Question

So.. Im trying to write a book. It's my first book ever and im only about the first chapter in. I'd like some feedback on it before I continue any further. Take a look at it please? (:

Answer 1

'Run!' He yelled, as I dashed for the roof and looked back, he was struggling to force the door closed, there were so many of them banging against it. I got to the roof and waited for him by the door, after a few seconds he came dashing up the stairs, he slammed the roof access door shut and wedged a piece of wood under it.
That wouldn't hold them back for long, already they broke through the bottom doors and I could hear the thundering of footsteps making their way up the stairs. 'Head to the zip line and cross, I'll catch up with you.' he said as he leaned against the door. 'No we'll cross together! There's not enough time to go one by one!' I protested, but he just looked at me and smiled, I knew that smile, He's my older brother and no one knows him better than I do. All those years of getting into trouble with each other, when he takes all the heat whenever we got caught, I knew it all too well. His eyes were filled with resolve, his smile held all our memories behind it. My heart sank, I knew what he was planning, and I knew there was nothing that I could do.
Tears filled my eyes as I walked forward and embraced him, a speechless goodbye, the last goodbye. He cringed in pain, he was bleeding from multiple bullet wounds and the nearest hospital or pharmacy was miles out. He knew he wouldn't last much longer without proper medical attention. He pushed me away as they got to the door, they were banging on it so hard the hinges were coming loose.
I rigged myself up to the zip line and was sailing to the next building, I looked back just in time to see the walkers burst through the door, he fought to very end, bashing their skulls in with a rusty wrench, it wasn't long until he got overran.








Chapter 1

'Joel. Joel. JOEL! Damn it Joel wake up!' She yelled as she shoved me out the bed and stormed out the room.
I was shivering covered in cold sweat, as I do most mornings as I awaken. For months I've been having the same dream...vision...nightmare, whatever you want to call it. I can't close my eyes without that scene replaying in my head. It's already nerve racking enough dealing with these hell-spawns, I don't need to relive seeing my brother get torn apart every night.
I pulled myself up ready to start the day, before Karla came back in and yelled at me, she hates when anyone sits around doing nothing, 'If you have time to do nothing then you have time to do something,' she'd always say. I have to go on another run today, for medical supplies and fuel for the generators. We've already cleaning everything out in a 8 mile radius, now we'll have to venture outside our comfort zone.
Some days just seem so peaceful, swaying trees, cool winds, and beautiful clouds. But there were always one missing variable, birds. Without birds it just hasn't been the same, without the orchestra of singing birds, the rustling leaves just sounded like noise. It ruined the ambience.
"Joel get back into reality will yah? We're burning daylight." Karla chucked a nap-sack of rations and equipment in my chest, she then slid a piece of paper in my hand "get these for me, between you and me." she whispered with her face slightly blushed, avoiding my eyes. "Alright," I agreed and turned to the group I'm taking to the city. "Ready up, you butt munchers!"
I've been on quite a few runs with this group, they're pretty reliable. They seem to have adjusted to this lifestyle pretty easily. Before this whole thing happened they were just a bunch of college kids, a year away from graduation. Jackie, the one that adapted the fastest is quick on her feet and witty. Dave, the engineer... he has hands of Hephaestus. Then there's Sylvia, or Silver as we call her. She's a force not to be reckoned with. Her skills with that sword of herd will send any grown man crying.

Answer 2

i didnt read chapter 1 but i read the first part and it was "AMAZING"

Answer 3

so ima read chapter 1 now

Answer 4

Really? Thank you ! I appreciate it!

Answer 5

ur medal lol

Answer 6

:D

Answer 7

"Ready up, you butt munchers!" haha i like it ! :D

Answer 8

i finished it and as i was reading i tought 2 things 1: this could be a movie 2: what is the title?

Answer 9

Haha thank you

Answer 10

Uhh.... I don't have a title for it yet :/

Answer 11

lol ok

Answer 12

i know i could possibly make a "movie" out of this with my friends if thats ok

Answer 13

I was thinking between Natural Selection, Earth's Cleansing ... I forgot my third one. >.>

Answer 14

??? @_KingFwea_

Answer 15

@tygrr321 By all means, go ahead :D once I finish the book I'll send it to you I guess :P

Answer 16

K so I'm a self-published author, and I have to say a couple things.

1. Nice writing technique, very descriptive. Kudos for that.

2. Do you have a plan/outline for the book? Have a plan if you're going to be in this for the long run.

3. What do you want this book to be? Do you want to publish it, or share just between your family? It's important to know.

4. I notice you use some older language in the book, which could jeopardize your chances of reaching out to younger audiences. Be careful.

Other than that, looks like it could be a good read. :D

Answer 17

ok cool
my friends and i meet at our church every sunday and one of them has a go pro so ill see wat i can do

Answer 18

u there? @_KingFwea_

Answer 19

@malcolmmcswain Thank you. Tbh I didn't plan what I wrote. I literally sat down and typed the whole thing up. I'll think about it though.

I'm writing it for fun, but If people like it I guess I could publish it so they have something to enjoy.

I have a weird dialect and it shows in my writing haha, idk if I can do anything about that.

Answer 20

@tygrr321 I am sorry, I got a phone call

Answer 21

lol ok @_KingFwea_

Answer 22

@tygrr321 If you really do want to make a movie out of it, would you rather I finish the book ? or should I post it in pieces?

Answer 23

If you're interested in publishing, check out http://createspace.com

It's a self-publishing service by Amazon that's easy and free.

Answer 24

well because its not done and i meet on sundays yes u can finish it but it would help if u did a chapter a day and pm it to me so i can film and edit a chapter a day @_KingFwea_

Answer 25

@malcolmmcswain Thank you, Ill book mark it. Is there anything that I need to work on in the writing? like do I use too much of one thing and not enough of another or such?

Answer 26

@tygrr321 I can try to do that sure

Answer 27

actully... if u could do a movie script (like a school play) after every chapter that would work better becuase then we dont do the "movie" like the book like real movies

Answer 28

Couple of grammar/spelling errors, but other than that, it's good.

Answer 29

I have no idea how to write a script :z ... but I guess I could look into. One thing at a time though... I'll finish the book first. It's going to be a decent sized book. It might end up being a series because of how far I might want to go into it.

Answer 30

ok

Answer 31

@malcolmmcswain ok ill read it over, I thought I got everything

Answer 32

brb

Answer 33

that works best to because were going to need to think of how and when to film @_KingFwea_

Answer 34

and wat props if any and wat the background would be

Answer 35

@_KingFwea_
if u keep this book up and or write "plays" for "movies" then we could do a bunch of series of films

Answer 36

and if u "want or need" i could help edit the book for film and give ideas for the book
@_KingFwea_

Answer 37

Oh, details won't be a problem. In the next chapter I plan to describe the compound where they are based.

Answer 38

ok thats great btw does the main character after his bro dies do they have parents or is that later in the book?

Answer 39

I think yew should continue writing... it's full of detail and fun to read :3. I think this would be a FANTASTIC book for ppl to read once it's finally done ^_^... GREAT JOB

Answer 40

uhh.. I never thought about that. they are grown men. like 28

Answer 41

@sky060902 Thank you so much! :D

Answer 42

Your welcome anytimeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

p.s. I dont like toes :3

Answer 43

they r... so icant do a film
poop...

Answer 44

well, I don't think film adaptations for an amateur book have to be that exact but it's up to you

Answer 45

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Answer 46

my film bout ur book be confusing lol

Answer 47

Very good

Answer 48

@hope210 thank you :)

Answer 49

welcome. I know good story when I see one

Answer 50

wow! is all i can say

Answer 51

@_KingFwea_ Wow you should be a writer dude. I can not believe how well this book is coming out. Message me when you have more ok? I would like to read the rest of your book.

Answer 52

@errnss @RocketIsAwesome Thank you a lot you two! I have the second chapter finished, I'll let it out soon after I revise it :D

Answer 53

@errinss *

Answer 54

i wasn't expecting this much positive feedback at all :D

Answer 55

@_KingFwea_ ok

Answer 56

king maybe i could help... im writing a book of my own.

Answer 57

hmm, by help what exactly do you mean? and can I see?

Answer 58

idk if i can transfer all 10 chapters to os, but maybe ill post one chapter. like story format, layout, script, writng stuff u know

Answer 59

paste it in a google doc maybe? oh, hmm if you could do a better job than me then I wouldn't mind. But i'd like to be the one writing only, I don't want people thinking I got helped and taking all the credit to myself

Answer 60

ya ya of course i didnt mean it like that xD if u need help with the FORMAT u can ask me

Answer 61

haha ok thanks, I'll take you up on that offer when needed. writing is pretty hard lol, I only know what to write after I lay down in bed and just day dream.