Question

I've been working on this short, song-inspired thing...

It's been sitting in my writing file for a bit and I decided to see what y'all thought. Keep in mind the last time I looked at this, it was 1 in the morning and I was listening to "I Knew you Were Trouble" on repeat. Which is why it's kind of half based off my ex and that song.

Answer 1

A laugh raked its way out of my body, spilling and bubbling over my lips, gone as quickly as it came. He’d said something, the way he always had, something that had made me act before I thought. Of course, the few glasses of champagne I’d had before leaving the house could’ve done that too. We were wandering down a lonely road, lit only by neon signs in small diners and gas stations. His hand was wound tightly into mine, my head on his shoulder as we walked, him leading me back toward where he thought he’d parked his car. He was laughing, the sound somehow filling up the entire road, as he whirled us around again. I grinned, burying my smile into his shoulder as his arm came around my waist.
I could feel his blue eyes on me and looked up, my smile growing wider as I found him smirking and rolling his eyes, a playful gesture. I untucked my head from his shoulder and he took the invite to bring his lips to mine, both of his arms circling my waist. We stood in the middle of the dead-end street, embraced in our tentative love. I hooked my thumb in the loop on his jeans, my other hand going behind his neck, curling around his neck. His own thumbs pressed into my hips and I sighed, both of my hands now looped around his neck. Our lips remained locked, but I pulled back, pressing our foreheads together, our heavy breaths mixing in the hot, midnight air. I bit my bottom lip and he chuckled, looking down at the road, before he took my lip out from under my teeth. I was near protest, but he took the words when he kissed me again, this time softer before he pulled away. I whined a bit, tried pulling him back to me. He was reluctant, smiling at my frustration. He spoke then, his profound voice filled with amusement and what I could only describe as love.
“God, you’re cute.” He told me as his arms moved from my waist, one staying in the notch on my hips, the other on the small of my back. He held me to his chest, my heart level with his. I must have been biting my lip again because he tipped his head back, his hair spilling back with it, and sighed.
“I swear to god, you’re such a tease.”
I played along, lifting my eyebrows, “Me? The tease? Are you serious?”
He laughed and, instead of answering, took my hand, pulling me down the street a little further.
“Where are we going…” I said, not a question, but wanting him to fill in the blanks. He just looked at me, squinting his eyes for just a moment before he took the hat off of his head, placing it on top of my unruly blonde hair. He nodded, short, before pushing my hair out my eyes, bending down to give me a short kiss before he pulled me inside of a door.
My first conscious thought was that the music was way too loud. He was pulling me through a hordes of people, some of them eying him and then me, trying to make a connection. The place was dimly lit and I was trying hard to keep up with him without tripping. He hadn’t stopped moving and I knew where we’d most likely wound up. I knew I was correct on my assumption when I heard the sounds of clinking glass and pouring drinks, hollers for one more. I figured we were at some underground club, ones of the ones he’d always been wary about bringing me to. I pieced our night together, also figuring out that he hadn’t lost his car at all. He’d finally released my hand, reaching out to place his order to the bartender. I glanced around at the other people, the faces and lights blurring together in my mind. I felt a bit light-headed and turned around to tug on his shirt sleeve, tell him I needed to get home. Except... he was gone. He was gone, I didn’t know where I was, and I’d become aware that I’d left my phone in his car. He’d dragged me here, but hadn’t thought of me, only of getting more drunk than he already was. I stood in a crowd of moving bodies, forcing me into the dance floor. I turned around, but only found more bodies. My eyes were on the floor, trying to figure out a way out of this situation. My mind wasn’t on finding him, I needed a way out and that no longer included him.
I was smart, I could figure it out. What I couldn’t figure out, however, was why I’d gone out with him tonight after the trouble he’d put me through. He was one thing I couldn’t put down, the unhealthy obsession. I shook my head, shoving my way through the sweaty bodies, back towards where I’d thought the door was. I had to leave this place and I had to leave him behind. I knew that now, I knew that this morning when he’d called me, I knew that when I’d broken up with him. I guess I lived life a bit on the edge when it came to him.

Answer 2

interesting! hmmm

Answer 3

how long did it take u to think of that?

Answer 4

It was pretty instant. The song, after listening to it about 100 times that night, and my old boyfriend - the memories and the feeling from the song pretty much just combined together and made... this. @teresar7

Answer 5

im like that. my songs just comes to me

Answer 6

Dang i just pictured this in my head and this is like book quality

Answer 7

Haha, thank you!

Answer 8

np

Answer 9

Really well written! I felt like I was looking at life through your shoes completely! By far one of the better things I have read on here, great job LEAH!
And also made me feel bad for what went you went through with him, your emotions are conveyed so well throughout all this!!

Answer 10

^

Answer 11

Wow! That was great! I could really picture what was going on, it was so descriptive! Nicely done.

Answer 12

Once again, amazing. Bravo. (: