Thesis Help:

here is my introduction with a thesis and everything. I was wondering if you could edit this and make it sound better? It is about obesity and it is a research paper so you have to stay out of first person. Thanks!
1 in 3 people are obese. That number may not strike you as very large so let’s put this on a larger scale: 2.565 billion people are obese. Although obesity can be linked to a variety of complex factors that may inhibit one from losing weight, these seemingly impossible barriers can be overcome through a simple balance of diet and exercise.

Question

Thesis Help:







here is my introduction with a thesis and everything. I was wondering if you could edit this and make it sound better? It is about obesity and it is a research paper so you have to stay out of first person. Thanks!
1 in 3 people are obese. That number may not strike you as very large so let’s put this on a larger scale: 2.565 billion people are obese. Although obesity can be linked to a variety of complex factors that may inhibit one from losing weight, these seemingly impossible barriers can be overcome through a simple balance of diet and exercise.

anonymous · Answer

very good introduction! however you should mention where people are obese, Since i am amusing you are talking about America it would start out as... " In, America, 1 in 3 people are dealing with obesity (or suffering, which ever you prefer)..." and for a research paper its best to have 3 main points to mention

anonymous · Answer

great intro. a thesis must be an argument though. ask yourself: what are you trying to argue? use the argument with the most evidence.