Question

I'm writing a religion essay and so far I've only written a paragraph. I have good ideas but I feel like it sounds a little repetitive. Any suggestions or critiques?

Why Am I Taking This Course

Overall, I am taking this course to broaden my horizons on religions all over the world. I know that there's immense power in religion because it has stood strong through the ultimate test of time. It has been embedded in peoples' hearts and burgeoned on through their spirits. Religion has caused wars, solved problems and some people literally guide their lives by their specific religion.

Answer 1

It doesn't sound repetitive at all from my perspective. Perhaps you could add another reason of why the topic of religion interests you. For instance, maybe you are looking to find a religion of your own, so you are taking the course to learn about different religions to help you to chose one for yourself.

Answer 2

Thank you so much @Irrati0nal ! I edited it a little, do you think this version of it is better?
Overall, I am taking this course to broaden my horizons on religions all over the world. I know that there's immense power in religion because it is embedded in peoples' cultures and continues to burgeon on through their spirits, in turn, it has stood withstood the ultimate test of time. Religion has caused wars, resolved issues and some people literally guide their lives by their specific religion. It has not been severed nor hindered by hate, allegations or stereotypes over time. Anything this powerful should be learned and appreciated by others because in a way because it unites us despite our differences and allows us to understand and respect an individuals beliefs. With all of that being said, I hope that this course will teach me three main things: (1) Allow me to view various religions from different perspectives and relate them to each other.

Answer 3

It looks very good. There are a few grammatical errors though:

Second sentence:
"I know that there's immense power in religion because it is embedded in peoples' cultures and continues to burgeon on through their spirits, in turn, it has stood withstood the ultimate test of time"

Corrections to make:
"burgeon on" - you can delete the word "on," as "burgeon" already implies that this goes on.
"stood withstood" - delete the first word "stood." All you need here is "withstood."

Answer 4

Fifth sentence:

"Anything this powerful should be learned and appreciated by others because in a way because it unites us despite our differences and allows us to understand and respect an individuals beliefs."

Corrections to make:
"because in a way because it unites" - delete the second "because," as it is unnecessary.
"an individuals beliefs." - add an apostrophe to "individuals," as apostrophes indicate possession, and the possession here is their beliefs. "individual's beliefs" is correct.

Answer 5

Other than those corrections, it looks great. :)

Answer 6

Thank you! :)

I fixed it, now it's this:
Overall, I am taking this course to broaden my horizons on religions all over the world. I know that there's immense power in religion because it is embedded in peoples' cultures and continues to burgeon on through their spirits, in turn, it has withstood the ultimate test of time. Religion has caused wars, resolved issues and some people literally guide their lives by their specific religion. It has not been severed nor hindered by hate, allegations or stereotypes over time. Anything this powerful should be learned and appreciated by others because in a way it unites us despite our differences and allows us to understand and respect an individuals beliefs. With all of that being said, I hope that this course will teach me three main things: Allow me to view various religions from different perspectives and relate them to each other, Explore my own religion in depth, and lastly to separate allegations from facts.
Viewing a religion from different perceptions is not only fascinating, but it is also beneficial to others because we can incorporate everyone's comparative or contrasting opinion that relates to a unique religion. This also plays a hand in learning about culture to, because exploring where a religion is derived from will enlighten us on the origin of a religion and give us more insight on historical events and even an individual. To me religion can somewhat be compared to art. The same way different components intertwine together to create one big picture is the same way many beliefs come together to form one common belief: that there is in fact a god somewhere that dictates something in our lives.
Furthermore, I'm anxious to take this course to learn more about my own religion. Things such as where my religion is derived from, how it's been effected over time, and how people conceive it in the modern world today are important to me. There's so many different branches of my religion, and I'd like to break it down branch by branch and learn the facts about each one.

Answer 7

Some corrections to make:

First paragraph, second sentence:
"I know that there's immense power in religion because it is embedded in peoples' cultures and continues to burgeon on through their spirits, in turn, it has withstood the ultimate test of time."

Corrections to make:
"burgeon on" - get rid of "on."

Answer 8

First paragraph, fifth sentence:
"Anything this powerful should be learned and appreciated by others because in a way it unites us despite our differences and allows us to understand and respect an individuals beliefs."
"individuals" should be "individual's," as the beliefs are possessed by the individuals.

Answer 9

First paragraph, sixth sentence:
" With all of that being said, I hope that this course will teach me three main things: Allow me to view various religions from different perspectives and relate them to each other, Explore my own religion in depth, and lastly to separate allegations from facts."

Corrections to make:
"Explore my own religion..." - You have not started a new sentence, and "Explore" is not a proper noun, therefore "Explore" should not be capitalized.

Answer 10

Second paragraph, second sentence:
"This also plays a hand in learning about culture to, because exploring where a religion is derived from will enlighten us on the origin of a religion and give us more insight on historical events and even an individual."

Corrections to make:
"...a hand in learning about culture to..."- Use "too" instead of "to."

Answer 11

Second paragraph, third sentence:
"To me religion can somewhat be compared to art."

Corrections to make:

"To me religion..." - Add a comma after "me."

Answer 12

Third paragraph, final sentence:
"There's so many different branches of my religion, and I'd like to break it down branch by branch and learn the facts about each one."

Corrections to make:
"There's" - "There's" is a contraction for "There is." The proper word to use here is "are."
"There are..."

Answer 13

Other than that, it looks very well written. Great work! :)