Question

I'm writing a story and I want to know if it is okay so far. It's posted below.

Answer 1

Melody Grace sat in her room, on her bed, listening to her favorite songs on her iPod Melody was a small girl, cute and quiet. She had dirty blonde hair that hung down a bit past her butt, eyes as blue as the early morning sky, her skin was a pale color which illuminated her freckles. She was pretty thin but she had “all the right junk in all the right places” as Meghan Trainor would say.
Melody and her family were originally from Australia, Sydney to be exact, but they moved here when Melody was only 10 years old for a job opportunity her father had. Melody was so mad that her parents had made her leave all of her friends behind. She had cried for days because she had no contact with her best friend. He knew everything about her and all the suddenly she was yanked away from him. She still hasn’t forgiven her parents for that.
Although she had been living in the United States for almost five years she still had her Australian accent. She practiced it on a daily basis just to make sure she didn’t lose it. Along with her accent she had an amazing voice and an unforgettable personality. Melody was kind to everyone, even if they had done something wrong. “Kill them with kindness.” Was her motto and she lived by it. You will never hear one hateful thing leave her mouth, she was always a little ball of sunshine.
As she was going through her Facebook feed she got a Skype call from someone she didn’t know. “MCliff95” was the username. ‘That’s weird, I don’t know who this is.’ So being who she is, Melody pressed the “accept call button”. As soon as she did a boy with bright green hair came on the screen. She immediately knew who it was and squealed internally.
“Hello?” She question casually to the green haired celebrity.
“Melody? Melody Grace?” He asked a hopeful look in her eyes.
“This is she.” She answered a smile on her face.
“Mel it’s Mikey.” She quirked her eyebrow, confused and thoughtful at the same time. How did this celebrity know her nickname? She looked deep in thought when realization flashed in her eyes and she immediately started crying.
“Mikey! Oh my goodness I can’t believe it’s you! I’ve been trying to find you on any social media site I would since my mum and dad gave me a phone! I didn’t even remember what you looked like! With all the changing you must have went through--’
“Mel. Mel!” He hollered over the phone and caught her attention, stopping her babbling. He smiled at Melody, tears in his own eyes.
“I missed you too Mel. So have the others. Speaking of them, Luke! Ashton! Calum! I found Melody!” He shouted and you would hear three sets of feet running into the room. They all crowded around the camera and almost squealed with excitement.
“Oh My God Melody is that really you?!” -Calum
“We’ve missed you so much!” -Ashton
“You have to come back to Aussie!” -Luke
“Guys, lets not overwhelm her, I only just found her.” Michael chimed in and the other tree backed up from the screen. Melody looked like a hot mess. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had makeup running down her face.
“Oh my goodness I’m so sorry guys, I look horrible!” She screeched and hid her face from the screen while she tried to clean herself up.
“Mel, it’s fine really. I don’t know why you’re wearing makeup in the first place, you’re beautiful without it.” Luke said calmly and the other three agreed. Melody scoffed and looked into her bedside mirror and when she was satisfied with her appearance she uncovered her face and smiled at the iPod screen, only to be met with four disappointed faces.
“What?” She asked innocently.
“Why don’t you think you’re beautiful?” Calum asked her as hurt flashed across his face but Michael had tears in his eyes and one sliding down his cheek. Melody knew why, she knew exactly. How would she be so stupid?
“I’m so sorry guys. It’s just, It’s hard to explain.” She said with a sad look on her face. Tears welled up in her eyes once again until she heard soft whispers. She looked up at the screen and saw the boys staring back at her.
“Mel, It’s okay, just please don’t do it again.” Ashton said and the other boys nodded.
“I won’t.” She promised and smiled at them lovingly.


______________________________________________________________________________
-3 Years Later-

Melody danced around her room happily as she packed her things. Today was the day that she moved back to Australia with her boyfriend and her three best friends. She couldn’t wait. She had been backing since last night, to say she was nervous was an understatement. What if she got there and they decided that they didn’t want her there anymore? What if she got hate from the fans once they found out her and Mikey were together, and had been for two years, but just kept it a secret? She was terrified of the reactions but she pushed the thought away. This day was going to be perfect.
Her mother had already sent most of her stuff over to Australia already so all she had to worry about was her suitcases and carry-on bag. In her suitcases were her clothing items that she didn't want to chance getting ruined and her hair products.

Answer 2

Good! Great! Awesome! Outstanding! Amazing! I love this story!

Answer 3

@mathman101 Thanks

Answer 4

You have a few grammar errors, but I think that it's an interesting story! (^_^) Nicely done!

Answer 5

@Seira-kun and @DatChinookGuy could you point them out please. It would be extremely helpful!

Answer 6

@Blonde_Gangsta @BloomLocke367 @aster12D @Crazypizzalover @DarkMoonZ @e.mccormick @ghuczek @HelpBlahBlahBlah @itsbribro @johnp12 @King.Void. @LifeIsADangerousGame @mrbaconqwerty @nevermind_justschool @onedirection4ever @pjpineda17 @raynebow<3 @skittles_for_life6422 @Twilkis12 @UnkleRhaukus @viixxen @xo.minnie.xox @youngnephew34

Answer 7

Love it <3

Answer 8

@pjpineda17 thanks

Answer 9

np

Answer 10

I LOVE THIS STORY!!!! I WAS SMILING THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE STORY!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

Answer 11

i think that saying "dirty blonde hair that that hug below her butt" is a little crude and vague, maybe something like "dirty blonde hair that cascaded on her shoulders and like like a waterfall fell below her waist" idk use whatever you would like but this is a great story line:)

Answer 12

wow that was such a sweet story u can't help but smile i mean seriously u have a gift you should make more stories like this one, interesting :) @BrentsGirl4ever

Answer 13

@raynebow<3 I'll take that into consideration and @aster12D thanks! I plan on writing more to this story!

Answer 14

This story is so sweet. i just love it <3

Answer 15

wow I'm blown away that was ammmmmmazzzzing KuToeeeessss to you

Answer 16

Could you all help me come up with a name for the story?

Answer 17

lol we dont know the girl with dirty blonde here australias where the heart is lol idk

Answer 18

maybe Reunited Again?

Answer 19

good one @BrentsGirl4ever

Answer 20

Maybe (:
Hmm choose out of these:
-Reunited
-Wherever You Are
-Home is Where The Heart Is
-Don't Forget Where You Belong

Answer 21

@suckerofmath

Answer 22

wherever you are won!!!! i love it

Answer 23

This could have potential, but the writing is awkward and choppy. I actually review books as a hobby and I think it would benefit you greatly to start/continue reading as many books as you can. Your descriptions skills could use improving, "She had dirty blonde hair that hung down a bit past her butt, eyes as blue as the early morning sky, her skin was a pale color which illuminated her freckles." That is an over-used technique to getting the description of the main character out of the way. For the most part, describing the main character should be more original. "“Oh My God Melody is that really you?!” -Calum" you don't usually capitalize "my," there should be a comma before and after Melody, and you never put "-Name" in a story. It's always, " adjective/said Name." or something similar. Your narration tone isn't entertaining and reads in a matter-of-fact way, rather than in a story-telling way. Your tone is very important. "Melody Grace sat in her room, on her bed, listening to her favorite songs on her iPod Melody was a small girl, cute and quiet." This is showing, not telling and has extra words. You could easily have written this as: "Melody Grace sat on her bed, listening to her favorite playlist on her iPod." Don't tell the reader that Melody was small (?), cute, and quiet, show us.

This is meant constructively. :)

Answer 24

(Sorry I'm a little late on responding.)

I reread the story to find the grammar errors I had seen the first time, so here they are. *Please note that my inner grammar freak, Jinxy, has been let out for this special occasion, but don't feel alarmed. Jinxy won't hurt you. XD)

-You forgot to add a period after the end of the first sentence.
-You should add an "and" before "her skin".
-"Kill them with kindness" was her motto, not "Kill them with kindness". Was her motto.

I think that's all, but if I'm wrong feel free to correct me. Again, that was a very interesting story, and I encourage you to keep up your writing skills! :) I hope that helped! Now, to put Jinxy away...

Answer 25

Thank you so much @Seira-kun and Jinxy!