Question

I wrote this

Answer 1

while the fire inside me glows
the fire outside you grows
someone save my soul from this hell
before the fire takes my soul
i'm doomed i'm damned
it hurts so bad
but no one seems to care
be prepared for when the flames of hell rise
theres no turing back
no where to hide to place to hide
from the evil inside you can't fight
when will i see the light?
theres nothing but darkness in my soul
captured by hells darling angel
her breath of death never were so sweet
there nothing but the dark
sweet, icy, forbidden dark
where footsteps don't dare to tread.
In there i find death.
Not amoung the blessed
Cursed by hells sweet angel
death never felt this good

Answer 2

Ah, man this is deep. Love it, keep this up!

Answer 3

This is good stuff.

Answer 4

Thanks

Answer 5

i really liked it! You definitely have a voice; however there are quite a few issues i found in your poem. I do believe that all of these problems have a common solution which is using less. Sometimes less is more. I would take out some things. Figure out whats needed and whats unneeded. I found it very repetitive. I felt like you were saying the same thing over and over which was making it lose its meaning. Also its kinda a little everywhere but again i feel like this can be solved with taking away access stuff. Another thing i noticed was the lack of punctuation. If reading fast was your intent i do like that but i still think there are a few places where commas are needed.

I really hope this helps and always remember that poetry is about the writer not the audience so if you think its perfect than its perfect and everything i or someone else has said is merely suggestions

Answer 6

its really good.