Question

Just wrote this (below) tell me what you think.

Answer 1

As the days go by I slowly forget about you. I slowly start to forget everything. Your eyes, your voice, your smile, your laugh, your everything. I start to forget about how you used to hold me close and tell me how much you loved me and how you never wanted me to leave. As I forget I start to get better. I start to smile more, I start to get back into doing what I love. The only problem is the memories. Everything reminds me of you. Those songs, the movies, smells. Everything. When the memories start coming back they rip a new hole in my chest, it’s even more painful than before. It’s like getting stabbed repetitively all over. It hurts so bad but I’ve hid it. I hide it so well that not even you can see it. The truth is, I miss you. I miss you more than anything. I miss us.

Answer 2

@UnkleRhaukus

Answer 3

I love depressing poetry. ~

Answer 4

@MamiTomoe well that's good... i guess.

Answer 5

@amistre64

Answer 6

The emotion portrayed in this work is what makes it really stand out

Answer 7

This is deep, and I love the message portrayed in your writing. Of course, there'd be a little room for improvement. You seem to be repetitive with "I forget", which could be compacted into one idea instead of multiple sentences (if that makes sense). Don't get me wrong, though- phenomenal story. I can definitely relate to the pain that's expressed in these lines. You usage of similes did not go unnoticed, by the way.

Great work, in a nutshell. I love your writing style.

Answer 8

Being able to relate to a heartbreak like this, I can personally connect with the emotion in this. It's really great.

From a critical standpoint, I'd just add just a bit more detail. What exactly abut his eyes, smile? Go even deeper into your emotions, pull out everything you're scared to say out loud, put it to paper. That's what makes it special.

Answer 9

Thank you guys for the critisizm I really appreciate it. I'll make sure to use it for my next little rantish type thing.

Answer 10

It's really good I liked it

Answer 11

Thanks (:

Answer 12

im sad now....But other than that! This is amazing!

Answer 13

It looks good.

Answer 14

@BrentsGirl4ever it is amazing. it really inspires you and shows you the truth in love.

Answer 15

Thank you @Blonde_Gangsta @TheOrion101 and @dunhill_fresh