I stand there waiting
waiting for you to call
I stare at my phone
it rings, it is you
I smile in happiness
but then read the text
and it says....
We are over
tears run down my face
and falls to the ground
I run and say goodbye

Question

I stand there waiting
waiting for you to call
I stare at my phone
it rings, it is you
I smile in happiness
but then read the text
and it says....
We are over
tears run down my face
 and falls to the ground
I run and say goodbye

anonymous · Answer

i don't like it but what do you guys think?

babynini · Answer

what about it don't you like? :)

babynini · Answer

There is always room for improvement, but I want to make sure it remains your own!

anonymous · Answer

@Babynini  Thanks and i don't know it is not my best work

babynini · Answer

Ok, well, there's a few tense issues. Let me fix those for you and we'll go on from there to making more major changes, if you want :)

anonymous · Answer

Okay

babynini · Answer

I stand here waiting,
waiting for you to call
I stare at my phone 
It rings, it's you!
I smile in happiness
but then read the text
and it says....
"We are over"
tears run down my face
it runs and falls to the ground
I run and say goodbye

anonymous · Answer

Oh is! Thanks

babynini · Answer

ok, that's just grammar changes :P okiess, there's a few things you could do to make it flow better

anonymous · Answer

Oh okay

babynini · Answer

what does this line mean?
"it runs and falls to the ground"

anonymous · Answer

The tear like falls from here face and hits the ground

babynini · Answer

ahh i see, i see! ok :) here's how you could make it a little clearer:
....
"We are over"
Tears run down my face
and fall to the ground..."

to give this more emotion, you could put an adjective for HOW the tears are falling. You get me? maybe "silently" or "quietly" or "suddenly"

anonymous · Answer

okay

babynini · Answer

But only if you want to! xP do you want to put a word in there?

babynini · Answer

"I stand here waiting,
waiting for you to call
I stare at my phone, willing it to ring 
Finally. 
The sweet sound of my ringtone
triggers an explosion of happiness within me
it's you!

"We are over."
I blink back tears and re-read it.
"We..are..over."

Tears run down my face
and fall heavily to the ground
I fall to the ground with them.
"Goodbye." 

"

^ ok that's like super drama-enhanced, which you may keep or disregard. It's completely up to you and I won't be offended in the slightest, everyone has different writing styles. Your original was very lovely as well :)

What do you mean by this final line? :)
I run and say goodbye