but if you were to take it out the sentence would still make sense.
There’s a lot of questions. I would suggest not using questions to introduce your next topic just start talking about it.
“For, in the beliefs of some, death is not something to be feared” It should be spelled fore.
I really liked it! You have a unique style of writing which is an amazing quality. I would however suggest going into more detail with each topic. I feel like you have this amazing voice for each topic but you haven’t yet collected all of your thoughts or don’t know how to verbalize them yet or something. Maybe you do but the lack of detail and specifics is what makes me think that. I love how you use the whole thing with the addicts. This is an amazing piece of writing and you are defiantly gifted. Very well done.

Answer 5

i hope this helps

Answer 6

thank you so much it really did help, its hard for me to find many people who will offer actual criticism. thank you so much!!!!

Answer 7

@roman_princess
Other than the technical stuff that has already been covered (why would I repeat those?) I am very fond of how deeply philosophical this piece gets. It can make the reader argue with themselves "That's not how the world works!" Then they will begin to question their own argument "That's not how it works, is it?" At this point the reader is definitely hooked on what you have to say. So, like I said before, other than the technical things that have already been said, I believe this piece is amazing, and I can't wait to read your next one :)

Answer 8

At least, that's what happened to me XD

Answer 9

@roman_princess im so glad this helped i will read and critic anything u like as long as its 2 pages or under. lol

Answer 10

so dont be afraid to tag me