Question

I've been writing these little poem-like things (I don't want to call them poems because they aren't poems, in my mind. But I'm not sure what exactly they are... let's call them my ramblings for now) and there's about 7 or 8 of them, all based on my relationships/personality.

I've never done something like this before. Writing like this, I mean. I want honest feedback because I don't know how good/crappy they are and I want to know.

So, here they are (a "----" indicates a new one)

Answer 1

she doesn't want to leave you, can't you see that?
what she wants is to leave the pain of seeing you happy
happy without her, she wants to leave that behind
it hurts her to think of your smile
especially when it doesn't involve her
but she will never stop loving you
or thinking of the days those smiles were for her

-----

she's heard of the fairytales, yes she has
maybe they made her expectations unrealistic, maybe they did
but is it really too much to ask for someone to love her?
all of her flaws, all of her doubts, to carry her when she gets heavy?
maybe it is, maybe so

-----

maybe if you hadn't hurt her
maybe if you hadn't taken her at her weakest time
shown her what she always wanted
and then ripped it out of her hands without even a 'sorry'
maybe if you hadn't damaged her beyond recognition
maybe then, maybe, she could learn to love herself
in the way she always wanted others to love her

----

I guess you think that treating me like nothing
I guess that's okay with you
I guess it's okay, telling me you love me
I guess you also think it's okay to take that love away from me
I hope you think it's okay that I'm not going to let you get to me
I hope it's okay that you know I'm better than that
I hope you're okay with the fact that I won't subject myself to your treatment
I hope you never forget what you did to me
I also hope you never forget what I'll do to you
Reciprication is the worst revenge, don't you think?

----

I'll bet that you don't remember your smile on that day
I'll bet you don't know how your eyes shine and you bite your bottom lip whenever we part
I'll bet you have never noticed how beautiful you look in the midnight moonlight
You haven't noticed, you don't know, you don't remember
But I do
I do because I'm in love with you
I do because you're all that runs through my mind
You and those silly, little things and memories that you would never notice
And, as long as I'm living, I'll make sure you remember, know, and notice
It's the only thing I can do, the only way I can repay you for how happy you make me

----
people call her heartless, emotionless
just to list a few
people have died, moved on, and left her
yet they have never seen her shed one tear

I guess they've never seen her
alone in her room, with her music turned up loud
the songs that remind her of the lost ones
they haven't seen her when the tune kicks in
and the flood starts

music is her therapy
she's tried countless therapists
pills, friends, writing
but music is the only one who understands
the only one who's never not around
music reminds her of the better times
the times when everything was easier
times when her loved ones were still around
the times when she one she loved
he wasn't worlds away

and those memories
they feed her endless appetite
and, somehow, make her happy
even if only for sparkling, short moments

----

she calls herself solar-powered
oh, how she loves the sun, the warm weather
but what happens when
the girl who used to dance
when the sun came back
after the endless May showers
when she starts to need the showers
when she loves them
when she won't leave the house when the sun is out
but she never wants to go home when the showers rain down?

you know what happened; someone broke her
someone made her think that she can't be happy
made her think that she doesn't deserve it
someone made her believe
that the showers were all that mattered

you know what she really does need?
she needs someone who will tell her otherwise
who will drag her out into the sunlight
until she remembers how she used to love it
and she'll rejoice yet again
isn't that what she wants, what you want?
isn't that what she needs, but doesn't know she needs?

----

your kisses feel like heaven
your arms feel like my home
with my head on your heart
your hands rubbing my back
your voice telling me funny stories
the tv blaring low
my favorite cop show
you make me feel okay

but what about when
your lips tell me things no one should hear
your hands leaves bruises in places no one can see
and my heart is sinking because
i loved you
but i was just a game
like a rare, beautiful horse
that you took pleasure in breaking

Answer 2

All of them are written very well. The one that got to me was the third one.

maybe if you hadn't hurt her
maybe if you hadn't taken her at her weakest time
shown her what she always wanted
and then ripped it out of her hands without even a 'sorry'
maybe if you hadn't damaged her beyond recognition
maybe then, maybe, she could learn to love herself
in the way she always wanted others to love her

Answer 3

I really like them all. They really say a lot about what you have experienced. The las one is my favorite.

Answer 4

last* ^^

Answer 5

I agree with Brent. If these are ramblings, then I can't wait to read your actual poems. The emotion in these words is astounding.

Answer 6

Thank you all. You've made me feel a bit more confident about exploring this new realm of my writing.

If you want, I made a Tumblr blog dedicated to my poems (and other pretty, meaningful stuff). You can either follow that or bookmark it and check it once in a while. Every poem-like thing I post is my own. This is the URL if you want to check it out: http://poetic-trash.tumblr.com/

Answer 7

Sky oh so gray; air thick and water tainted.
Rotting wood softly creaking; footsteps quickly fading.
Echoes of voices past dwindle into obscurity; just as we all will one day.

Answer 8

That one I just wrote xD

Answer 9

Okay, I've written like 3 or 4 more.

after you, I adopted a new way of sleeping
that didn't have to involve your heartbeat
your calloused hand on my back, my thigh, or my hip
your fingers skimming my arms or cheekbones
or your soft whispers in the shadow filled rooms

after you, I had to find ways to venture out
without your hand in mine
your lips on my cheek
and your dark voice filling me with feelings of safety

after you, I learned new things
like that calloused hands mean
you've dealt with the devil
that dark voices mean you'll say wonderful things
that have dark meanings
and that sometimes you have good feelings
for a completely bad person

----

I have a never-ending song stuck in my head
like the ones we used to dance to
in your car, down lonely streets, hand in hand
but my song is unlike those in the way that
in mine, you stay
and you don't hurt me
all you do is love me
love me the way you promised you would
but the way you haven't for quite some time now

----

remember that night?
the night you got a hotel room
just for us to share
our secret worlds bare
I feel asleep in your arms that night
woke up with a screaming headache
and your kisses burning my body
the same way my heart burned with regret

even if you don't remember it,
the one thing you need to remember is that
I will regret that night for the rest of my life
because it made it look like I'd forgiven you

----

some days, I try to convince myself that
maybe you did love me
maybe you were just scared of how much
maybe you didn't hurt me purposely
but, then again,
I have ample evidence to dispute my claim
maybe this is an issue best left to
my therapists and my own personal late-night ramblings

-----

(If you can't tell, 'ramblings' has quickly become my favorite word)

Answer 10

Again, what makes these 'ramblings' exquisite and unique is the emotion portrayed and exerted in each one. Thank you for writing these down, @leahhhmorgannn :)

Answer 11

No recognition for me :(