Question

Can I get some help on a college essay? The prompt is:

"A 500 word essay about why you selected your major."

My essay is kind of flimsy, and I am not sure what else to include and what to cut out. Also, I am slightly over the 500 word limit. Can someone look it over and give me some feedback? Anything helps!

Answer 1

type it here

Answer 2

I really like your essay. If I were in your place, It would have been hard to take something out. Can't you submit it like this?

Answer 3

It is over 500 words and that is the limit @Susanna

Answer 4

@marihelenh - I'd be happy to take a look at this in a day or two if you're still looking for some pointers! I have an early flight tomorrow so I don't quite have time right now.. But kudos on your interest in engineering! I may be biased, but I think it really gives you a heightened understanding of the world around you.

Though I'm sure people from different backgrounds would give you a similar reflection of their own degrees..

Answer 5

you get that in almost every field that you study.

Answer 6

you had a good essay but I tore it up anyway. before you were about 100 words over.
I did not rewrite but follow the changes (in color) and you will also see some form of structure. (What should I major in?--The Indicator test---why engineering---what am I doing now---I think you need to put more into the last section about helping people without being in healthcare, too generic.
Here is my revised open and close for the topic why engineering? (only 130 words)

Many seniors are unsure of their plans following graduation and for those like me who plan to attend college, the big question is, “what should be my major?” With the encouragement of teachers and relatives, I have considered a number of career choices including law, medicine, business, and politics. This question remained unanswered until the day the results of the Myers-Briggs Indicator exposed my love of analyzing and solving problems.

Obtaining a degree in engineering will give me the necessary training to find solutions to make the environment and world safer. I will be a happy, productive, successful person enjoying what I have the desire to get accomplished. A degree in engineering will also be a basic requirement for my status as the CEO of my own engineering firm.

Answer 7

Your essay reads very well indeed, and is anything but "flimsy."
I'd suggest you yourself read it through again, making value judgments regarding how much each sentence contributes to conveying your overall theme. Delete the least significant / relevant of those sentences, and then repeat the process.

Answer 8

@LifeEngineer I'm sorry, I actually just saw your post, but I would love any pointers you could give if you are still willing.

Answer 9

any comments about my response?

Answer 10

@triciaal Yes, thank you for commenting. I will definitely be using some of your tips and I am sure it will make it much better. My only question is on the revised attachment, you changed a couple reasons into 3 reasons. I had only meant to put in the two. Did my writing portray that their were three reasons and I just worded it that way?

Answer 11

no you wrote 2 but you were covering more than one in the first one with examples and such and it took a while to get to where you wrote second. the second is very generic.

Answer 12

Do you have any ideas on how to not make it so generic? @triciaal

Answer 13

an idea is a particular group of people that would benefit from a product engineered with problem solving skills example I have a friend who wants to make LED vest for bicyclists at night how about the popular "reach stick" to help people who are short or have to use a wheelchair etc ?

Answer 14

I have critiqued many essay's, novels, and stories before and I just couldn't resist the urge to do the same with yours.
Hopefully, it'll be of some help to you. If not...well I did it anyways :) @marihelenh

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1344igjZCNeWwI8TvV7C8PADLMXiznCjKCBbrn5J7Gcg/edit?usp=sharing

Answer 15

Thank you so much for your comments and corrections! I'm sure I'll be using them to clean it up. @Atsie

Answer 16

No problem. I was happy to do it! :) @marihelenh

Answer 17

Can you please close this @marihelenh if you had your question answered? Thank you