Question

Poem Dedicated to a Fallen Friend- Let me know if it is good so far or what i can add or lose

Answer 1

Title: The Flower and her pot
The Flower did not grow far from the meadow.
The leaves she bloomed were not perfect
And the pedals she bared made the other flowers look down at her.
She still hoped though,
for the wind to carry her to that place.
The place where beautiful flowers are put on display.
She reached for it, she tried so hard!
But the only response of the odd flower "this flower looks self-harmed."
But no help was given
"The leaves are way off"
But it was not her fault
"It might as well be tossed!"
And the flower felt the daggers thrown.
The flower finally smiled as she fell in deep sleep
A sleep the flower could not come from
With that the flower crumbled into ashes.

Answer 2

It sounds very good. I think the self-harmed part can be reworded. You can say....

"the flower wilted as she refused to survive
And no help was given"

I think this may help and lean towards your poetic vibe.

It's a beautiful poem. I'm sure the flower ended up in a wonderful and peaceful place.

Answer 3

Also, what do you mean by "the flowers felt the daggers thrown?" It's a metaphor as in the weapon, correct? I think it may be best to replace that with a better metaphor or cross it out. Its a nice metaphor but I think that it is not the best metaphor for this poem :)

Answer 4

Thanks :) i really love the feedback you have given me, and will work on the poems revision! and yeah i felt like something stuck out but i couldnt figure out what